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Thread: GF still in contact with ex

  1. #1

    GF still in contact with ex

    Looking for some genuine responses, even tho this is PFA still value the opinion of several posters on here.

    So I've been with a girl for a few months now, according to her we've been 'officially' going out for one month since I've been staying at hers.

    Last night she mentioned how her ex, who she split with 2 years ago, called her out of the blue - but she told him to call back later, emphasising to me that it was because she has no feelings for him and loves me etc.

    A couple weeks ago lay on bed, when she was in the toilet, her phone lit up with a WhatsApp text from some guy; it said "aww that's so cute", I thought nothing of it and that it may have been a family member or just some guy she knew.

    So I asked her last night what her ex' name was, and it turns out it was the same guy. So I asked her are you still messaging him - she said no. I asked her why did I see his name on your phone a couple weeks back, she then back tracked and said she forgot that he had messaged her asking for a favour. At this point I obv became suspicious and pressed her on it. She showed me her messages from him, and funnily enough the text I had previously seen wasn't there, just a few texts asking her to sort out his car insurance along with a love heart kiss emoji from him.

    English isn't his native language, and this is the reason she cited for helping him out with the insurance forms.

    She kept saying that there's nothing there and that she would stop talking to him entirely if that's what I wanted.

    Needless to say we had a big argument about it, because at that point I felt like she was twisting things and hiding something.

    Am I overreacting here, or is this something that would be a dealbreaker for any of you guys who are in relationships?

  2. #2
    Plutonium Brittney Griner's Clit's Avatar
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    Before I answer I need to know if her ex's native language was something like Swahili or Zulu or something like French or German?

     
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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post
    Looking for some genuine responses, even tho this is PFA still value the opinion of several posters on here.

    So I've been with a girl for a few months now, according to her we've been 'officially' going out for one month since I've been staying at hers.

    Last night she mentioned how her ex, who she split with 2 years ago, called her out of the blue - but she told him to call back later, emphasising to me that it was because she has no feelings for him and loves me etc.

    A couple weeks ago lay on bed, when she was in the toilet, her phone lit up with a WhatsApp text from some guy; it said "aww that's so cute", I thought nothing of it and that it may have been a family member or just some guy she knew.

    So I asked her last night what her ex' name was, and it turns out it was the same guy. So I asked her are you still messaging him - she said no. I asked her why did I see his name on your phone a couple weeks back, she then back tracked and said she forgot that he had messaged her asking for a favour. At this point I obv became suspicious and pressed her on it. She showed me her messages from him, and funnily enough the text I had previously seen wasn't there, just a few texts asking her to sort out his car insurance along with a love heart kiss emoji from him.

    English isn't his native language, and this is the reason she cited for helping him out with the insurance forms.

    She kept saying that there's nothing there and that she would stop talking to him entirely if that's what I wanted.

    Needless to say we had a big argument about it, because at that point I felt like she was twisting things and hiding something.

    Am I overreacting here, or is this something that would be a dealbreaker for any of you guys who are in relationships?
    Yes, you are overreacting and yes it could very well be a deal breaker. Sucks right?

    The story shows you probably are a bit insecure, and if you can't trust you significant other than there really is no relationship to begin with.

    Now that doesn't mean your insecurity is unfounded though.

    Girls who talk about their exs constantly, secretly message their exs or guys, that behavior to me is a reason to totally be willing to drop a girl.

    I wouldn't say she is banging the other guy, but I would say she is keeping her options open.

  4. #4
    Quote Originally Posted by abrown83 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post
    Looking for some genuine responses, even tho this is PFA still value the opinion of several posters on here.

    So I've been with a girl for a few months now, according to her we've been 'officially' going out for one month since I've been staying at hers.

    Last night she mentioned how her ex, who she split with 2 years ago, called her out of the blue - but she told him to call back later, emphasising to me that it was because she has no feelings for him and loves me etc.

