....and so it goes.....A CONFESSION

[Kilgore Trout]

You have the best words. Your post was so well written. The thing I enjoy most consistently here is the clever way some of the guys write. It could be just a single word.

Compulsive, educated, possessed opportunity but was unfulfilled, bored or unhappy. Sought out poker/gambling as an escape and did that compulsively and exclusively too.

Prefers speed to depressants (alcohol).

Would you describe yourself as an introvert or extrovert. Are people necessarily in your recipe for happiness?

Rings familiar. I quit my gig and lived at Foxwoods for 8 mo.s in 2007. There was a day when I just had enough of that too. It takes a while for the desire for that kind of rush to pass. It creeps up from time to time.

I have been back to Foxwoods maybe 5 times in 10 years. I feel so detached from whatever the attraction once was. It just looks stupid to me now.

I lived 8 mo.s at a poker table yet I just returned from Vegas. I played some 4/8 limit for 4 hours and that was it. Just something to do. There was no missing romance.

Aside from the Adderral, the biggest challenge is finding the next big thing to get compulsive about. That's where the people thing comes. The good stuff comes from networking and random acquaintances - a frigging miracle this ever happened in my case.

Not contributing much but your post is irresistible.

I am an extrovert. A leader, never a follower. I also can be oppositional and defiant. That said, I really dig doing things solo. I enjoy other people - only to the extent that I can tolerate being around them, which recently, is not at all. I am (and always have been) fascinated by human behavior. I love people watching. Conversely, I hate being studied or critiqued. I really enjoy social situations that I can control. I cannot deal if things become too personal or I cannot control my environment. Does that make sense?

Re: getting compulsive about something else - you are right. It’s a matter of replacing a good/healthier behavior for the less than healthy habits I have acquired. I am a master throwing myself 100% into something I derive pleasure from.