Storytime with LIONINSIDE

[LIONINSIDE]

Hi PFA,

My family just headed off to the airport so I’ve got some time on my shaky hands the next few days. I’ve been looking forward to this weekend. My original plan was to pick up a bartender (or two) and bring them back to my house and fuck’em in my soon-to-be ex wife’s bed.

But my ribs are killing me and I have a huge gross bruise on my ass from falling down the stairs two nights ago. And I shit my pants twice last week which might kill the mood if it were to happen again.

I have everything under control here.

Instead, I am going to spend some time over the next couple of days attempting to give back to Dan Druff and his community by telling some tales that I hope you will find entertaining.

I’ve been around poker for a long time and have been a daily lurker of most poker forums for the past 20+ years. Druff’s content has always been my favorite source of entertainment. It blows my mind how he, this site, and his radio show haven’t gotten nearly the proper recognition. It’s the stone-cold nuts. But I guess these days, folks are more entertained by reading the tweets of the ugly women of poker that are kyna kunts who attempt to draw attention to themselves by trashing other people’s reputations over social media.

I digress. I’ll have more to write on those dorks & bimbos in another post if there’s interest.

The last couple of days I’ve been going through photographs of my RRRRRRRECKLESS LIFE and feel it’d be a shame if I kicked off without sharing some stories. I will post pics and vids when appropriate. That always makes these threads better imo. I’ll let you guys decide which titles seem more interesting and try to post in that order.

And if none of them do, just hit me with the ‘LATER FAG’ (cracks me up every time even though I know it’s coming) meme and I’ll show myself out.


Here’s the list of tales/thoughts/opinions (in no particular order) I’ve come up with after a short time brainstorming. But I have many more…

Alcoholism, severe OCD, Mortality Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorder - I don’t know how or why I’m still alive. (pics)

Lioninside’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas - Fish in a barrel. Fish. In. A. Barrel.

Jimmy Z. - Always the smartest guy in the room (imo) and a great friendship that was lost, but gradually recovered over the years due to a $1,200 gambling debt when we were dumb teenagers. (pic)

Grandma Jean - Oh man. Probably my worst errr, maybe best story. (pic)

The most intense laughing fit I’ve had in my life - Foxwoods Poker Room 2003

THC”a” PSA - Avoid the fucking shit they sell in these “dispensaries” in North Carolina (where mj is illegal).

“Operation Top Hat”. My mission for this weekend (2/17-2/19) Wish me luck!!!

My thoughts on the shit stirring women of poker twitter - Lol. These fucking retards. (pics)

“Chef” - OMFG. This guy might be the biggest loon I’ve met over the years. (vids)

The night I did coke for the first and only time - NOW WE’RE FUCKIN’ PARTYIN’!!!

My grossest “bad beat” - Mirage ‘04

The beverage industry in Las Vegas - Yuck. Fucking yuck.

The goddamn pimps & whores who are allowed to run their business freely in Las Vegas casinos.


The frequency of the murders, jumpers, and other shit that happens in casinos/parking garages in Las Vegas that goes either unreported or underreported. -


Life after the lockdown in LV and how much has changed. For the worse. - Quitting my job and getting the fuck out of Vegas.

“Daddy Dave” - Mirage/Bellagio limit holdem pro (2004 -2007 or so). One sharp motherfucker that I learned a lot from. (link to twoplustwo thread if I can find it.)

Theft/cheating I’ve witnessed in poker rooms over the years. - I’ve been around awhile.

Garrett Faggotstein’s reaction and behavior after the J4o hand. - what a fucking pussy that guy is.


Without further ado, I will start with a short tale of The Quickest & Hottest Pickup. (pics)

Depending on the reception I will continue to post more. A little background on myself first…

I moved to Las Vegas in the spring of 2004 to be a poker pro and meet like-minded players that I could learn from. My plan was to play the $10/$20 LHE Mirage game and grow my $10k liferoll. I had been beating the games at Foxwoods and the $1/$2 and $2/$4 LHE games online, so it seemed like a great idea. Genius idea.

My first day on the job I walked in and put my name on the list with the tip hustling & one of the worst customer service workers I’ve ever encountered. Bernice.