    A couple weeks ago lay on bed, when she was in the toilet, her phone lit up with a WhatsApp text from some guy; it said "aww that's so cute", I thought nothing of it and that it may have been a family member or just some guy she knew.

    So I asked her last night what her ex' name was, and it turns out it was the same guy. So I asked her are you still messaging him - she said no. I asked her why did I see his name on your phone a couple weeks back, she then back tracked and said she forgot that he had messaged her asking for a favour. At this point I obv became suspicious and pressed her on it. She showed me her messages from him, and funnily enough the text I had previously seen wasn't there, just a few texts asking her to sort out his car insurance along with a love heart kiss emoji from him.

    English isn't his native language, and this is the reason she cited for helping him out with the insurance forms.

    She kept saying that there's nothing there and that she would stop talking to him entirely if that's what I wanted.

    Needless to say we had a big argument about it, because at that point I felt like she was twisting things and hiding something.

    Am I overreacting here, or is this something that would be a dealbreaker for any of you guys who are in relationships?
    Yes, you are overreacting and yes it could very well be a deal breaker. Sucks right?

    The story shows you probably are a bit insecure, and if you can't trust you significant other than there really is no relationship to begin with.

    Now that doesn't mean your insecurity is unfounded though.

    Girls who talk about their exs constantly, secretly message their exs or guys, that behavior to me is a reason to totally be willing to drop a girl.

    I wouldn't say she is banging the other guy, but I would say she is keeping her options open.
    She has previously said that if I don't give her constant attention then she will get it elsewhere, and I know she has plenty of admirers who want to get with her - so I can't lie in saying that there may be some insecurities there when these things happen.

    At the end of the day tho I'm the one sleeping with her and she treats me well, so not gonna just drop it over some bs. Just curious if other guys would feel 100% trusting and cool with their woman doing favours for their ex - because if it was one of my exes asking me to spend hours sorting out their car insurance I would tell them where to go.

    IMO ex partners should be left in the past and the door firmly shut!

  5. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post

    IMO ex partners should be left in the past and the door firmly shut!


    When you no longer feel this way would be a good time to start a relationship.

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by The_Lurker View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post

    IMO ex partners should be left in the past and the door firmly shut!


    When you no longer feel this way would be a good time to start a relationship.
    Interesting view

    I do vagualy remember you stating that you were still in love with an ex from long ago, so will have to presume there is some bias in your post.

     
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      Tellafriend: he's reached the point of being pathetic

  7. #7
    Platinum mulva's Avatar
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    i think you're you're pretty much fucked. you know it but you don't want to believe it. that doesn't mean things can't change and things work out, but it's not a good sign. it all depends on what u want from her.

    much like brown says, she's keeping her options open. keep your guard up so you don't get blindsided.

    as for her dictating to you that she need constant attention, if not from you others....well,..that's lol. ..i would keep this bitch at arms length until you have more hand.

     
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      Tyde: a popeil post
      
      Muck Ficon: Marty showing up in a thread about relationships lol
    Quote Originally Posted by bottomset_69 View Post
    Johnny Manziel will be the 1st pick in the draft. I truly believe not only will Johnny Manziel be rookie of the year, quite possibly he will be MVP as his style will shock defensive coordinators. Manziel may only be 6 feet tall, but he has size 15 feet. And he has HUGE hands. I know some NFL scouts so I know what I am talking about.



