Trying to get my life back on track with drugs

[limitles]

I can laugh now, but just barely. I drink like a priest these days (enough)but thought I might switch it up.

Got hold of some sweet white powder. Looked like any white powder but it was the most expensive white powder I've seen. There is a reason for the price, it was cleaned by seller, the middle man. The middle man offers three versions of this powder, untouched/off the brick, cleaned up and cleaned up like a scientist.

Tried them all. Trip report. Keep in mind I am an addict by nature.

Initial effect was disappointing. I just expected more.
For the police record the amount was just under two grams.
I thought this amount would last several days.

A night of on-line poker lay ahead, addiction number two.
I did well in the game for several hours, but was replenishing with the powder without consideration. Hours meant nothing. Long story short, I missed a day.
I was not aware of the actual day when it all ended.
This is the feeling most dreaded.

I don't foresee a future purchase of this magical white powder as I have a Ritalin prescription. Ultimately they are the same.

Freak. I know. Fuck you bible thumping drive thru fatties.
Sugar suckers.
Just getting ahead of the situation.

Putting out the fire

[limitles]

This is a warning shot. Age is irrelevant
I can't clean up my problems long term.
Short term, drugs and alcohol somewhat.
Ultimately hurtful to me and those I care about

I would just as soon die than wake up

[limitles]

Do not want to fuck up the forum
The forum is important to me

[limitles]

Going to church tomorrow. Not a joke.
I need reasoning.
TY Splitthis, will report back
nothing to lose, everything to gain

[Dan Druff]

Come on les, you are older than I am. Your drinking issue is bad enough. Don't compound it with a drug addiction.

[limitles]

Come on les, you are older than I am. Your drinking issue is bad enough. Don't compound it with a drug addiction.

Todd you misread this post.
The “experiment” with the other substance
speaks to addiction tendencies.
I clearly described it as a failure
I also mentioned my next step of giving myself up to a higher power.
I am going to church for the time in 45 years in a few days.
We’ll see how it turns out

[tgull]

Come on les, you are older than I am. Your drinking issue is bad enough. Don't compound it with a drug addiction.

Todd you misread this post.
The “experiment” with the other substance
speaks to addiction tendencies.
I clearly described it as a failure
I also mentioned my next step of giving myself up to a higher power.
I am going to church for the time in 45 years in a few days.
We’ll see how it turns out

LOL, the higher power bullshit. For those that don't know, this is an AA step where a bunch of burnouts sit in a circle and talk about their life failures. I went to a few of these meetings back in the day, at the end you say the serenity prayer, bunch of toads walking around with their big book, lecturing newcomers on how to stay sober. Les won't last but a couple weeks. LOL @ going to church, what are you going to do, pray? I'll be drinking a screwdriver at the same time. Higher power, LOL.

[The Boz]

Todd you misread this post.
The “experiment” with the other substance
speaks to addiction tendencies.
I clearly described it as a failure
I also mentioned my next step of giving myself up to a higher power.
I am going to church for the time in 45 years in a few days.
We’ll see how it turns out

LOL, the higher power bullshit. For those that don't know, this is an AA step where a bunch of burnouts sit in a circle and talk about their life failures. I went to a few of these meetings back in the day, at the end you say the serenity prayer, bunch of toads walking around with their big book, lecturing newcomers on how to stay sober. Les won't last but a couple weeks. LOL @ going to church, what are you going to do, pray? I'll be drinking a screwdriver at the same time. Higher power, LOL.

I believe you are overthinking this.

It may be bullshit to you and I who can drink responsibly. But for those that can’t AA does a good job helping some of them. I’m sure their overall results are not that impressive but for the ones it helps, it’s life changing. Whatever methods they use that we may not believe in seem to work for some.

In Les’s case, it’s a positive step IF he sticks with it.

[tgull]

LOL, the higher power bullshit. For those that don't know, this is an AA step where a bunch of burnouts sit in a circle and talk about their life failures. I went to a few of these meetings back in the day, at the end you say the serenity prayer, bunch of toads walking around with their big book, lecturing newcomers on how to stay sober. Les won't last but a couple weeks. LOL @ going to church, what are you going to do, pray? I'll be drinking a screwdriver at the same time. Higher power, LOL.

