From The Penthouse To The Poorhouse: A WillieMcFuckMyLife Saga

[sonatine]

I saw someone with a 17 year dope habit kick with bupe. She went cold turkey on several occasions but always ended up drifting back into it because lol this fucking world. Bupe program solved that.

Will, you mentioned bupe but it sounds like youre not taking it under the strict instructions of a licensed physician.

Which says youre not really serious about no longer being a junky.

Which is honestly fine; no one can drag you off that ferris wheel, you gotta get off when youre ready. But half assing your golden ticket to a life without chemical chains is a bad look. If you really give a shit, see a doctor, get a script, follow their instructions to the letter. Otherwise whatever you do will be about as frustrating and ineffectual as this thread.

[RegGaymer]

I saw someone with a 17 year dope habit kick with bupe. She went cold turkey on several occasions but always ended up drifting back into it because lol this fucking world. Bupe program solved that.

Will, you mentioned bupe but it sounds like youre not taking it under the strict instructions of a licensed physician.

Which says youre not really serious about no longer being a junky.

Which is honestly fine; no one can drag you off that ferris wheel, you gotta get off when youre ready. But half assing your golden ticket to a life without chemical chains is a bad look. If you really give a shit, see a doctor, get a script, follow their instructions to the letter. Otherwise whatever you do will be about as frustrating and ineffectual as this thread.

If the shoe fits then huh

[tgull]

I felt like I played great, and was very proud of myself for taking my shot and playing the way I did - not playing like a typical first-timer, willing to get in there and play big pots with whoever and not letting any of the circus like atmosphere affect my game.

I have never understood my poker players refer to playing cards as their 'game'. It's fucking cards, you are not an athlete. In fact, most card players are horrendously out of shape and could not run 50 feet without collapsing.

With that said, sorry to hear of your trouble Willie. While I never touched the powder, I was drinking a 1/5th nearly every day for about 3 years while I tried my poker fame. Let's face it, most people turn to poker because they are fucking lazy and want to get the big win and coast and not have to work a real job. But the reality is given our addictive nature we blow it all anyway even when we win. I mean, you won the slot jackpot for 50 large correct? And you burned through it at the tables. I remember in 2008 I won $8K in AC in a weekend. Two weeks later I gave it all back plus another $2K despite my pledge to pay bills.

What cleaned me up is staying out of casinos and biting the bullet and going to AA for a stretch. I probably mowed through a quarter mil in totality in a 5 year span, mostly at poker tables, online and pits. I have plenty of money now (well into the six figures), but only because I stay away from the casinos and stopped the Vodka benders. I still bet on the horses every now and again, drink some wine but I avoid casinos like the plague and stay away from buying 1/5ths.

If you don't get your shit together you are going to be in your 50s in a homeless shelter. I'd start with AA/NA meetings. Yes, they suck I have done many of them, but they keep you occupied at night when you get agitated and wanting to do something you should not.

[sonatine]

I did the AA/NA thing for a few years. It works if you let it.

[Krypt]

I saw someone with a 17 year dope habit kick with bupe. She went cold turkey on several occasions but always ended up drifting back into it because lol this fucking world. Bupe program solved that.

Will, you mentioned bupe but it sounds like youre not taking it under the strict instructions of a licensed physician.

Which says youre not really serious about no longer being a junky.

Which is honestly fine; no one can drag you off that ferris wheel, you gotta get off when youre ready. But half assing your golden ticket to a life without chemical chains is a bad look. If you really give a shit, see a doctor, get a script, follow their instructions to the letter. Otherwise whatever you do will be about as frustrating and ineffectual as this thread.

Which burroughs novel is that?

[Pooh]

I felt like I played great, and was very proud of myself for taking my shot and playing the way I did - not playing like a typical first-timer, willing to get in there and play big pots with whoever and not letting any of the circus like atmosphere affect my game.

I have never understood my poker players refer to playing cards as their 'game'. It's fucking cards, you are not an athlete. In fact, most card players are horrendously out of shape and could not run 50 feet without collapsing.

With that said, sorry to hear of your trouble Willie. While I never touched the powder, I was drinking a 1/5th nearly every day for about 3 years while I tried my poker fame. Let's face it, most people turn to poker because they are fucking lazy and want to get the big win and coast and not have to work a real job. But the reality is given our addictive nature we blow it all anyway even when we win. I mean, you won the slot jackpot for 50 large correct? And you burned through it at the tables. I remember in 2008 I won $8K in AC in a weekend. Two weeks later I gave it all back plus another $2K despite my pledge to pay bills.

