Originally Posted by
GOD
Originally Posted by
Vwls
We can definitely let the old drama die - I'm cool with that..
like I said in another thread, I really don't know the details of the whole icfishies drama involved
but since my other thread hasn't been responded to...
are we just to assume that you are totally cool with being slandered ?
or is there some truth to this rolling
I like you Angel, but you can't just slide back in here like nothing every happened
Either you want to squash any discussion of your dealings with that guy who you supposedly rolled, or you are the most forgiving person on the internet
This was not that long ago.
Not picking favorites with anyone here, but I remember like it was yesterday when you were getting ripped to shreds by Todd, Micon and Brandon, and now you are back with a basket full of sunshine and rainbows.
OK fair enough Marty. I'll respond to your post - hopefully after this we can all move on. I do agree with you though that it needs to be addressed.
Yes my name was definitely slandered and terrible things were said about me - that wasn't fair. And of course I was hurt by it. But I also take responsibility for bringing it about. That is -
my crappy choices created the problem to begin with, and when you act irresponsibly and make poor choices, you bring bad shit into your life. Sometimes the bad shit blows up into a huge mess, regardless of the gravity of your original sin. You can blame everyone else and be an angry person, or you can shoulder the responsibility for it, fix it and move on. I chose the latter. For my own peace of mind. At the end of the day, you have to like who you are. I like me better when I have peace with others and can go to bed at night feeling I did the right thing.
Here is what happened. I had a really bad patch in my life around the time my mom got sick with cancer. For those who give a shit, you can read about it here:
http://vwls-stories.blogspot.com/201...shekhinah.html. At this time, I had a friendship with a pretty great guy - you know him as ICFishies. To set the record completely straight, this person was a real friend to me, with no ulterior motives, despite the BS people have tossed out there. He was not trying to get in my pants, or get anything else from me. He was my friend, and he saw that he could help - it's really that simple. Yes, people do kind things for others - it
is possible, all you jaded fucks.
He came to my rescue by having me set up an account on an online gambling site that would enable him to make sports bets - the portion he gave me from the winnings was a gift basically, because I have zero skill betting sports. He needed an account in someone else's name because he was too good at it, and had been banned from betting online. So yes, he had something to gain, but the true motivation was really to help me out because I was slipping into a terrible abyss financially due to the expenses I was incurring with my mom's illness and later, her death. He didn't have the money to just pay for everything, but he had a skill that could produce it.
The account was initially established, and money was provided to me to get that in place, as well as pay some of my immediate bills that were looming. The understanding was that after the account had generated enough money, the set up costs would be returned to him through the wins. And then some. In the beginning, he did win, and the consequence was that I was kicked off the first site. I had to establish a new account at a different site so we could keep going. Then things went bad. He started to lose. At first, I still had enough in the bank to re-fund the new account, but the losses kept coming. I made my first big mistake here. I did not tell him just how little I had - I suppose I was embarrassed by how bad things were for me. So when the money ran out, and I couldn't re-fund the account any more, the enterprise stopped. My second mistake was worse than the first. Rather than deal with the situation head on like a man (or like a woman I suppose), I let myself slip into a depression and hermitted. It's something I do now and then when I am really down. I just don't communicate. I don't call. I shut down.
So a lot of time went by, and we never talked about what was going to happen. IC too was silent about it. But it wasn't his responsibility to deal with it - it was mine. The more time elapsed, the more I put it out of my head. I am guilty of letting it go too long and not making arrangements to make it right. I am also guilty of arguing about it online with Druff instead of immediately being a responsible human being when I was confronted.
Now since that fiasco, I did take steps to pay back what I owed and restablished a trusting friendship with IC. However, the truth is that I am not paid in full to this day, and due to another series of crises, I have not made a payment to him in a while. I do not feel good about this. I do have a plan to rebuild financially, and it does not involve gambling. I promise you that I will make it right - I am not a bad person - just struggling right now. Too many bad things have happened in the past few years and I am in a very deep hole. Mom'ds death was just the first in a series of disasters. My father dropped dead from a heart attack, was recussitated and now has brain damage. He had to be put into a nursing facility, and like my mother, he left no money to cover costs or pay his outstanding bills. The value of my house dropped when the real estate market crashed - it went from $226,000 to $55,000. The bank refused to rewrite my loan. I had to short sell, my credit was ruined - a familiar story I am sure, but devastating. At the same time, my husband's income was garnished for outstanding student loans, leaving him unable to contribute anything to the household. There's more on the list, but you get the idea. I am not making excuses - please understand me. I am going to recover from this - it will take time and hard work. And IC will never again be ignored. I count him as a dear friend and I am truly sorry for the way I handled things.
Now. As to forgiveness. Marty, you seem to feel that when people do you wrong, the proper action is to excommunicate them from your life, and never look back. I do not operate that way. I am willing to forgive, willing to admit my own guilt, and willing to move forward. If Micon and Druff are willing, then there is no reason why we can't do that. You may look at it as a basket of bullshit and rainbows, but I see it as a better way to live life. There is good and bad in everyone, and they are not bad people. Do you really believe they are inherently evil? I think in your heart you know that's not the case.
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