It blows my mind that in 2014, anyone who strokes their own cock gets away with calling himself straight.

[sonatine]

Point fucking blank: Masturbation is every bit as much a homosexual act as fucking or sucking another dudes penis. And its a revolting brand of degeneracy that up until recently was quite appropriately punished in the town gallows.

Its the oldest story in the book; boys who start masturbating inevitably grow up gay. They drift from centerfolds to the more hardcore "straight" porn featuring naked men on naked women. Soon they find a "happy medium" and start watching shemale porn. Then when they think its safe, they bust out the straight up man fucking man porn and pat themselves on the back for being such "liberated" straight dudes. No my friend, you sir are a homosexual, pure and simple.

America has always rightfully and properly frowned on masturbation, naturally. Boys were told straight up to keep their hands off the goddamned dicks.

And then we had a bunch of drug addled hippies champion the new face of "natural" which included mollesting yourself at the drop of a dime and lo and behold, suddenly every city in the country has a blooming crop of gays where the victims of this unchecked disease could congregate.

Maybe some of you could just man up and put the breaks on your disgusting habits, but I'm proud to be a heterosexual in a devoted, loving relationship so I have no need to masturbate. I would suggest those of you who can't trick a woman into loving you find a reputable non-Jewish doctor to pursue the appropriate psychological and medical solutions to your revolting problem.

[Dan Druff]

find a reputable non-Jewish doctor to pursue the appropriate psychological and medical solutions to your revolting problem

[LLL]

What about Fleshlights, bro?

[mulva]

Point fucking blank: Masturbation is every bit as much a homosexual act as fucking or sucking another dudes penis. And its a revolting brand of degeneracy that up until recently was quite appropriately punished in the town gallows.

Its the oldest story in the book; boys who start masturbating inevitably grow up gay. They drift from centerfolds to the more hardcore "straight" porn featuring naked men on naked women. Soon they find a "happy medium" and start watching shemale porn. Then when they think its safe, they bust out the straight up man fucking man porn and pat themselves on the back for being such "liberated" straight dudes. No my friend, you sir are a homosexual, pure and simple.

America has always rightfully and properly frowned on masturbation, naturally. Boys were told straight up to keep their hands off the goddamned dicks.

And then we had a bunch of drug addled hippies champion the new face of "natural" which included mollesting yourself at the drop of a dime and lo and behold, suddenly every city in the country has a blooming crop of gays where the victims of this unchecked disease could congregate.

Maybe some of you could just man up and put the breaks on your disgusting habits, but I'm proud to be a heterosexual in a devoted, loving relationship so I have no need to masturbate. I would suggest those of you who can't trick a woman into loving you find a reputable non-Jewish doctor to pursue the appropriate psychological and medical solutions to your revolting problem.

where did you copy and paste this shit from? no way you spent 10-15 minutes thinking and writing this shit.

[sonatine]

What about Fleshlights, bro?

What a man does in the privacy of his bedroom WITH HIS WOMAN is entirely their business.

[Muck Ficon]

What about Fleshlights, bro?

What a man does in the privacy of his bedroom WITH HIS WOMAN is entirely their business.

What about cold meats and stuffed animals? My friend was wondering....

[JimmyG_415]

Point fucking blank: Masturbation is every bit as much a homosexual act as fucking or sucking another dudes penis. And its a revolting brand of degeneracy that up until recently was quite appropriately punished in the town gallows.

Its the oldest story in the book; boys who start masturbating inevitably grow up gay. They drift from centerfolds to the more hardcore "straight" porn featuring naked men on naked women. Soon they find a "happy medium" and start watching shemale porn. Then when they think its safe, they bust out the straight up man fucking man porn and pat themselves on the back for being such "liberated" straight dudes. No my friend, you sir are a homosexual, pure and simple.

America has always rightfully and properly frowned on masturbation, naturally. Boys were told straight up to keep their hands off the goddamned dicks.

And then we had a bunch of drug addled hippies champion the new face of "natural" which included mollesting yourself at the drop of a dime and lo and behold, suddenly every city in the country has a blooming crop of gays where the victims of this unchecked disease could congregate.

Maybe some of you could just man up and put the breaks on your disgusting habits, but I'm proud to be a heterosexual in a devoted, loving relationship so I have no need to masturbate. I would suggest those of you who can't trick a woman into loving you find a reputable non-Jewish doctor to pursue the appropriate psychological and medical solutions to your revolting problem.

I agree,
That one Sienfeld episode, "The Contest", did more for masturbaters than "Sex in the City" did for sluts.

[BeerAndPoker]

[RichardBrodiesCombover.]

Thats why I stick to self-sucking. No fags here, bro.

[Bootsy Collins]

Masturbation lost its fun in 1994.

[son of lockman]

Well when mama caught me stroking my pud she said.