There was a $6/$12 seat open so I sat to warm up for my big debut as poker pro. When my name was called for the $10/$20 I was stuck and felt like staying put. Lost big and noticed how the game played a little differently than the games at Foxwoods. So I thought it was best to get comfortable and play that game for a few days to figure things out.

I never did make it to the $10/$20 that spring/summer. But I met some good friends in that game. Buddies that had similar interests. Like carousing the strip everynight after poker and getting as fucking drunk as possible. Then waking up and doing it all over again the next day.

On one of our wild mornings while walking down the strip my pal Dan was in usual form.

Four or five of us in our early 20’s are walking the strip at ~7am after a night of ripping it up at Carnival Court and playing micro-stakes pit games at Casino Royale for the laughs and comped drinks.

Off in the distance there was a group of girls heading towards us. Even from afar you could see they had also been up all night partying their tits off.

Danny boy starts picking up his pace. Breaking away from the rest of us with a very determined gait. The rest of us we’re laughing and thinking, “what the fuck is he doing?!”

Then one of the girls breaks from her gaggle with equal determination and they start walking faster towards each other.

Complete strangers.

She jumps into his arms. He throws her up against the Margaritaville railing and they have a beautiful passionate make-out session. Once he placed her on her feet and they took off, the rest of us followed them walking hand-in-hand to the nearest entrance where he proceeded to fuck her brains out in an Oshea’s bathroom stall.





Las Vegas was a great place to be in 2004 for a dude in his early 20's.

[Dan Druff]

I'm a little disappointed that your first story involved Danny getting laid in the O'Shea's bathroom, while the rest of you guys didn't make it happen with the girl's friends. But I guess the rest of her friends probably weren't more adventurous.

My request for the first story is "Lioninside’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas", as the dudes here can likely benefit from it. Keep in mind that most of us are old now, so that might affect the advice.

On a related note, a lot of tourist dudes don't realize that local Vegas women do not want to fuck tourists. I see this mistake time and time again. Maybe if you're a super good looking guy you can pull it off, but for the most part, the local chicks are only going to fuck other locals. This is because they perceive (often correctly) that tourist guys are simply in town to use a girl for sex and never call her again, so even if the girls only want casual sex themselves, they tend not to like the idea of some dude blowing into town just to use them. So they stay away.

Tourist women are different, as often they also want to get wild, and they don't care if it's with another tourist or a local.

Anyway, I look forward to your story.

Thank you for the compliments about my show.

[limitles]

