This report was written by the owner of the website "All Aussie Poker", in April 2006.

The names involved besides Hellmuth:

Count Counter: me
SploogyMcGoo: Mike "Schneids" Schneider
Hoss_TBF: Matt Hawrilenko

My frequent use of the "play poker like the pros" line was in reference to the title of his then-recently released strategy book.

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This week I was witness to some amusing, yet poor poker etiquette.

I was watching a $300/$600 game of Limit Hold’em online. Sitting at the table, I was observing the well known poker pro Phil Hellmuth.

When I arrived at the table Hellmuth had just cashed in for 10K. Below are details of what transpired over the next 3 to 4 hours of play.

Hellmuth buy’s in for $10,000.

The table is a short handed table with only 6 seats, all of which are full. The format is Limit Hold’em $300/$600.

There is not much talk at the table in the first half an hour, Hellmuth wins some pots, but loses a few big ones. He seems to be playing a pretty tight game and he has had some large pocket pairs cracked. One hand saw Hellmuth lose with Q-Q to K-J off suit. This was a rather big pot around the $10,000 mark. Hellmuth remains calm and play continues. Not long after Hellmuth is busted and re-buys for another $6,000.

It is at about this time that some of the other players make a few remarks. It starts as a bit of competitive table talk, but before long the table is taking shots at Hellmuth left, right and centre. He is also coping a painful string of bad beats.

Hellmuth:
Put all the beats on me you want

”Hoss_TBF”:
I intend to

Hellmuth:
Priceless game

“Hoss_TBF”:
Correct me if I’m wrong, but hasn’t it been rather costly?

Hellmuth:
Yes, but you started needling me as you beat me, that negative energy usually doesn’t work out too well

“Hoss_TBF”:
Well, if you had given me the chance to lose I would have done my best

Hellmuth:
How many big pairs of mine did you beat so far?

“Hoss_TBF”:
Most, if not all?

“Hoss_TBF”:
No denying I’m getting very lucky

“Count Counter”:
The sad thing is you have chunked off so much and I am still down

Hellmuth:
Yeah, I “chunked it off”

Hellmuth:
Cannot believe I’m not up 50K as bad as they play here

Play continues

Hellmuth is holding A-K suited and raises the pot, 2 callers. He hits his King on the flop for top pair with best kicker. Hellmuth bets out and one opponent folds, the other re-raises, Hellmuth then re-raises and his opponent calls. The Turn is an Ace, Hellmuth has top 2 pair, with no flush draw on the board. The 2 players raise and re-raise each other. The River comes a 6. Again the maximum bet is reached through raises. Hellmuth shows down his Aces up, his opponent reveals pocket 6′s. It need not be said that this was a questionable play by Hellmuth’s opponent. Hellmuth has been busted once again. His opponents taunt him:

“Count Counter”:
Now that’s playing like the pros!”

“Hoss_TBF”:
Is that in the next book?

Hellmuth responds:
WTF!
WOW
How many f**king beats will I take?
POP!
Jeezs
F**king six!
Donkeys

It’s obvious Hellmuth is not happy, he unleashes on his opponent and the verbal jousting continues. He rebuys for another $6,000.

A few hands later Hellmuth raises pre-flop holding Q-Q again. One caller and then a re-raise, Hellmuth re-raises, the original caller raises and all 3 call to enter the pot for $1200 each. A large pot already. The flop comes 2-2-4. Hellmuth raises and gets a caller, the next player re-raises, Hellmuth re-raises, the original caller folds and the next player re-raises again and Hellmuth calls. The turn is a 9. The board looks like junk and Hellmuth must be thinking his opponent is holding a Pocket Pair also. He raises and again the betting is capped. River is a J and again they bet at each other. Hellmuths opponent opens his cards to reveal 4-2. Hellmuth must have fallen off his seat as I nearly did. 4-2! Raising and Re-raising up to $1200 to enter the pot.



Hellmuth’s anger is evident:

Hellmuth: F**k
WTF!
4-2!
Jeezs
Donkeys

”Count Counter”:
We are all not worthy of Phil’s presence!

“Hoss_TBF”:
With the money you’ve given us we can get plastic surgery and become stallions

“SploogyMcGoo”:
I went to the library and read your book
Now I know how to play

Hellmuth:
Me too, but tonight they outdrawing me

“SploogyMcGoo”:
I will try and play good and make you proud
Tough and tight just for you

Hellmuth:
I have such amazing patience
Play continues, Hellmuth is very short stacked now with only about $1.4K. He gets all his money in the pot holding 9-9, he has hit a 9 on the flop. The river comes a 9 and he has made quads and more than doubles up. After about an hour Hellmuth gets this up to $24k. He is now $2K up, having put $22,000 on the table. And his mood improves.

