Originally Posted by
HoodedN
I will start this off by admitting that I don't expect every post ITT to be a serious one, and I am totally fine with that. I realize that I am putting a target on my back. Also, I am expecting this OP to be quite lengthy so if you don't have time to read I understand. Fact of the matter is I believe a majority of posters on the site to be quite intelligent and probably more experienced than I am when it comes to relationships given my age (I am 30 later this month). Here it goes.
I have been with my girlfriend, who is the same age as me, for a little over two years now. When I met her in May 2016, I was about a year out of a 7 year relationship that ended in divorce and turmoil and left our now 8 year old son with two part time parents. I was deeply scarred from this breakup and was still living back with my parents, recovering financially and emotionally. I will say though that I felt like I was in a good enough place to begin dating again, otherwise I never would have.
Anyways, she owned her own house which her sister, infant nephew and the sister's boyfriend all lived in. It is a split level ranch basically set up like two apartments, upstairs and downstairs. It was probably about two months before I moved in. She has a great job as an accountant for an insurance company and she has her life all on track. I fell in love with her almost immediately. Everything was perfect until recently.
I need to backtrack a little here back to when we first got together. She told me that she really liked me but we could only continue to have a serious relationship if we both wanted the same things. She told me she wanted to eventually get married, have children and build her dream house on her father's land. It was really the first time I had thought about a future like that since my ex-wife and I split, and I agreed without really thinking it over. This turned out to be my big mistake.
Like I said, everything was great up until about 3 or 4 months ago. She would randomly ask me my plans to get a better job (I have a pretty good one but not enough to support her lifestyle), where I stood on kids and getting engaged. Every she would ask I would brush it off or change the subject. I don't know why, I love her to death but I couldn't picture having a family for some reason. I think my previous experience may have ruined that for me, but who knows.
Two Sunday's ago as we were driving home from dinner, she asks me if I've put any more thought into our future. I again try to brush it off like I normally do and change the subject. I ask her what her next move would be if she could have anything. She says she thinks we need to break up. We get home and not much is said, and it stays that way until that Wednesday.
I come home from work and she is doing her normal Wednesday routine, at her dad's to do the books for his business, then to her mom's for dinner. I am supposed to have my son on Wednesday's but my ex cancelled last minute. I break down, and during this I pack all of my shit into my little Honda Civic, text her that I'm leaving, and then I'm gone. She tells me she's on her way home and asks if I want to wait. I say no.
We talk on the phone on my ride back to my parents house to crash for a few weeks and I immediately realize that I have made a mistake. I think about what a future looks like and all I can see is her. And a family. I tell her I regret it and she tells me we will figure it out. We go to sleep in different states and although I am sad, I'm also hopeful.
A couple days go by and she tells me that she needs some time. She says her dilemma is that she wants all these things with me but she doesn't want to feel like I only want them because she wants them. Obviously I understand this as I have never given her a straight answer in the past and all of a sudden I know? It's hard to explain, but it was like a light went on in my head. All of a sudden it was just clear to me what I wanted. She also wants me to clear up some things. I have about 3.5k worth of debt, mostly medical bills, which most I've worked out. She doesn't want to live with anyone again unless she's engaged. I guess she had kind of this same thing happen with her last boyfriend before me. Ok, all understandable. I've been working like a madman to figure everything out and I have done more than I expected I could, but it still doesn't seem to be enough for her. She said that what she needs most is time, because she can't go through this again and it was "the hardest week" of her life and she wants to make sure that if I come back we don't run into this issues in a years' time. She has always had a plan for her life and she is running behind on that plan because she wanted to already be pregnant by now.
It's been 8 days now since I left and still nothing has changed. I am typing this in my childhood bedroom at my parent's house and she is 50 miles away. I did spend Tuesday night over there. We didn't talk much about what was going on. A little before bed, but she told me she didn't want to be sad and just wanted to hang out and enjoy each other's company. She went to counseling today, something she has been doing for a couple of months, and told me she had a complete meltdown in there. She said her counselor recommended she spend some time alone to grieve over this. She also has a couple of health issues going on that I won't get into. Nothing life threatening.
She told me today she thinks she will be better in a few weeks and willing to work on this but is still processing everything that happened. I understand that she needs time but it feels like every second without her is forever. I have been trying like hell and don't know how much longer I can do this.
I know I am probably rambling now so I'll wrap it up. Any questions for me just ask and I'll do my best to answer. If you took the time to read this, I thank you. And thank you for any advice you may have to offer.
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