Hi PFA, My family just headed off to the airport so I’ve got some time on my shaky hands the next few days. I’ve been looking forward to this weekend. My original plan was to pick up a bartender (or two) and bring them back to my house and fuck’em in my soon-to-be ex wife’s bed. But my ribs are killing me and I have a huge gross bruise on my ass from falling down the stairs two nights ago. And I shit my pants twice last week which might kill the mood if it were to happen again. I have everything under control here. Instead, I am going to spend some time over the next couple of days attempting to give back to Dan Druff and his community by telling some tales that I hope you will find entertaining. I’ve been around poker for a long time and have been a daily lurker of most poker forums for the past 20+ years. Druff’s content has always been my favorite source of entertainment. It blows my mind how he, this site, and his radio show haven’t gotten nearly the proper recognition. It’s the stone-cold nuts. But I guess these days, folks are more entertained by reading the tweets of the ugly women of poker that are kyna kunts who attempt to draw attention to themselves by trashing other people’s reputations over social media. I digress. I’ll have more to write on those dorks & bimbos in another post if there’s interest. The last couple of days I’ve been going through photographs of my RRRRRRRECKLESS LIFE and feel it’d be a shame if I kicked off without sharing some stories. I will post pics and vids when appropriate. That always makes these threads better imo. I’ll let you guys decide which titles seem more interesting and try to post in that order. And if none of them do, just hit me with the ‘LATER FAG’ (cracks me up every time even though I know it’s coming) meme and I’ll show myself out. Here’s the list of tales/thoughts/opinions (in no particular order) I’ve come up with after a short time brainstorming. But I have many more… Alcoholism, severe OCD, Mortality Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorder - I don’t know how or why I’m still alive. (pics)Lioninside’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas - Fish in a barrel. Fish. In. A. Barrel. Jimmy Z. - Always the smartest guy in the room (imo) and a great friendship that was lost, but gradually recovered over the years due to a $1,200 gambling debt when we were dumb teenagers. (pic)Grandma Jean - Oh man. Probably my worst errr, maybe best story. (pic)The most intense laughing fit I’ve had in my life - Foxwoods Poker Room 2003THC”a” PSA - Avoid the fucking shit they sell in these “dispensaries” in North Carolina (where mj is illegal).“Operation Top Hat”. My mission for this weekend (2/17-2/19) Wish me luck!!!My thoughts on the shit stirring women of poker twitter - Lol. These fucking retards. (pics)“Chef” - OMFG. This guy might be the biggest loon I’ve met over the years. (vids)The night I did coke for the first and only time - NOW WE’RE FUCKIN’ PARTYIN’!!! My grossest “bad beat” - Mirage ‘04The beverage industry in Las Vegas - Yuck. Fucking yuck. The goddamn pimps & whores who are allowed to run their business freely in Las Vegas casinos. The frequency of the murders, jumpers, and other shit that happens in casinos/parking garages in Las Vegas that goes either unreported or underreported. -Life after the lockdown in LV and how much has changed. For the worse. - Quitting my job and getting the fuck out of Vegas. “Daddy Dave” - Mirage/Bellagio limit holdem pro (2004 -2007 or so). One sharp motherfucker that I learned a lot from. (link to twoplustwo thread if I can find it.)Theft/cheating I’ve witnessed in poker rooms over the years. - I’ve been around awhile. Garrett Faggotstein’s reaction and behavior after the J4o hand. - what a fucking pussy that guy is. Without further ado, I will start with a short tale of The Quickest & Hottest Pickup. (pics)Depending on the reception I will continue to post more. A little background on myself first…I moved to Las Vegas in the spring of 2004 to be a poker pro and meet like-minded players that I could learn from. My plan was to play the $10/$20 LHE Mirage game and grow my $10k liferoll. I had been beating the games at Foxwoods and the $1/$2 and $2/$4 LHE games online, so it seemed like a great idea. Genius idea.My first day on the job I walked in and put my name on the list with the tip hustling & one of the worst customer service workers I’ve ever encountered. Bernice. There was a $6/$12 seat open so I sat to warm up for my big debut as poker pro. When my name was called for the $10/$20 I was stuck and felt like staying put. Lost big and noticed how the game played a little differently than the games at Foxwoods. So I thought it was best to get comfortable and play that game for a few days to figure things out. I never did make it to the $10/$20 that spring/summer. But I met some good friends in that game. Buddies that had similar interests. Like carousing the strip everynight after poker and getting as fucking drunk as possible. Then waking up and doing it all over again the next day. On one of our wild mornings while walking down the strip my pal Dan was in usual form.Four or five of us in our early 20’s are walking the strip at ~7am after a night of ripping it up at Carnival Court and playing micro-stakes pit games at Casino Royale for the laughs and comped drinks. Off in the distance there was a group of girls heading towards us. Even from afar you could see they had also been up all night partying their tits off. Danny boy starts picking up his pace. Breaking away from the rest of us with a very determined gait. The rest of us we’re laughing and thinking, “what the fuck is he doing?!”Then one of the girls breaks from her gaggle with equal determination and they start walking faster towards each other. Complete strangers. She jumps into his arms. He throws her up against the Margaritaville railing and they have a beautiful passionate make-out session. Once he placed her on her feet and they took off, the rest of us followed them walking hand-in-hand to the nearest entrance where he proceeded to fuck her brains out in an Oshea’s bathroom stall. Las Vegas was a great place to be in 2004 for a dude in his early 20's.

That's your sister. Your mom, the photographer.No one really cares. Being honest. I am in my second decade of incredible life experiences and there is no end in sight. The last month alone is worthy of a short story.

[LIONINSIDE]

I wasn't planning on responding to the losers, but lol. I have no idea what the fuck you are trying to say here. And from reading your past posts, I'm not surprised in the least that the proudest alcoholic poster on PFA feels threatened that his belt is about to be stripped from him.

[splitthis]

Seeing MySpace trending on Twitter and reading stories of a better time is goot.