''Sonny you'll go blind doing that.''

I said.

''Ok mom I'll just do it until I need glasses.''

Which I wear today.

[4Dragons]

I tried, but could not masturbate to this thread.

[lewfather]

I tried, but could not masturbate to this thread.

case study on why you should never go dry

[sonatine]

Notice that Sonny, who claims his mother interfered with his masturbation, is the most upset by this knowledge bomb thread.


Kinda says it all now doesnt it.

[son of lockman]

Notice that Sonny, who claims his mother interfered with his masturbation, is the most upset by this knowledge bomb thread.


Kinda says it all now doesnt it.

You're an ok fella but an idiot also.

[abrown83]

Sex with a women > BJ from a women > Masturbation > Hand Job for a women

:fact

[DRK Star]

[nunbeater]

First off making an anti-masturbation PSA on a poker forum is like having a snowball convention on the surface of the sun

But the funny thing is some people actually believe all that shit in the op and it confuses me. If people ended up gay due to masturbation everyone on the fucking planet would be gay. Nigga please

[Ryback_feed_me_more]

First off making an anti-masturbation PSA on a poker forum is like having a snowball convention on the surface of the sun

But the funny thing is some people actually believe all that shit in the op and it confuses me. If people ended up gay due to masturbation everyone on the fucking planet would be gay. Nigga please

Speaking of surface of the sun.. Did ya'll hear the North Korean Propaganda machine that pretends to be news claims they have landed on the sun.. This shit is so fucking hilarious for them to think anybody in their own country would be stupid enough to believe it is beyond me..

This is cut and paste from a Canadian News outlet.

The source for this is something I’ve never heard of before today - a web site called Waterford Whispers News. There was a report last year from Investors Business Daily that the Norks had announced their intention to put a man on the sun.






I can’t find anything on the English-language version of the KCNA, which is the Norks’ official news agency site, but the report says it was uttered in a televised newscast for which they offer no video as backup. I don’t know. I suppose it says everything about the madcap nature of this regime that you find it hard believe they would really make such a claim, but you can’t be entirely sure.

Darn it, I want to believe!







It reported that astronaut Hung Il Gong left for the sun on a specially designed rocket ship at approximately 3am this morning.

Hung, who traveled alone, reached his destination some four hours later, landing his craft on the far side of the lonely star.

“We are very delighted to announce a successful mission to put a man on the sun.” a North Korean central news anchor man said on a live broadcast earlier. “North Korea has beaten every other country in the world to the sun. Hung Il Gong is a hero and deserves a hero’s welcome when he returns home later this evening.”

The specially trained astronaut is expected to return back to earth at 9pm tonight, where he will meet his uncle and supreme leader Kim Jong-un.

It is understood that the 17-year-old ‘space explorer’ traveled at night to avoid being engulfed by the suns rays, and that this genius approach has brought the soviet state to the top of the global space rankings.

While on the sun, Mr. Hung collected sun spot samples to bring back to his supreme leader as a present.

The 18 hour mission is already being called the ‘greatest human achievement of our time’ by the North Korean central news agency.

Oh please, don’t tell me some wise-# made this up, and that the Norks aren’t really making this claim. After all, they did claim Kim Jong Il shot 11 holes-in-one the first time he ever played golf. That’s slightly less plausible than this, but they clearly aren’t too concerned about incredulity from the masses.

But wait, you say . . . they’re crazy, but this is just too much? To the sun and back in 18 hours? He “traveled at night to avoid being engulfed by the sun’s rays”? He brought back “sun spot samples” as a gift for Bowl Cut Jr. Hung Il Gong? Come on. This has to be the work of some wise-# and not actual North Korean propagandists?

I have a theory according to which both could be true.

Who’s to say there’s not some wise # who wormed his way into the propaganda ministry - someone who has a clear understanding of how insane all this is, but has noticed that Kim Jong Un and his inner circle are so divorced from reality that, no matter how absurd the material is that he comes up with, they keep signing off on it. So why not have some fun with it? They let you get away with that freaky We Are The World send up? They let you put out that business about Kim Jong Un’s uncle being fed to starving dogs? Up your game! How about landing a man on the sun? Surely you’re not going to get that one through . . . whoa.

Hey, it’s plausible. Then again, maybe they really did it. Maybe that undying faith that Obama, Reid and Pelosi have in the great power of government doesn’t go far enough.

UPDATE (Rob): Dan didn’t think of the much more obvious explanation. Someone in Pyongyang is a huge fan of Smash Mouth and/or Katrina and the Waves:

[bukowski72]

First off making an anti-masturbation PSA on a poker forum is like having a snowball convention on the surface of the sun

This is a real thing, brought to you by the people who gave us Romney. Maybe masturbation does make you gay. Check out the looks at 3:17:


Parody: