There is a new movie involving gambling called "Money Plane."
This film features WWE star Edge, Denise Richards, Kelsey Grammar, Thomas Jane, and Joey Lawrence (woah!). It's directed by Andrew Lawrence (Joey's brother). It also stars Lawrence brother Matthew. Remember when Joey, Andrew, and Matthew were on a show together called Brotherly Love? Me neither.
The basic plot is that man-bunned Edge leads a crew that fails to steal a painting during an art heist. As penance, Kelsey Grammar makes them infiltrate a depraved casino-in-the-sky to steal billions worth of cash and cryptocurrency.
That actually sounds like a decent premise. Unfortunately, this film is a fiasco from start-to-finish. But it's such a fiasco that it's impossible to look away.
Everyone must watch this movie. We need to discuss it. It needs to be the subject of film and philosophy courses in university. It is simultaneously the worst thing put to film and the most important cultural artifact we will ever know.
Once more people have seen it we can discuss the hilariously bad aspects of this movie but for now I will summarize the poker scene just to give you an idea of what we're dealing with.
For context, Edge and his crew have infiltrated the Money Plane and he is posing as one of the gamblers (You see, only on Money Plane can you gamble for such astronomical stakes on an assortment of forbidden games such as "Russian Roulette," "How Long Will It Take for Piranhas to Eat a Man Alive?" and "Texas Hold'em Poker." This is all perfectly legal because they are in international airspace. Obviously.).
There's a montage of them playing poker with the standard Walmart chips that you see in every movie that features poker. And then, they play a climactic hand.
Edge picks up an absolute monster: J-4 offsuit.
We don't see any of the preflop action but we have to assume he's piling it in with such a strong holding.
The dealer puts out a flop of 4, 7, 5 rainbow. She deals the flop like no dealer I've ever seen (flipping over one card at a time) and then immediately deals the turn without any flop betting action for some reason. It's an offsuit Q completing the rainbow board. Edge has a piece with his pair of 4s and J kicker so naturally he goes all-in for an undetermined amount with two players behind him. They both call.
The river is a 7. The first caller mucks without showing. The other caller declares he has a full house without showing his cards. He rakes in the pot. And Edge reveals his losing pair of 4s.
And that's the end of the hand. And that's seriously what they chose as their climactic poker scene. It's so baffling that it's genius.
I cannot recommend this movie enough.