I see you lurkin big guy, where ya been? Heeb situation?
I see you lurkin big guy, where ya been? Heeb situation?
Heeb situation went south. My life, also, went very south. Im out a friend, my only car, what little savings I had, and the only plus is that I'm back in the gym and have been clean 100% for a decent amount of time. Long enough to wish I back on dope, if that means anything.
How are you?
Originally Posted by sonatine
Happy to hear it
Originally Posted by sonatine
heeb did the unthinkable and pawned his damn phone to buy drugs and hit the street. I got into an argument with his dad sort of, because I told him the bottom line is that Dan is not in control his addiction is and the best advice I had was find Dan, tell him he gets his ass into a real SLE (hand picked by vwls) and make a REAL effort to change, or go to jail. I was willing to make the call, if it came to that.
dad said hands off and just cut checks when and where needed was the most he was willing to do, and the idea of putting dan in handcuffs rubbed him the wrong way. i'm done, I am officially done. I cannot stick my neck out for the guy anymore, he's broken my trust and made a fool out of me far too many times.
it hurts, especially right now, and this is my test. can I stay sober while everyfucking thing is going wrong? doing ok so far, have money and easy access, no desire, NONE. I hope things stay that way, but if I get the call something bad happened to Dan, no clue what i'll do. Take things as they come I suppose.
Originally Posted by sonatine
two posts down.
dunno, for the last month-month and a half I got high a couple times, nothing the last couple weeks for sure. Some really weird emotional moments, and I've drank some here and there, but that's it. I had a stint on skatz a couple weeks ago where I had been up 3-4 days and was making a complete ass out of myself and when I sobered up, I fought tooth and nail against the cravings/withdrawls and made a break for survival. Got my hands on some gear, back in the gym last week or so, doing great.
Originally Posted by sonatine
good luck mikey
Hi Lew!!!
I don't know what to make of this, though it's slightly less venomous than usual, so I'll take it as hello.
Heeb, that's a touchy subject. I'm not going there right now. He's my friend, but he's someone I have to stay away from for my own sake, and that's a very shitty feeling for me.
Originally Posted by sonatine
it was a bad thought that I had to be on drugs to think. I don't have such a hard time staying clean, but making bad life choices, yeah that's a big weakness on my part. Common sense type shit that seems trivial to most just doesn't ring a bell when I'm making tough life decisions. Sorry for not being perfect, but I have learned to listen to people and take advice, for whatever that's worth. Yes, I cut heeb out of my life, concentrating on numero uno, and I feel all the more shallow and selfish for doing it. But he's not there looking out for me (no one is, really) so I guess it is what it is.
It's all quite depressing, so forgive me if I change the subject, or just stop talking about it.
Originally Posted by sonatine
what kind of gear are you working with?
Hi Lew!!!
anything I want, as always. taking things slow right now, not in the mood for self-incrimination though. just an oral or two, some letrozole, might throw in eca to keep the fat off.
best thing about *ahem* other substances is the pronounced fat burning effect. if you've got muscle to start with anyway, just seems like fat melts off at first, then you get stringy when glycogen stores get low, time to re-feed, stay on top of the game.
I never let my weight drop below 195, right now hovering around 205 or so, still 9%.
Originally Posted by sonatine
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