What cleaned me up is staying out of casinos and biting the bullet and going to AA for a stretch. I probably mowed through a quarter mil in totality in a 5 year span, mostly at poker tables, online and pits. I have plenty of money now (well into the six figures), but only because I stay away from the casinos and stopped the Vodka benders. I still bet on the horses every now and again, drink some wine but I avoid casinos like the plague and stay away from buying 1/5ths.

If you don't get your shit together you are going to be in your 50s in a homeless shelter. I'd start with AA/NA meetings. Yes, they suck I have done many of them, but they keep you occupied at night when you get agitated and wanting to do something you should not.

That's a lot of shit unclogging.

[Muck Ficon]

Flashback to about a year and a half ago, I was going into day 3 of the World Series of Poker Main Event with a top 100 chip stack feeling on top of the world. I was living my dream and had tens of thousands of dollars in a safe. I was in the best shape physically that I had been since probably my mid 20's. I was exercising almost daily, swimming a couple times a week, had a good tan and looked and felt healthier than I had in some time.

Well, as many of you know, I fell short of the glory but still came back to St. Louis feeling good. Even though I dropped $15k or so post-main event just gambling and having fun in Vegas, I still had a healthy bankroll and a good outlook. I felt like I played great, and was very proud of myself for taking my shot and playing the way I did - not playing like a typical first-timer, willing to get in there and play big pots with whoever and not letting any of the circus like atmosphere affect my game.

This good feeling carried over for awhile, until a couple months after I got home. I started to feel less pride in how I played and more regretted not doing more with my "one shot". I would beat myself up daily, if not hourly, knowing I would probably never find myself in a spot like that again. I wasn't working, and just kind of did whatever I wanted on a day to day basis, with no real direction. I wouldn't consider myself depressed at the time, more...indifferent.

This went on for probably about six months, where I wasn't really doing much of anything - just sitting at home spending money while not making any. Eventually I found myself at or near busto, and really wasn't in a good mindset.


In my early twenties I had a big drug problem (heroin). I was a junkie but eventually got clean around age 25 with a little luck and a lot of methadone. I completely abstained from dope for well over a decade but still was taking a very minimal dose of methadone of 10mg. A typical heroin addict takes around 80-100mg per day by comparison. It doesn't sound like much but that last 10mg is tough to kick, and because it didn't cost me really any money and wasn't a real problem I was never highly motivated to get completely off it.

Fast forward to about six months ago and there were problems getting my script filled. For whatever reason, there was a problem with the distributors or whatever and the pharmacies were all out. This is where I really fucked up. Instead of toughing it out while I had no responsibilities (a job I had to get up for every morning), I had a buddy of mine who still used get me a small amount of dope.

I was depressed and busto so I really didn't give a fuck, and thought it was a temporary solution until I could figure out how to get my methadone script filled. Well, obviously you know how this ends...

So now I'm hooked on dope, owe several people money, and have a job I like which will ultimately be affected if i don't get myself clean. The problem is I don't know if my job would still be there if I decided to go to an inpatient rehab, so I've been trying to cut back to where I can go cold turkey on a weekend and feel good enough to be able to go to work that Monday.

Not really looking for pitty or whatever, just kind of tired of being in this spot and really feel like a piece of shit. I guess this is me taking my "first step". Easier to admit to a message board than my family. Hopefully this will light a fire under my ass, and make me stop being a little bitch. If anyone has any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. Flame away


tl;dr drugs are bad, mmkay

What is your relationship like with your family? I would imagine their support could really help.

[phantom]

fight it willie, you got this mate

also hope your aids gets better before you die

[sonatine]

You'll cowards don't even smoke crack.

[lol wow]

god i cant even imagine being at an aa meeting with fatotine and i spent like 17 dollars on cookies and i just out of the corner of my eye see him grab 6

[BetCheckBet]

I did the AA/NA thing for a few years. It works if you let it.

Best of luck Willie. You;ve beat it before so you can certainly beat it again. Unfortunately nobody is relapse proof.

If you do prefer online support for privacy reasons I'd suggest looking into SMART groups. They have a good online community and are backed by empirical research.


http://www.smartrecovery.org/

[Pooh]

I don't really have an opinion because I've never been there before but you seem like a cool guy and I hope you make it through this. Remember, health and family is everything. Money and jobs come and go.

In before the obligatory dead dad jokes.

[Muck Ficon]

Good luck Willie. I've known quite a few heroin addicts. Three are dead and the others are in prison. You managed to stay clean a while, so you know it's possible. I would stay away from poker (and gambling in general). You would just be trading one addiction for another.

[big dick]

If he is a winning poker player it would be a fine trade off.

[BeerAndPoker]

If he is a winning poker player it would be a fine trade off.

