What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity

[ErickAA]

I skimmed the story. In fairness to the author she never really attacked white men specifically that I noticed.

Men in general, but she made damn sure to bring up race with women. Checking off those 2018 far-left marks. She hit them all on here.

People still wonder how Trump got elected. Shit like this is why no one in the middle is voting left anymore.

Well, it is true that black women are stigmatized a certain way. Of course I would argue their own promiscuous behavior and denigration by black males through hip hop/rap is as important a factors as institutional racism.

[hongkonger]

Translation: marriage between two people expected to live about 30 years, as a feudal property arrangement, made sense. Marriage between two people expected to live about 80 years, where both are equals with full civil rights, makes little sense.

Let’s cut through any PC bullshit and state the well known issue with longer-married/older women: Their hormones and/or emotions can dramatically change to the point where sex seems like a huge chore, while guys developing low-T and not caring about having sex is very low prob event. And then there’s the “fear of mortality” thing.

You're not wrong, but there's a lot more to it than that.

On the bright side, older happily married couples report they are still sexually active, just less frequently.

[MumblesBadly]

Let’s cut through any PC bullshit and state the well known issue with longer-married/older women: Their hormones and/or emotions can dramatically change to the point where sex seems like a huge chore, while guys developing low-T and not caring about having sex is very low prob event. And then there’s the “fear of mortality” thing.

You're not wrong, but there's a lot more to it than that.

On the bright side, older happily married couples report they are still sexually active, just less frequently.

Once a month perhaps (assuming there are no clouds)?

[Dan Druff]

"I also think the men are at fault for not speaking up about this and making it clear to their wives that they can't tolerate the situation -- with the threat of leaving, if necessary. Instead, they take the "easier" way out and just cheat, wrongly believing that it can solve the issue (it can't, in most cases).

So the author suggests men simply expressing the seriousness of the matter their wives, if they are finding their sex life so dreadful that they're considering cheating as a way to solve it. I have to agree."

Demanding sex from a woman that you expected to share an active sex life with for a lifetime would inflict a lot of pain on the man, not to mention loss of self esteem, and would not likely lead to either enjoyable sex or a workable long term relationship. Leaving would not be easy, if as is likely, the two of you have built up lots of valuable assets over the years. Be careful, she may accept your threat of leaving as a good thing and an opportunity to create a more exciting new life for herself.

No question that a wife-stops-having-sex-with-you situation sucks, and there's no easy solution.

But talking to her about it frankly, and laying down the law that you'll leave if it doesn't change, is more likely to result in a happier ending than either quietly resenting her or secretly cheating on her.

There have actually been studies which show that women's sex drive actually lessens in an kind of committed relationship (not just marriage), and it's thought to be some kind of biological mechanism where the woman's sex drive ramps up in order to make it easier to find a partner, and ramps down when she appears to have one. With men (perhaps because of being biologically built to spread their seed everywhere) no such thing happens, and they remain very horny whether in or out of a relationship.

I think some of these women just get comfortable, and if they're not in the mood for sex, figure that they shouldn't be expected to have it at that time. I think many don't realize how infrequent the sex really is, and I think they also can't understand why infrequent sex is so bothersome to their husband, because the women do not feel those same urges anymore.

At the same time, I think it's quite selfish to marry someone and expect that your declined sex drive (especially in the younger/middle-aged years) means that your partner just has to go without. If that's what you think is fair, you either shouldn't get married, or your partner should be very aware prior to marrying you that you might do this.

I've actually known a few women in my life who have complained that their MAN had a low sex drive, and that they were super frustrated by it. Oddly, all of these women had high sex drives themselves, which made me wonder how it always seemed to happen that the few men with low sex drives ended up with the few women with continuous high ones. Maybe the women wanted it more because their husbands weren't wanting it themselves. But they told me about how frustrating and self-esteem crushing it was for their husband/boyfriend to totally not be interested in fucking them, and in fact it messed with some of their heads to where they legit believed they were no longer attractive (which wasn't true in any of these cases). I guess in some of these cases, it was also possible that the boyfriend/husband was gay but in the closet.

Bottom line is that both sides in a marriage come into it with certain reasonable major expectations, and sex is one of them. If either side doesn't live up to these major expectations, then it needs to either be fixed, or things need to end. I'm not talking about minor or moderate problems, as those plague all relationships. I'm talking about huge problems which destroy the functionality of the marriage, and sex would fall under that category. Other examples would include infidelity, super-irresponsible management of money, excessive drug/alcohol abuse, physical abuse, neglect, horrible parenting, or repeated emotional abuse (beyond just occasional fighting/arguing).

[Dan Druff]

I also don't believe that most women would be okay with their husbands cheating on them as long as it's kept on the DL.

Even ignoring the disease possibility, most women are too possessive to feel comfortable with their husband fucking another woman. (To be fair, so are most men.)

In the few cases where the women don't care, it's probably where the woman never cared much about the husband in the first place -- such as a marriage for money or power/influence.

For example, while I believe the Clintons married initially for love, I think that died a long time before Bill was President, and by the time he was fucking everything that moved, they were pretty much just in a marriage for political expediency (on both ends), so neither gave a shit about it as long as it didn't cause embarrassment (which it eventually did).

But in most cases, it's rare that a wife is going to be cool with her husband getting sex from outside the marriage, even if the wife acknowledges that she rarely has sex herself anymore.

[michael]

Signs it's time to bounce

"I just need space."

"Sorry, I've just been so busy."

"I have a long day tomorrow, so we can't"

[ErickAA]

Or if you are married with kids and shit

Signs it's time to fire up pornhub

"I just need space."

"Sorry, I've just been so busy."

"I have a long day tomorrow, so we can't"

[Sidewinder]

"I also think the men are at fault for not speaking up about this and making it clear to their wives that they can't tolerate the situation -- with the threat of leaving, if necessary. Instead, they take the "easier" way out and just cheat, wrongly believing that it can solve the issue (it can't, in most cases).

So the author suggests men simply expressing the seriousness of the matter their wives, if they are finding their sex life so dreadful that they're considering cheating as a way to solve it. I have to agree."

Demanding sex from a woman that you expected to share an active sex life with for a lifetime would inflict a lot of pain on the man, not to mention loss of self esteem, and would not likely lead to either enjoyable sex or a workable long term relationship. Leaving would not be easy, if as is likely, the two of you have built up lots of valuable assets over the years. Be careful, she may accept your threat of leaving as a good thing and an opportunity to create a more exciting new life for herself.

Throw in kids w/ draconian child-support laws and the married man in this pot has exactly ZERO outs unless they have institutional/FU money