I believe you are overthinking this.

It may be bullshit to you and I who can drink responsibly. But for those that can’t AA does a good job helping some of them. I’m sure their overall results are not that impressive but for the ones it helps, it’s life changing. Whatever methods they use that we may not believe in seem to work for some.

In Les’s case, it’s a positive step IF he sticks with it.

You obviously never went to an AA Meeting. First half the members are court ordered and do not want to be there. Out of the remaining 50%, half of those are flat out hustlers or looking for vulnerable women to prey on, the other 25% just like going to meetings because they have nothing going on with their life. I hit a huge rough patch in 2007 or so, heavy drinking and gambling, went to a few AA meetings. One guy tried to become my mentor. He had no job, he leeched off his wife, but when anyone asked what he did for a living, he said "my job is to stay sober". He was like 40. I asked him about his drinking and he told me a story about he got blackout drunk at the age of 18 and woke up in a ditch. Went to AA right after, 22 years sober, so let me get this straight you got hammered at age 18 and have been going to AA now 5 days a week? WTF? Don't get me wrong, I did hear some fascinating stories in the few meetings I attended but when some old timer told me never to go into an establishment that served alcohol I realized I needed to get the fuck out of that cult.

[garrett]

I believe you are overthinking this.

It may be bullshit to you and I who can drink responsibly. But for those that can’t AA does a good job helping some of them. I’m sure their overall results are not that impressive but for the ones it helps, it’s life changing. Whatever methods they use that we may not believe in seem to work for some.

In Les’s case, it’s a positive step IF he sticks with it.

You obviously never went to an AA Meeting. First half the members are court ordered and do not want to be there. Out of the remaining 50%, half of those are flat out hustlers or looking for vulnerable women to prey on, the other 25% just like going to meetings because they have nothing going on with their life. I hit a huge rough patch in 2007 or so, heavy drinking and gambling, went to a few AA meetings. One guy tried to become my mentor. He had no job, he leeched off his wife, but when anyone asked what he did for a living, he said "my job is to stay sober". He was like 40. I asked him about his drinking and he told me a story about he got blackout drunk at the age of 18 and woke up in a ditch. Went to AA right after, 22 years sober, so let me get this straight you got hammered at age 18 and have been going to AA now 5 days a week? WTF? Don't get me wrong, I did hear some fascinating stories in the few meetings I attended but when some old timer told me never to go into an establishment that served alcohol I realized I needed to get the fuck out of that cult.

[splitthis]

Todd you misread this post.
The “experiment” with the other substance
speaks to addiction tendencies.
I clearly described it as a failure
I also mentioned my next step of giving myself up to a higher power.
I am going to church for the time in 45 years in a few days.
We’ll see how it turns out

LOL, the higher power bullshit. For those that don't know, this is an AA step where a bunch of burnouts sit in a circle and talk about their life failures. I went to a few of these meetings back in the day, at the end you say the serenity prayer, bunch of toads walking around with their big book, lecturing newcomers on how to stay sober. Les won't last but a couple weeks. LOL @ going to church, what are you going to do, pray? I'll be drinking a screwdriver at the same time. Higher power, LOL.

Never did AA went straight to the source of change, a simple but sincere prayer that worked.

That being said, many people need the support of others as well.

My only hope to hardcore you is we all get to a spot of no return, and you either seek God or continue to suffer alone.

It’s as simple as this. No belief with either end with nothing or something horrible.

Belief will either end with nothing or paradise.

Choose wisely.

How many here are comfortable with dying today. I am.

It’s been 7 years since that prayer, never a regret.

Prayers for Les to pray for everything.

[GrenadaRoger]

I believe you are overthinking this.

It may be bullshit to you and I who can drink responsibly. But for those that can’t AA does a good job helping some of them. I’m sure their overall results are not that impressive but for the ones it helps, it’s life changing. Whatever methods they use that we may not believe in seem to work for some.

In Les’s case, it’s a positive step IF he sticks with it.

