Originally Posted by
tgull
Curious why you never had kids. You seem to be a good son, and likely a good parent. Odd you want to go it alone in life but hey parenting is tough and expensive, very expensive. But you have a legacy, not for everyone though, I get it. Definitely don't want to see Garrett have any kids, that just fills up the jails long term.
I was an only child, so strange as it sounds, I didn’t grow up thinking about having kids. I got a girl pregnant when I was 19, and it scared me that my life was over because it wasn’t like I wanted to marry her. She was a decent girl, but my head wasn’t there.
I found out and didn’t know what to do? The idea of abortion didn’t sit well with her or I.
Thankfully it was only like 48 hours and we went to a movie to get our minds off the situation and she miscarried at the theater. She went to bathroom and came out and said I’m bleeding seriously and straight to ER. I felt like I hit the lotto. Didn’t have to make some horrible decision or drop out of school and work in some factory.
It wasn’t like we had planned on having a child. We knew she was like six weeks pregnant and then she miscarried within 48 hours of us knowing. I still recall sitting in the ER while she had a lower DNC, and being supportive while also being happy as fuck. She was too on some level. It was 48 hours and we hadn’t even absorbed thoughts of it being a child.
So I was very careful for that not to happen again. I basically spent the next ten years working and partying, but was super cautious to not repeat that mistake.
Then I met girl and I got married at 29 and I’m sure would have had kids eventually, but I got sick within first six months. I didn’t get well again until I was 36/37, and we got divorced that year. So I was a super social person who golfed five days a week and could never sit home even when married, then had been cooped up playing online poker for seven years waiting for my wife to come home from work and bored out of my mind(this year takes me back to then) and then all of a sudden well and single.
It was like I was 25 again after being cooped up. I didn’t date girls you want to have a kid with for like 5 years. So then I’m 41.
That’s when I wish I still would have done it. I went back to dating normal educated girls who were early-late 30s. I just felt old to start and not compelled, but it would have been fine. I’m an overthinker at times. I overthought it. I still worried about what if I got sick again, but I have been healthy as fuck since and still can throw football forty yards and play every sport while guys a decade younger often go to shit. I don’t think I would have been a good father as a young person, as I would have felt like I was missing shit and trapped. but I screwed up at that later point.
I never thought I’d be any good at it being an only child, but then I started dating girls with kids and I was a homerun with kids. Strange. They’d say I was worried with you not having kids and you’re better at it than any guy I’ve ever met. I was settled and healthy and loved playing catch and sports shit. Problem was it didn’t work with the mother and you have zero rights. I’ve dated girls with girls, I’d be much worse at that. That’s a weird spot if you’re not dad.
Just wasn’t meant to be. Only real serious regret of my life.