So I have a new story for the stupid file. I work for a private security company. We hire security officers to work at different client sites. Some of these places are very high security utility plants, nuclear reactors, etc while others are very low security factories or what not.

Our HR manager was leaving at noon today so she asked me if I could interview this guy who would be in about 1:00 today. I obviously say that I will. All of our applicants fill out their application on-line. We then print it out. When they arrive we ask them to verify the information and sign the back of the application. So while they fill the application out they get asked questions like do you have a clear background, do you do drugs, do you have reliable transportation, etc. Then they verify this information is correct before signing it. So twice they have verified it all. Then during the interview process we redundantly ask them many of the same questions, mainly about the background check. So a total of three times they get asked if they have any felonies/misdemeanors, etc.

Anyways I interview this 53 year old guy who is different but will probably be a perfectly fine part time weekend security officer at Energizer Battery factory. He did say odd stuff you should never say in an interview (ex. I ask why he hasn’t worked for 2 years and he says something about it being easier to just collect unemployment) but I thought he would be fine for this very easy essentially do nothing job. After this process we have to fill out two more forms, one is an offer letter and one is a disclosure to do a background check. I go and get these forms and bring them back in. He asks if I have a phone book which I find odd because nothing is required on these forms except personal info. Nonetheless I get him the book. He signs off on the offer letter and background check release. We are just making some small talk and he looks up a phone number. I leave him in the conference room seemingly to make his personal call (maybe for a ride to come get him or something, who knows!). Im out in the reception area putting his paperwork together and can over hear his call. He says something along the lines of paying his fine and talking to his public defender. Immediately Im thinking “what the hell!” I run back to my desk and pull up Casenet and type his info in real quick. After some quick browsing I find out he has a lot of speeding tickets, been divorced three times in a few years, has multiple judgments against him in civil court, etc. The cherry on the sundae is that two weeks ago he was charged with misdemeanor theft (<$500).

I catch him headed out the elevator and ask him if he can come back and chat for a second. I bring him to my office this time. I tell him I just started his preliminary background check and it looks like he was recently charged with theft? He says “yep, I got caught stealing at Wal-Mart!” I ask him if he is pleading guilty or fighting it or anything and he just says “nope, I did it and I will be pleading guilty!” It takes me a few more minutes to get through to him that we cant hire him to be a security officer if he just two weeks ago was caught stealing and arrested! His last point of argument was “I didn’t think it was a felony or a misdemeanor, I just thought it was like a municipal fine.”

What the hell is wrong with people these days!?!?!?!?!?

Anyone else have a LOL story from work?