[limitles]

I wasn't planning on responding to the losers, but lol. I have no idea what the fuck you are trying to say here. And from reading your past posts, I'm not surprised in the least that the proudest alcoholic poster on PFA feels threatened that his belt is about to be stripped from him.

You didn't get it? No one really cares.

"Going to pick up a bartender or two?
You just lost an audience right there

The best stories are true and usually non flattering

[LIONINSIDE]

Les, have you ever had sex in the back room of a bar with two "lesbians"?

Didn't think so.

Stick to your own pathetic threads, please. You're distracting me.

What's a Canadian farm boy to do? What's a Canadian farm boy to do? What's a Canadian farm boy to do?

I guess sit around and make retarded comments on an 8th tier poker forum all day.

[Dan Druff]

Les, have you ever had sex in the back room of a bar with two "lesbians"?

Didn't think so.

Stick to your own pathetic threads, please. You're distracting me.

What's a Canadian farm boy to do? What's a Canadian farm boy to do? What's a Canadian farm boy to do?

I guess sit around and make retarded comments on an 8th tier poker forum all day.

Don't worry about drunkles who criticizes everything. Let's hear the next story.

[Daly]

Me and a good buddy i grew up with had one of the most ridiculous screaming laughing moments in a elevator in UNH when a family got in the elevator with us with what was clearly a Jr in HS daughter after we smoked a half a pound of weed. That story has been retold at least 100 times. We each blame the other for cracking first which caused us both to lose total control and enter hysterics.



Whats this laughing story at foxwoods?

[LIONINSIDE]

I thought of at least another 10 stories while I was half-sleeping last night/this morning. But I will try to post in the order of request. So here’s…

LIONINSIDE’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas

Apologies if this is common knowledge. But in all of my years in Las Vegas I’ve never heard or seen this piece of advice.

You don’t need to be good looking or even socially competent.

The key is to hang out in and around the places where women gather after watching hunks shake their ding-dongs around for an hour at the male revue shows.

If you think about it, it makes sense biologically. And many of these girls are looking to do something wild on their girl’s trip or bachelorette party in Vegas. Trying to one-up their friends in some instances. Or in the need for some love due to their crappy marriage/ uninterested husbands.

There was a nightclub, ‘Seven’, in front of Monte Carlo back in 2004. I believe it's where the El Diablo Cantina is now. They had the perfect setup.

I smile every time I drive by there thinking of how I batted 1.000% (4-for-4) at that friggin 'goldmine.

They had the PERFECT setup. Once the show was over at 11pm or whatever it turned into a nightclub. So there were a 100 or so women standing around or dancing. All horned up and ready to go.

Fish. In. A. Barrel.

My most memorable at-bat (3-for-3 at this time) was when a group of buddies from back east came to visit. I was raving about this place and telling them how they’re all going to get laid tonight. I made sure we arrived early, and at some point I sensed they were starting to get antsy while waiting in line. Eventually my good friend James says, “LIONINSIDE! What the fuck are we doing here?!? You’re all talk! You’re not getting laid tonight!”

“OK James. You’ll see.”

Once the doors opened I led the crew towards the dance floor where there was a sea of ladies having the time of their lives. The MOMENT I stepped on the floor I was approached by a woman. She wasn’t that great looking, but I’ve always had a thing for chicks with nicely groomed short hair. And, if you read the following stories you will know, I have some low standards.

After a couple of hours of drinking and partying at the fish factory I brought this delicious bass home. She was a college professor at some midwest university. Indiana I believe. I’m sure she was wildly impressed with my luxurious apartment.

The Budget Suites at 1500 Stardust Rd. Apt 3151.

After a few minutes of heavy-petting on the couch she excuses herself and goes to the bathroom to clean up. When she comes out of the bathroom she’s wearing this sexy, black, tiny piece of lingerie. I’m thinking, “Did this horndog really go out to the Strip tonight with a negligee packed in her purse?!?!”

Fish in a barrel my friends. Fish in a barrel.

[limitles]

I thought of at least another 10 stories while I was half-sleeping last night/this morning. But I will try to post in the order of request. So here’s…

LIONINSIDE’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas

Apologies if this is common knowledge. But in all of my years in Las Vegas I’ve never heard or seen this piece of advice.

