Martin

Wow, a lot of people can't admit/let out what you've done here. If indeed you are trying to change that was a brave step.

I hope you can understand how some people may doubt your sincerity. Abusers often make promises/confessions only to lapse into another cycle more extreme that previous.

Eventually, its our choice who each of us is. The encouraging thing about your post is it appears you are accepting responsibility for your actions/choices rather than externalizing.

Maybe you will find comfort in something I tell myself: in life it is not where you end up but how far you travel

Good luck!