Most days in the life of the average degenerate are nothing to write home about. You win some, you lose some, you get trolled on the forums, and the world keeps on turnin'. Other days, you get tomatoless sandwiches and an eyefull of black cock.
The PFA bomber was on the loose. I knew it was going to be a dangerous beat, but there comes a time in every man's life when you start to get emotionally drained. The French have a phrase for it. The bastards have a phrase for everything and they are always right:
To see another engorged penis is to die a little.
Besides, the rent was due. I took the case.
Originally Posted by
tony bagadonuts
No, this bomber is a real villain. A true degenerate with deep seeded hatred for Druff. This uneducated baboon had the unmitigated gall to cock bomb both "The Seahawks Own Your Face" and the legendary "Songs You Like" thread.
Outrageous!!!!!!
This sick twisted fuck got his jollies subjecting us all to papule laden dicks. You couldn't open a thread without getting eye-raped by the disgusting images. But there was more to it than that. As Steve-O pointed out:
Originally Posted by
Steve-O
the BC bombing is a crime of opportunity, Druff's admission that he is unable to get online much in the next two weeks could be the most unintentionally stupid thing I've ever seen posted over there.
This was the true motive, though it wasn't much of one. The site's sole adminstrator left an opening and the perp took his shot. It was a spur of the moment crime, and clearly not premeditated. The case looked pretty open and shut.
But then something strange happened: a second bombing. Did we have a serial cock bomber on our hands?
No, serial criminals are meticulous planners. He couldn't have anticipated the site to suddenly become an easy target for the first volley. And this time the modus operandi was different. The first bombing had a wide blast radius, carpeting the entire front page. Even replies to cock posts were answered with more cock. The second bombing was a much lighter payload, and revealed a different motive. The cock pics included the caption "you be needin a mod muthafucka". Its as if he was begging to get caught.
We clearly had a second bomber in our midst. A man motivated by something more sinister.
But what? What drives a man to torment a community and demand that someone stop him? Why did the bomber want increased moderation so badly? Who would have something to gain from that?
It had to be somebody with the opportunity. Without an alibi...
Originally Posted by
The Culprit
There is another [cock bombing] happening now, and I think there was one last night.
Somebody in line to become a moderator, who wanted the job...
Originally Posted by
The Culprit
I agree on the need for a mod or two.
Originally Posted by
The Culprit
the consensus recommendations for mod have been Steve-O, Crowe Diddly and me
Originally Posted by
The Cluprit
Since my name has been thrown around, I will address how I stack up to ABrown's criteria.
If nothing else, Druff could use someone (or someones) who could just remove spam and cock when he's not around.
Someone that could get away with it. Someone well respected in the community that we'd least expect.
Someone that would befriend the investigator and try to mislead him...
Originally Posted by
The Culprit
Good analysis, but the problem is...
Originally Posted by
The Culprit
Solid read Serious, and in fact the subsequent bombing could very well be a copycat and not the work of the original. Perhaps yesterday's bombing could have been malicious, and today's more of a form of protest as you say. Not exactly the Montgomery Bus Boycott but I see where you're coming from.
That's right. The black cock bomber is none other than
TONY BAGADONUTS
When Tony witnessed the first black cocking, he was enraged. The bastard was ruining a forum that he loved, and nothing was being done to stop it. If only he were in charge, things would be different, he felt. And why wasn't he in a position of authority, he wondered? He was an obvious choice. It just wasn't fair, he decided. So if Druff wasn't going to make him a mod, Tony would force his hand.
The second round of bombing (at the hands of Tony) further fueled the community's demands for more moderators. Just as Tony had planned. He joined in the pleas and threw his hat in the ring.
It was the perfect crime. Nobody would ever suspect such an upstanding member of the community. And with a bombing having occurred the day prior, it would be easy to absolve himself; especially if the first bomber came forward or were identified.
When I suggested that the bomber might be someone that wants to be a mod, Tony got spooked and tried to shoot it down. I knew I had my man. But I had to be sure, so I set up a trap. I put forth the most absurd theory that would make Tony appear innocent. I suggested that the bombings were done by a vigilante for the sake of good. And you took the bait, Tony. You depraved son of a bitch.
Case closed. Now I'm gonna go home and fuck my wife.
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