Depends if he can play lower without getting bored losing the thrill of the game in doing so because from the sound of it in his original post he was winning perhaps on some big scores then ran badly probably making some bad decisions such as buying into the WSOP main event and shooting off a bunch of other money gambling in Vegas while there.

If he played that main event all on his own dime it probably was bad bankroll management. I don't know where Willie was financially but for example I wouldn't be entering the main all on my own dime with with $300k or less to my name and if he wasn't backed at all then I assume he had less then that. Having tens of thousands of dollars in a safe is what he says in his original post but that is a bit vague and sounds like it could be under 100k instead of a few hundred k which then he would likely say I had a few hundred k in my safe.

Some people when they have played that high before (no pun) if they have addictive personalities can't play lower using proper bankroll management. As I said I'm unaware of his past poker experience, use or lack their of with bankroll management,etc...

[RegGaymer]

If he is a winning poker player it would be a fine trade off.

Depends if he can play lower without getting bored losing the thrill of the game in doing so because from the sound of it in his original post he was winning perhaps on some big scores then ran badly probably making some bad decisions such as buying into the WSOP main event and shooting off a bunch of other money gambling in Vegas while there.

If he played that main event all on his own dime it probably was bad bankroll management. I don't know where Willie was financially but for example I wouldn't be entering the main all on my own dime with with $300k or less to my name and if he wasn't backed at all then I assume he had less then that. Having tens of thousands of dollars in a safe is what he says in his original post but that is a bit vague and sounds like it could be under 100k instead of a few hundred k which then he would likely say I had a few hundred k in my safe.

Some people when they have played that high before (no pun) if they have addictive personalities can't play lower using proper bankroll management. As I said I'm unaware of his past poker experience, use or lack their of with bankroll management,etc...

The wsop main event is the biggest value tournament of the year, so a good player could take a much more aggressive shot with their bankroll; knowing that if they brick it they can carry on playing at their usual lower stakes for the rest of the year. I'd shoot at it if I had $100k for example - $300k is just unnecessarily nitty.

The fact that he went broke several months later would suggest that he had nowhere near six figures too.

[Gordman]

Willie, we obv never met in person, but I can tell that you are a smart guy and a good person. I know you can do this. I cannot really give you words of wisdom on this addiction because i am no expert, but it looks like plenty of people here have either been down that road or know someone who has. Take some of that advice that they offer. There are alot of smart people on here.

You are not alone either. I am trying to completely hack taking vicodin myself (which if im not mistaken, is in the same family as heroin i think) I started taking them in small doses a few years ago when I just couldn't take the back pain anymore, and still take them in small doses. I have been seeing a chiropractor who has been helping out alot...but i still take the pills every now and then because otherwise I feel like absolute shit.

What has helped me so far:

-being around people that care....family, friends. I try not to be around negative people and steer away from negative things as much as i can.

-Eating better. I have a long way to go, but I have changed my eating habits somewhat. Even if its so much as me buying a big jug of V8 (low sodium version) and drinking it up. I also drink PLENTY of water; I even have one of those 5 gallon dispensers in my kitchen that chills the water...having nice cold (good tasting) water that is within arms reach certainly helps.

-trying to stay active. I try to do the things that make me happy like hunting, fishing, other outdoors stuff. I try to make attempts to do things to keep my mind off of the bad stuff, otherwise I more easily slip into depression, anxiety etc. Make a list of things to want or like to do, and try to do them. Every moment that you have your mind occupied with good things is a moment where you don't have your mind on this.


I know, This shit isn't easy. Listen to the smart people around you though and take their advice. I know a few people myself who have kicked the habit, so I know it is absolutely possible.


Also, Im here if you need someone to talk to.

[OSA]

My friend got something injected in him to cure his alcoholism. Supposedly if he has a drop of booze enter his bloodstream he is most likely to have a stroke. So the fear of having a stroke prevents him to drink.


This is non fda approved obv and is probably bullshit but interesting in how some people deal with their issues.


He does coke every cpl weeks and smokes weed reg so I guess he just traded one vice for another

[shortbuspoker]

This will sound like a joke, but you should start a podcast. Jason Mewes has said publicly numerous times that doing the podcast with Kevin Smith helps keep him clean. It is good to talk about things from your past and the challenges that come up day to day trying to stay sober.

[tgull]

The only known and proven way to kick addiction is AA / NA. Sure every now and again an treatment center works, but its meetings every day that kick the cycle for most. The first 90 days is key and there is a meeting place probably five minutes away from you.

Williy, listen to this speaker, it helped me kick my Vodka addiction, and it helped others as well. I used to listen to this when I thought I would relapse and it kept me off the ledge. I still listen to it time to time as a reminder if nothing else.

http://www.xa-speakers.org/pafiledb....on=file&id=839