So, I call Jewdonk and he begins to rant for hours on end about his setup here in LV(this was when he lived with the asian donk) and how #2 fucked him over and was supposed to give him a place to stay blah blah I wasnt evn listening, just smoking while he talked my ear off. So, finally I get Jewdonk to come over to the Wynn later that night and We will play some cards and smoke, whatever. So, night time comes around and I hear a knock at my door after about 10 texts. It is this little man with jeans as tight as a hippster and his shiny 35$ walmart white sneakers with the tongue sticking out. The Jewdonk....
At first I couldn't smell him, maybe because my room smelled like weed, but he came in and opened his mouth running off NWP and internet comments every 3 seconds. I could feel another Es0esque meetup to follow. I had seen alot of pictures of jewdonk, but I never knew he had the complexion of a 60 year old drunk. He had craters on his face that were pretty noticeable. in fact, it got to the point where I had to stop making eye contact with him at all times. He must have thought I was looking for something the entire time we were together becuase I would either stare at the ground or look up at the ceiling like I was brainstorming the cure for AIDS. I just couldn't look at him in fear I would crack up laughing without any explanation of why. Also, it didn't that the gap in his teeth rivaled only Michael Strahan. Whatever, so, he comes in and whips out one of those crack type of bowls for us to hit. It's made of all metal and you could probably unscrew it and use the end as a drill bit or something. it was literally a horrible experience. the metal was so fucking hot I could have branded myself with each hit I took. Whatever, so we get stoned and I put on some cologne and
Jewdonk puts on his stale cigerette cologne and we head out. We just walk around the Wynn for a little until I am tired of Jewdonk begging me and my friend to take a ride in his car and see all the lights and goto the top of the stratosphere. My friend kept asking me why this old dude was asking us to go on this romantic date, and he wouldn't let up. I explained to him that I was sick earlier and not feeling well, but he kept insisting he was my host and should let him take me. I told him if he's my host where the fuck are my free rooms and 100$ blackjack dollars..... So, finally he goes home and we part ways..So, the next day I wake up and want to start playing some poker. I goto Venetian and instantly dump about 1300 in the 1/3 game with Aces and Kings cracked within an hour. Among other tilty things going on. I continue to play and lose my ass, so I go over to TI. I play there for awhile and am exchanging texts with jewdonk every 15 minutes with updates like he was my girlfriend. He tells me he is like, in the TI parking lot, so he comes in to play with us. My friend Evan and I are at the table and a bunch of losers as well, sitting in this funeral setting poker room they call TI. My kitchen at home has more tables than this fucking dump and the waitresses were so bad, they would have PAID Jewdonk to fuck them. So, in comes tight pants marty with his infamous buyin amount to the 1/3TI game. he is so pumped and nervous as he sits directly to my left.
This is when I notice the awesome stench of week old marlboros and a weak attempt at a breathe mint. I cant remember if he ordered a drink or not, but I am pretty sure he declined, because he knew he would turn into an even more embarressing version of himself.. So, I am stuck like another 600 or so playing like a complete maniac. Raising any 2 just knowing that any raise marty calls, he is basically putting his first born in the pot. He thinks he can hang at first, calling a few raises, than dwindles down to about his last 145$ to his name... This is when infamous things happen... The table is not very talkative at all, besides me being crazy and laughing about it nonstop..Jewdonk gets dealt KTss or something awful and I obv bump it to 17 or whatever I was making it every hand. Jewdonk calls and some other dude calls and probably someone else, because every pot was 5 handed.. So, the flop comes A84 with 1 spade and action is very slow. The turn is an 8s and a small bet is made by one of the randoms that called me. jewdonk calls with his flush draw. The river is Xs and jewdonk now has the flusheroo! I could feel him breathing as if he had just dropped out of a chopped in the middle of baghdad like blackhawk down. he was zoned in and ready to take this pot. the action is to him and he bets out. the guy thinks for a minute and close to min raises jewdonk. Jewdonk stands up and all 5'6 of him shoves his chips in the middle faster than phil helmuth and the guy instacalls. jewdonk declares "NUTS!!" and tables his KTss with a giant gap tooth smile. The guy sits in shock! he can't believe it...... No...he's not upset he lost...he can't believe Jewdonk thinks he has the nuts, and quickly turns over A8 for a boat, and asks "Umm nuts? Man, I have a boat".... Jewdonks dreams and crushed....He falls back in his chair as if someone had just shoved him into his chest. he flails around for a minute or two mumbling about how that is the last of his money, and his entire weekend is ruined and he can't do anything now. He quickly went in for the kill and asked me if he could "borrow a hundred bones" and he promised he would get me back with that fat friday paycheck(lolomon) So, after about a minute of griping with himself, he downs whatever free drink he could to stay hydrated for the next few hours, and went on his merry way with his head down lower than the hunchback of notre dame. That was the last time I could take seeing our little friendly fella. I will say this, jewdonk is a really nice guy, he is just delusional, and
kinda smells, and definitely dyes his hair, and well...you get it...
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Originally Posted by Baron Von Strucker