Hellmuth:
Yesssss!!! They held up!!!!!! (After winning with Q-Q)Hellmuth:
You think your gonna beat my A-K all night with 10-9?

Hellmuth:
NH
Hellmuth starts to catch some more bad beats and his stack slowly deteriorates again. The banter continues:

Hellmuth:
F**king genius

”Count Counter”:
Yes I was a f**king genius for knowing your turn raise was BS

Hellmuth:
Lets see what happens in the future, shall we

“Count Counter”:
I think a rebuy is in the future

Hellmuth:
I’m actually winning tonite in Limit Hold’em

“Hoss_TBF”:
Oh? Where else did you play?

“Count Counter”:
LOL

Hellmuth:
You don’t remember earlier?

“Count Counter”:
I remember a lot of talk and no action

“Hoss_TBF”:
Oh, thought only a few g then

Hellmuth:
Won twice here earlier

“Hoss_TBF”:
Took your money all night long

Hellmuth:
Yes I’m only 8 million winner at Hold’em

“SploogyMcGoo”:
Phil seriously teach me how to play NL tourneys, I’ll teach u how to play Limit HE, it’d be a mutually beneficial trade

Hellmuth:
You should see my tax records, you guys have no idea what I’ve won playing poker

Hellmuth:
Hoss you get lucky and crack 10 over pairs of mine one night and you think your a player?

Hellmuth:
I only play this small online

“Count Counter”:
Don’t hate the players, hate the game

“Hoss_TBF”:
Ok Phil if u like we can arrange to play this game higher

Hellmuth:
OK

“Hoss_TBF”:
If you’d like to arrange a HU (heads up) match, I’ll drop you my email

Hellmuth has been busted once again and an argument ensues. As soon as the hand is finished “Count Counter” starts up on Hellmuth again.

“Count Counter”:
Indeed I saw the future correctly

Hellmuth:
WOW what a bummer of a night

“Count Counter”:
Good thing you are up a million here

Hellmuth:
160K in the last week

“SploogyMcGoo”:
It must be fun living in PhilWorld

Hellmuth:
Pretty nice place 2 live

“Count Counter”:
Donk down

Hellmuth:
Donk down, that’s what you say to someone after they have lost 28K straight?

“Count Counter”:
Only to people who are up a million

Hellmuth:
I may whine too much but you have NO class and probably don’t even know it. In 23 years as a pro I never gave it to someone who lost alot

“Count Counter”:
You claim this is small limit for you

Hellmuth:
Obviously it is small limit for me

“SploogyMcGoo”:
Well Phil this is a big game for me and I am hoping that you, my poker hero, will make a rebuy so we can play some more, in this big game for me

Hellmuth sits out for a short time and “Count Counter” tells Hellmuth to hurry up and rebuy or he will get kicked off the table.

Hellmuth is not sure if he wants to rebuy.

All ask Phil that there are no hard feelings:

Hellmuth:
of course not, but behavior has been noted
I lost 32K its hard to quit
GG GL (Good game, good luck)

“Hoss_TBF”:
Noooooooooooooooo

“Count Counter”:
Game over man

“Hoss_TBF”:
He’s gone

A short time later Hellmuth returns with another $6,000. It’s apparent that Hellmuth believes he can beat this game, and from the point of view of an observer, it looks to be a beatable game. The table has continually urged Hellmuth to rebuy when he is obviously frustrated. They seem to be calling with mediocre hands in an attempt to crack his genuine hands. This is the most frustrating thing for Phil, especially when your opponents are doing it purposely and are frequently hitting. Phil knows if he continues to play his premium hands he will eventually come out on top…as “poker theory” suggests and as many Pro’s have proven. The table is quiet as Hellmuth starts to win, pot after pot. He gets his stack up to 12K. Then a bad beat and the taunts resume. By this point it is almost a joke, the amount of beats I have witness in a short period of time is hard to believe, and I find it hard to watch. Hellmuth is undeniably a poker great, but his temper is short at times. He is a huge target, in which there is no problem, but the spirit in this particular contest appears to be misplaced, mainly caused by a few player’s bad vibes. Some of the players here are simply having a bit of fun, some however, are going too far.