You don’t need to be good looking or even socially competent.

The key is to hang out in and around the places where women gather after watching hunks shake their ding-dongs around for an hour at the male revue shows.

If you think about it, it makes sense biologically. And many of these girls are looking to do something wild on their girl’s trip or bachelorette party in Vegas. Trying to one-up their friends in some instances. Or in the need for some love due to their crappy marriage/ uninterested husbands.

There was a nightclub, ‘Seven’, in front of Monte Carlo back in 2004. I believe it's where the El Diablo Cantina is now. They had the perfect setup.

I smile every time I drive by there thinking of how I batted 1.000% (4-for-4) at that friggin 'goldmine.

They had the PERFECT setup. Once the show was over at 11pm or whatever it turned into a nightclub. So there were a 100 or so women standing around or dancing. All horned up and ready to go.

Fish. In. A. Barrel.

My most memorable at-bat (3-for-3 at this time) was when a group of buddies from back east came to visit. I was raving about this place and telling them how they’re all going to get laid tonight. I made sure we arrived early, and at some point I sensed they were starting to get antsy while waiting in line. Eventually my good friend James says, “LIONINSIDE! What the fuck are we doing here?!? You’re all talk! You’re not getting laid tonight!”

“OK James. You’ll see.”

Once the doors opened I led the crew towards the dance floor where there was a sea of ladies having the time of their lives. The MOMENT I stepped on the floor I was approached by a woman. She wasn’t that great looking, but I’ve always had a thing for chicks with nicely groomed short hair. And, if you read the following stories you will know, I have some low standards.

After a couple of hours of drinking and partying at the fish factory I brought this delicious bass home. She was a college professor at some midwest university. Indiana I believe. I’m sure she was wildly impressed with my luxurious apartment.

The Budget Suites at 1500 Stardust Rd. Apt 3151.

After a few minutes of heavy-petting on the couch she excuses herself and goes to the bathroom to clean up. When she comes out of the bathroom she’s wearing this sexy, black, tiny piece of lingerie. I’m thinking, “Did this horndog really go out to the Strip tonight with a negligee packed in her purse?!?!”

Fish in a barrel my friends. Fish in a barrel.

Shut up
Not joking If I heard this kind of talk(disrespect towards women) from you in person, you would soon be in hospital and me in jail

[limitles]

I thought of at least another 10 stories while I was half-sleeping last night/this morning. But I will try to post in the order of request. So here’s…

LIONINSIDE’s #1 tip for picking up tourist women in Vegas

Apologies if this is common knowledge. But in all of my years in Las Vegas I’ve never heard or seen this piece of advice.

You don’t need to be good looking or even socially competent.

The key is to hang out in and around the places where women gather after watching hunks shake their ding-dongs around for an hour at the male revue shows.

If you think about it, it makes sense biologically. And many of these girls are looking to do something wild on their girl’s trip or bachelorette party in Vegas. Trying to one-up their friends in some instances. Or in the need for some love due to their crappy marriage/ uninterested husbands.

There was a nightclub, ‘Seven’, in front of Monte Carlo back in 2004. I believe it's where the El Diablo Cantina is now. They had the perfect setup.

I smile every time I drive by there thinking of how I batted 1.000% (4-for-4) at that friggin 'goldmine.

They had the PERFECT setup. Once the show was over at 11pm or whatever it turned into a nightclub. So there were a 100 or so women standing around or dancing. All horned up and ready to go.

Fish. In. A. Barrel.

My most memorable at-bat (3-for-3 at this time) was when a group of buddies from back east came to visit. I was raving about this place and telling them how they’re all going to get laid tonight. I made sure we arrived early, and at some point I sensed they were starting to get antsy while waiting in line. Eventually my good friend James says, “LIONINSIDE! What the fuck are we doing here?!? You’re all talk! You’re not getting laid tonight!”

“OK James. You’ll see.”

Once the doors opened I led the crew towards the dance floor where there was a sea of ladies having the time of their lives. The MOMENT I stepped on the floor I was approached by a woman. She wasn’t that great looking, but I’ve always had a thing for chicks with nicely groomed short hair. And, if you read the following stories you will know, I have some low standards.

