Originally Posted by
BCR
A buddy of mine told me the exact opposite of this story this morning.
I met this dude years ago when he was a school teacher in Vegas who worked with my closest friend. Great dude, MN native, and I really just loved this dude from the start. Really good athlete. Played minor league ball. Could throw a football close to 70 yards. Hit a golf ball like a pro. Just one of those dudes you hit it off with immediately and we became friends who golfed and drank with us on every trip. My buddy isn’t a gambler and was already married with young kids, so we’d go out and drink and gamble at night once my buddy called it a night and headed home to his family. We’ve been friends ever since.
He was an excellent teacher like my buddy and they were coaching everything both being good athletes. The district wanted to fast track my friend and him into administration when they were both young teachers, but Vegas doesn’t pay shit, and he left for the private sector and was the one who eventually got my buddy to leave. He’s done really well for himself.
He’s a fantastic story teller and I won’t do this justice, but he had me in tears laughing as he explained this story to me.
He moved back to MN after starting a family and was traveling to visit his in laws from Minnesota and stopped to stay at a hotel in Illinois. He was always a pot head. Way back then and still. I guess they have legal weed there, so he notices a dispensary next to a restaurant, and when they all sit down to eat he runs over to this store to grab a few pens.
I haven’t smoked weed in 25 years, so I don’t know what he bought or anything, but later when they get to their hotel and were in for the night, he went into the bathroom to take a shower and hit this thing. He takes all his clothes off to take a shower. He took a hit and was sitting down on the edge of the shower enclosure that was like also a tub. He said it really didn’t hit him at first, and he recalls looking at some marble design on the wall by the shower as he took a second hit. I have no idea what he bought, as this dude is a life long pot head, but it was clearly strong as fuck.
The literal next thing he remembers is his wife screaming his name and wondering what the hell was going on. He wakes up laying on his back naked in a pool of water that had flowed from the now broken toilet into the main room where his wife and kids are. The door is locked and she’s banging on it.
He has no recollection of standing up, but he obviously stood up and took a header right into the toilet. And he didn’t just knock it askew, he broke a porcelain toilet into what he described as 50 pieces. Absolutely smashed it. He’s lucky he didn’t hit his head or he might be dead, but somehow twisted when he fell and hit it under his armpit. He thinks he may have broke a rib. He doesn’t know how he did it or why he smashed it so badly. He’s just totally confused.
So he’s laying on his back rolling around in all the broken pieces of the toilet as he comes to, then opens the door to talk to his wife.
There is a knock on the door almost immediately as someone heard him smash this thing or it had flooded the floor below. They didn’t call him.
Either way, he throws on a towel to talk to the maintenance guy. He goes out and tells the maintenance guy the toilet broke, and the maintenance guy walks in and said ,”holy shit man, are you ok?”
My buddy didn’t even notice that when he was laying there, he was clearly rolling around in all these shards of broken porcelain. He had cuts all over his ass that he didn’t even notice and when he got up, his ass is bleeding and he got blood smudges all over the wall in his confused state as he was rushing to throw on a towel and bumping up against shit.
His ass is bleeding through the towel. He said it looked like a murder scene with all these pieces of toilet and swathes of his blood everywhere his ass touched with this pool of rust colored water from his blood on the floor.
He said he never told the dude he was sitting on the toilet, but the guy just assumed as it’s smashed and he’s bleeding from his ass through a towel with blood on the walls. Dude just assumed he sat down and for some reason it broke into all these pieces. It looks like it just collapsed as he sat on it.
The maintenance guy starts apologizing profusely and saying there must have been some cracks in the porcelain base they didn’t notice.
He gets he water to stop and says this is going to take awhile, so they move him and his family to another suite and couldn’t be nicer as they have no idea he was high as fuck and took a header into this thing. The manager called him to personally apologize once he’s in the next room. Then the general manager who works days called again an hour later asking him if he needs medical attention. He says he’s fine and it’s no big deal. He said he felt horrible as they were being so nice and apologetic thinking this is on them, but he wasn’t about to tell them what really happened.
They enjoy the rest of their stay that night except for the top of his ribs are throbbing, and him and his wife are laughing at the absurdity of it and the kids have no idea wtf happened.
He goes to check out the next morning and they comped the whole stay and were trying to buy him breakfast, offering him future stays, but he says that’s not necessary and they just want to get on the road.
The general manager comes out as she’s in now and is ordering the bellmen to go grab everyone’s stuff because he got hurt. He’s saying it isn’t necessary, but the manager is scolding him and insisting that he isn’t carrying anything after his nasty spill, and she’s as apologetic as the manager from the previous night and apologizing and worrying he’s going to sue them still as he leaves. She gave him her card as he’s leaving asking him to please contact her if he has any further problems and thanking him for being so understanding and to please come back and call her first so that they can take care of him.
So the moral of the story is if you’re going to do damage at a hotel, smoke some weed and take a header into their toilet and instead of owing $2k, they’ll pay for your whole stay and kiss your ass until you leave.