You obviously never went to an AA Meeting. First half the members are court ordered and do not want to be there. Out of the remaining 50%, half of those are flat out hustlers or looking for vulnerable women to prey on, the other 25% just like going to meetings because they have nothing going on with their life. I hit a huge rough patch in 2007 or so, heavy drinking and gambling, went to a few AA meetings. One guy tried to become my mentor. He had no job, he leeched off his wife, but when anyone asked what he did for a living, he said "my job is to stay sober". He was like 40. I asked him about his drinking and he told me a story about he got blackout drunk at the age of 18 and woke up in a ditch. Went to AA right after, 22 years sober, so let me get this straight you got hammered at age 18 and have been going to AA now 5 days a week? WTF? Don't get me wrong, I did hear some fascinating stories in the few meetings I attended but when some old timer told me never to go into an establishment that served alcohol I realized I needed to get the fuck out of that cult.

i worked with a young woman that went to AA, and as you mentioned, she met a guy there who helped her with drinking---he helped her by replacing alcohol with gambling--craps was the game...they made many weekend trips to Vegas...he would barrage her with emails during the week, she liked that and she showed me a couple of the emails, i must admit, the guy had game, and had her primed for the weekend Vegas adventures...eventually they broke up, she was sad for a few days...she left the company a month or so after the breakup...i don't know what happened to her

[BCR]

I believe you are overthinking this.

It may be bullshit to you and I who can drink responsibly. But for those that can’t AA does a good job helping some of them. I’m sure their overall results are not that impressive but for the ones it helps, it’s life changing. Whatever methods they use that we may not believe in seem to work for some.

In Les’s case, it’s a positive step IF he sticks with it.

You obviously never went to an AA Meeting. First half the members are court ordered and do not want to be there. Out of the remaining 50%, half of those are flat out hustlers or looking for vulnerable women to prey on, the other 25% just like going to meetings because they have nothing going on with their life. I hit a huge rough patch in 2007 or so, heavy drinking and gambling, went to a few AA meetings. One guy tried to become my mentor. He had no job, he leeched off his wife, but when anyone asked what he did for a living, he said "my job is to stay sober". He was like 40. I asked him about his drinking and he told me a story about he got blackout drunk at the age of 18 and woke up in a ditch. Went to AA right after, 22 years sober, so let me get this straight you got hammered at age 18 and have been going to AA now 5 days a week? WTF? Don't get me wrong, I did hear some fascinating stories in the few meetings I attended but when some old timer told me never to go into an establishment that served alcohol I realized I needed to get the fuck out of that cult.

Yeah, those people can’t do it themselves. Much like church people. They are mentally weak. It doesn’t matter that it’s fake. You can believe in sky wizards or that Kermit is your higher power, doesn’t matter, if they believe it and follow these 20 rules, they think they are saved and they don’t end up face down in some strangers bed every night like split or they won’t drink themselves to oblivion. It’s a joke, but it’s better than the alternative if they can’t do it themselves and at least they won’t steal your catalytic converter.

If Les can get by that it is fake, and he believes it, will be the best thing for him because he has struggled a long long time. He is one cat I would love to see turn into a religious loon.

[Jayjami]

I can’t imagine buying drugs on the street these days. You have no idea what you’re going to get. I went to rehab 20 years ago. My drugs of choice were alcohol and weed. I went to a few Narcotics Anonymous meetings, but didn’t “work the steps”. I was on the wagon for 15 years. Today I smoke weed all the time. I seem to be doing just fine, thank you. I can totally drink in moderation. I rarely imbibe, and after two drinks, I’m done. I’ve been intoxicated like 3 times in 10 years, always with my buddies, who are a bad influence on me!

[country978]

I can’t imagine buying drugs on the street these days. You have no idea what you’re going to get. I went to rehab 20 years ago. My drugs of choice were alcohol and weed. I went to a few Narcotics Anonymous meetings, but didn’t “work the steps”. I was on the wagon for 15 years. Today I smoke weed all the time. I seem to be doing just fine, thank you. I can totally drink in moderation. I rarely imbibe, and after two drinks, I’m done. I’ve been intoxicated like 3 times in 10 years, always with my buddies, who are a bad influence on me!

You went to narcotics anonymous because of weed?