Hellmuth:
WTF
Jeezs
What a game
Any jack
Nooooooo!

”Count Counter”:
LOL

Hellmuth:
Nice donk

“Count Counter”:
Yes

Hellmuth:
Your soo bad!

“Count Counter”:
I learned it from watching you

Hellmuth gets back up to 16K.

Hellmuth:
I’m soo tight its scary
You wanna give it away please do
That’s why I’m the man
Donks donk and champions grind
Even when I’m weak its KJ baby!
You have K-7 again?

Then…the loses start, once again.

Hellmuth:
No f**king way
Jeezs
F**king idiot beats me with Q10 and K10

″Count Counter”:
When that queen hit I knocked your bobble head on the floor out of excitement

Hellmuth:
You suck

“Count Counter”:
Not all of us can play poker like the pros!

Hellmuth:
Your no class, no patience and no money

Hellmuth:
So sick of donkeys comparing apples and oranges, I guess that’s why I won 8 mill in Hold’em

“Count Counter”:
Yup must be why, I need to learn the million dollar system

Hellmuth:
Frustrated!

After a series of unorthodox plays and questionable calls by his opponents Hellmuth is down to $700. He moves all in with A-Q and again he is called by more than one opponent. His raises receive no respect, which is odd, as the majority of his showdowns have been of high quality. His Ace holds up and he wins with Ace high.

“Count Counter”:
The ace high master survives $700

Hellmuth:
I’m soo blessed

“Hoss_TBF”:
And you share those blessings with everyone around you

Hellmuth gets back up to 3K, then down to $1500, back up to $3300, then gets to 5K. He is hitting his high cards every few hands, in-between he is getting rivered or out flopped with rags, that most would agree, could have been in the muck pre-flop. Meanwhile:

“Count Counter”:
I used to think Christmas only came once a year til I met Phil

Hellmuth:
Game breaks when I quit

Hellmuth is down to $911.

“Count Counter”:
Call 911! Phil’s bankroll is $911!

”Hoss_TBF”:
I don’t understand does he still think we are going to pay him?

Hellmuth:
Of course, one way or another
One way or another, gonna get ya
Gonna get ya, get ya, get ya

“Count Counter”:
All in donk power, but I’m glad, the game survives

Hellmuth:
When the bad players here donk off their money it eventually finds my pockets

“Count Counter”:
And it leaves ur pockets with the rest of your money

Hellmuth:
Sometimes I spend your bankroll in one week

“Count Counter”:
You mean you lose it in one week, that I would believe

“Count Counter”:
Phil you are fun to play with

Hellmuth:
Yeah I’m fun when I miss every flop

Hellmuth:
I guess I cannot win no mater what

“Count Counter”:
Please don’t bust, I am still down 4k

Hellmuth:
Come over to the casino we play for your bankroll

“Count Counter”:
Donk down

Hellmuth:
Another classy thing to say

“Count Counter”:
Ok I will find you next major tourney

Hellmuth:
I honesty feel bad for you
Hellmuth is busted again and he leaves the table.

I feel some what angry at the game I have witnessed. I must admit the chatter was humorous at times. It was not the quality game I would have expected at the $300/$600 limit. Reflecting on this game I came to realise something; A sucker is a sucker, it doesn’t matter what stake level he or she plays at. Higher stakes do not necessarily mean higher quality of play.

I have come to believe that some of the players at the table were playing some hands that they usually would not, and the only reason I can see for such moves is that they were playing against Hellmuth. Perhaps to put him on tilt, which they obviously succeeded in doing. If I myself were to sit with any poker pro like Phil Hellmuth, I would be playing my A-Game, in an attempt to beat them with pure skill. I’d imagine the satisfaction of such a win would be immense.

Another point to be made is this; All players who believe in playing the game in the “correct” way will always catch bad beats. It matters not who you are or how many World Series of Poker bracelets you have won. This is somewhat satisfying to realise, as I myself am guilty of going “on tilt” after numerous bad beats. It happens to everyone, even Phil Hellmuth.

I will not pretend that Phil did not contribute to the behaviour of the players at this table. He fought back and dished out insults. I cannot imagine such table talk ever taking place at a brick and mortar card room. Tall Poppy syndrome is alive and well in the World of Poker. Anyway I just wanted to share these events with you, and make the point that poker shouldn’t be like this. Competitive yes, mean spirited no, while some of the players at the table were having a little bit of fun with Phil, there were remarks made by some that were inappropriate – etiquette is a key part of this game.