MODELS INDICATE THE ENTIRE FLORIDA PANHANDLE WILL BE ENTOMBED IN A RADIOACTIVE FOG THICK ENOUGH TO STOP CELL SIGNALS COLD ONCE THE FIRST WAVE OF BODIES START TO DECOMPOSE. A SECOND CARBONIFEROUS PERIOD WILL BEGIN THERE AND SPREAD WEST AND SLIGHTLY NORTH. TEXAS, LOUISIANA WILL BECOME HUNTING GROUNDS FOR FIRE ANTS THE SIZE OF FOOTBALLS, WILD BOARS WILL TEAR THROUGH HOMES TO DEVOUR THE SUCCULENT REPUBLICANS COWERING INSIDE, PRAYING TO AN IMAGINARY GOD WHILE FRANTICALLY SWITCHING THROUGH AM RADIO STATIONS, VAINLY SEARCHING FOR HOPE THAT THEIR LEADERS WILL HAVE SURVIVED THE MEGA STORMS STRIPPING ALL TOPSOIL IN THEIR PATH AND DISPERSING IT ACROSS THE PACIFIC OCEAN AND GULF OF MEXICO.
STATES ABOVE THE MASON DIXON LINE WILL BE LARGELY UNAFFECTED BEYOND GROUNDING THEIR PLANES INDEFINITELY.
YOU HAVE 8 WEEKS TO STOP BEING POOR AND MOVE TO A CIVILIZED PART OF THE WORLD IF YOU DO NOT LIVE ABOVE THE MASON DIXON LINE.
YOU WERE WARNED.
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