[desertrunner]

I just briefly scanned over the original post and some of the responses.

Me-
- Rarely drink, socially 2-3 times a year.
- Never smoked or did drugs, not even weed.
- Absolutely NO religion in my life. All religion is crap and less in your life, the more clear your mind. All religion does is offer hope.

(Druff can confirm all of the above)

All three of those listed things needlessly control and damage your life. Same with AA meetings, they are religious based and I do not need that crap.

I know its not as easy as just "cutting all of that out", but yeah, stop cold turkey. Make a daily plan and fill it with activities so youre busy. and not doing alcohol and drugs. And get counseling, that doesnt involve religion.

Get on the straight and narrow path of life and get clean. Hard to do, but worth it.

[tgull]

You obviously never went to an AA Meeting. First half the members are court ordered and do not want to be there. Out of the remaining 50%, half of those are flat out hustlers or looking for vulnerable women to prey on, the other 25% just like going to meetings because they have nothing going on with their life. I hit a huge rough patch in 2007 or so, heavy drinking and gambling, went to a few AA meetings. One guy tried to become my mentor. He had no job, he leeched off his wife, but when anyone asked what he did for a living, he said "my job is to stay sober". He was like 40. I asked him about his drinking and he told me a story about he got blackout drunk at the age of 18 and woke up in a ditch. Went to AA right after, 22 years sober, so let me get this straight you got hammered at age 18 and have been going to AA now 5 days a week? WTF? Don't get me wrong, I did hear some fascinating stories in the few meetings I attended but when some old timer told me never to go into an establishment that served alcohol I realized I needed to get the fuck out of that cult.

Yeah, those people can’t do it themselves. Much like church people. They are mentally weak. It doesn’t matter that it’s fake. You can believe in sky wizards or that Kermit is your higher power, doesn’t matter, if they believe it and follow these 20 rules, they think they are saved and they don’t end up face down in some strangers bed every night like split or they won’t drink themselves to oblivion. It’s a joke, but it’s better than the alternative if they can’t do it themselves and at least they won’t steal your catalytic converter.

If Les can get by that it is fake, and he believes it, will be the best thing for him because he has struggled a long long time. He is one cat I would love to see turn into a religious loon.

Yeah, I guess if it gets you out of the proverbial cycle then I guess its ok. But I am telling you these meetings are totally scamish. I remember this one gal right before I left had long red hair and a tight body. She came in completely strung out, she was obviously using but there were no regular NA meetings in the area so she stumbled in this AA meeting. She was fucking swarmed after the meeting, everyone wanting to help her, meanwhile I was like in my 8th meeting and effectively ignored by that point. I was already on my way out, some fucking guy said new members bring coffee packets and make pots of coffee for the group. Yeah muther fucker go suck a giant cock. I did not say that, but I agreed I would bring coffee and 2 dozen donuts the next noon Saturday meeting. He even made sure to tell me make sure 1 dozen is glazed, I was like yeah sure, I'll even see about some kolachees. Yeah, never showed up, I am quite sure he was in the parking lot looking for me at 11:55am.

[country978]

I just briefly scanned over the original post and some of the responses.

Me-
- Rarely drink, socially 2-3 times a year.
- Never smoked or did drugs, not even weed.
- Absolutely NO religion in my life. All religion is crap and less in your life, the more clear your mind. All religion does is offer hope.

(Druff can confirm all of the above)

All three of those listed things needlessly control and damage your life. Same with AA meetings, they are religious based and I do not need that crap.

I know its not as easy as just "cutting all of that out", but yeah, stop cold turkey. Make a daily plan and fill it with activities so youre busy. and not doing alcohol and drugs. And get counseling, that doesnt involve religion.

Get on the straight and narrow path of life and get clean. Hard to do, but worth it.

dersertrunner do you have any tattoos and if so, of what?

[desertrunner]

dersertrunner do you have any tattoos and if so, of what?

No I dont. But I might get one soon, I'll PM you and explain.

[BCR]

dersertrunner do you have any tattoos and if so, of what?

No I dont. But I might get one soon, I'll PM you and explain.

You sent it to me by accident; I would drop the sexy part and probably go with the shoulder.