There was a homeless man that passed away this past week in Lompoc, California. On more than one occasion he told me that he was the son of Zod. His name was August. He was a gentle soul who was actually quite beloved by the locals. I often made a pizza for him when I saw him.
August was easy to spot as he was always dressed in military clothing and had his faithful Husky by his side. He never asked for anything but would accept anything you offered him. To thank you he would often give you a piece of jewelry that he made. The only thing that angered him was if you tried to touch his dog. If you asked him what his dogs name was he would reply, “that is on a need to know basis and you don’t need to know.”
I believe he was schizophrenic. He was fascinating to talk to. Stories that made no sense unless you truly were mentally ill. Here are some of my favorites:
- I once asked him if he had been in the military since he was always wearing fatigues. He said that he was currently still active. I asked what branch and he replied, “Army, Nave, Air Force, Marines, CIA, NSA and FBI.” He then said that his rank was one higher than a general.
- recently he had gone to Los Angeles for a few weeks. He told me that as he was walking down the street a cop car pulled up and his father, Zod, got out of the car. His father offered to help him if he would “Kneel before Zod”. Having bad knees, however, he could not kneel so his father left.
- his daily routine consisted of walking to three different liquor stores in town where he would bill by bill scan his stack of Vietnamese money thru the bar code reader used to check your lottery tickets. There are no barcodes on the bill so his reason was a mystery.
- Prior to his husky he had a German shepherd. He said that one day while resting in a field a fedora wearing talking rat appeared and his dog killed it. His dog was arrested for murder. He claims to have raised the bail money but as he was headed to bail him out when he was robbed. The thief stole the money as well as his right arm. He was able to recover his arm and it worked as good as ever. Sadly his dog received the death penalty for the murder.
- he was once an addict but claimed to have been clean for over five years. He told me he stopped when after using a large amount of speed, he found himself wanting to fuck his dog.
- he claimed that COVID was actually sent here by the Klingons to destroy Earth.
RIP August