After a couple of hours of drinking and partying at the fish factory I brought this delicious bass home. She was a college professor at some midwest university. Indiana I believe. I’m sure she was wildly impressed with my luxurious apartment.

The Budget Suites at 1500 Stardust Rd. Apt 3151.

After a few minutes of heavy-petting on the couch she excuses herself and goes to the bathroom to clean up. When she comes out of the bathroom she’s wearing this sexy, black, tiny piece of lingerie. I’m thinking, “Did this horndog really go out to the Strip tonight with a negligee packed in her purse?!?!”

Fish in a barrel my friends. Fish in a barrel.

Shut up
Not joking If I heard this kind of talk(disrespect towards women) from you in person, you would soon be in hospital and me in jail

Even if this isn't 100% bullshit, which I believe it is, these are sick thoughts. You imagine dominating others. That is a sickness, a mental illness, and a pretty bad one at that. People are locked up for life because they take advantage of others in the worst ways.
Again,shut up

[LIONINSIDE]

Shut up
Not joking If I heard this kind of talk(disrespect towards women) from you in person, you would soon be in hospital and me in jail

If I had to guess how many women limitles has had sex with in his life it would be...

Zero, point, Zero.

It's nothing to be ashamed of though, Les. You're not alone. There are plenty of 50 year old virgins in this world.

[dwai]

limitedles fagging up another thread, pfa in shambles

[Daly]

limitedles fagging up another thread, pfa in shambles

Wouldn't know. Had him on ignore for 2 years. If everyone here would do the same he would either stop posting or find another board to ruin.

[FRANKRIZZO]

limitedles fagging up another thread, pfa in shambles

Wouldn't know. Had him on ignore for 2 years. If everyone here would do the same he would either stop posting or find another board to ruin.

I do this also but have to sign in for ignore function to work. I view the forum without signing in. I just no longer engage with him.

[LIONINSIDE]

On a related note, a lot of tourist dudes don't realize that local Vegas women do not want to fuck tourists. I see this mistake time and time again. Maybe if you're a super good looking guy you can pull it off, but for the most part, the local chicks are only going to fuck other locals. This is because they perceive (often correctly) that tourist guys are simply in town to use a girl for sex and never call her again, so even if the girls only want casual sex themselves, they tend not to like the idea of some dude blowing into town just to use them. So they stay away.

Tourist women are different, as often they also want to get wild, and they don't care if it's with another tourist or a local.

I just spent way too long searching for the Joy Miller photo. And that's a terrible waste of time on a Friday night when the wife's out town. So I'll just write...

THIS^^^

[LIONINSIDE]

I’m not sure that I’ll get the story Daly requested written tonight because with the house to myself I’ve been rocking out hard in my living room. Jamming to my favorite songwriter.

It’s tough to top Dylan, but this dude's art speaks to me like no other. Same with Druff's radio show, WZ’s work is criminally underrated.

“But loving Warren Zevon remains a lonely pursuit. Or, should I say, an interest that one chooses to pursue alone, preferably while drinking all the salty margaritas in Los Angeles, because his songs recognize something true and deep inside your heart that you don’t feel comfortable sharing with most people." Steven Hyden

I don’t know how many women of poker twitter (the one’s that can’t even beat a $1/$2 NL game in the state of Texas in the year 2023) read this forum. But if you’re out there, this one is for you…

[country978]

That's a nice song. I've never known this artist for anything more than Werewolf's of London and maybe one other. I'd like to hear the Foxwood story too. Actually, all of them. You said this would be your weekend but so far you've only told one and its already Sunday.

[LIONINSIDE]

You said this would be your weekend but so far you've only told one and its already Sunday.

FUCK! I thought today was Saturday. What day is it?

Sit tight. I'm in rough shape over here. I suck with computer stuff (posting photos/vids). It takes me awhile.

And I'm no writer, thanks to 'Reed, The Cleveland Steamer' - The new "hot" English teacher my sophomore year of HS that had a thing for 14 year old girls. And humiliated me in front of the class by trashing an assignment that I had put a lot of effort into. That was the last time I completed any assignments for that fuckin' guy.

When I go through these spells I sometimes don't eat for a day. Or two. Or three. I have no appetite but I need to get some food. I'm going to head out and grab a couple of pizzas right now. I'll write later.