  8. #8
    NoFraud Poker Room Manager Belly Buster's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by mulva View Post
    i think you're you're pretty much fucked. you know it but you don't want to believe it. that doesn't mean things can't change and things work out, but it's not a good sign. it all depends on what u want from her.

    much like brown says, she's keeping her options open. keep your guard up so you don't get blindsided.

    as for her dictating to you that she need constant attention, if not from you others....well,..that's lol. ..i would keep this bitch at arms length until you have more hand.
    Sound like the reason for keeping her is to prevent needing more hand.
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  9. #9
    if only 1 month you've been dating her (and note, she is keeping track--not you) she is just beginning to think she's has something meaningful; and between 1 month and 3 months the problems will start up, problems that are nobodies fault other than either party not willing to be committed to the other...so take the staying in touch with the ex as a sign

    what to do?...just RIDE out the next two months, being prepared for a breakup, avoid spending much money on her for now...and you can talk to others meanwhile so you can move on easier...after 3 months then re-evaluate; if things going well, then you can move forward such that by month 6 you meet each other's family...then you are on the way to something permanent

    mating is a cruel thing at times
    (long before there was a PFA i had my Grenade & Crossbones avatar at DD)

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by mulva View Post
    i think you're you're pretty much fucked. you know it but you don't want to believe it. that doesn't mean things can't change and things work out, but it's not a good sign. it all depends on what u want from her.

    much like brown says, she's keeping her options open. keep your guard up so you don't get blindsided.

    as for her dictating to you that she need constant attention, if not from you others....well,..that's lol. ..i would keep this bitch at arms length until you have more hand.
    During the argument I did say exactly that, It seemed as though she was keeping options open.

    She denied this, and said if she wanted to get back with him she could have done at any point as she was the one who ended it and he's been chasing her ever since.

    Fwiw she was with him for 5 years, was married to a diff guy for 3 years before that, and has had another bf for a year and a half since the guy in question.

    Admittedly I'm not as experienced in this respect, don't have any baggage whatsoever, that's why I posted here as I know most on here are olders.

  11. #11
    Platinum mulva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Belly Buster View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by mulva View Post
    i think you're you're pretty much fucked. you know it but you don't want to believe it. that doesn't mean things can't change and things work out, but it's not a good sign. it all depends on what u want from her.

    much like brown says, she's keeping her options open. keep your guard up so you don't get blindsided.

    as for her dictating to you that she need constant attention, if not from you others....well,..that's lol. ..i would keep this bitch at arms length until you have more hand.
    Sound like the reason for keeping her is to prevent needing more hand.
    hand is always needed.

    it boils down to what he wants and expects from her. reading between the lines suggests to me that he's already in too deep. i wouldn't put up with any of this bs this chick is dishing out unless she was nothing more than a fuck buddy.

    you can't make her the focal point in your life if shes not willing to meet you halfway.
    Quote Originally Posted by bottomset_69 View Post
    Johnny Manziel will be the 1st pick in the draft. I truly believe not only will Johnny Manziel be rookie of the year, quite possibly he will be MVP as his style will shock defensive coordinators. Manziel may only be 6 feet tall, but he has size 15 feet. And he has HUGE hands. I know some NFL scouts so I know what I am talking about.



  12. #12
    On the bright side I have a gram of MDMA which I've been saving for a rainy day, although it's surprisingly sunny outside for England, might get on it and hit the pub as it's my day off.

     
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      Belly Buster: This is the correct answer

  13. #13
    Platinum mulva's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by mulva View Post
    i think you're you're pretty much fucked. you know it but you don't want to believe it. that doesn't mean things can't change and things work out, but it's not a good sign. it all depends on what u want from her.

    much like brown says, she's keeping her options open. keep your guard up so you don't get blindsided.

    as for her dictating to you that she need constant attention, if not from you others....well,..that's lol. ..i would keep this bitch at arms length until you have more hand.
    During the argument I did say exactly that, It seemed as though she was keeping options open.

    She denied this, and said if she wanted to get back with him she could have done at any point as she was the one who ended it and he's been chasing her ever since.

    Fwiw she was with him for 5 years, was married to a diff guy for 3 years before that, and has had another bf for a year and a half since the guy in question.

    Admittedly I'm not as experienced in this respect, don't have any baggage whatsoever, that's why I posted here as I know most on here are olders.
    you're caring for her too much to soon. you're not married to her, you're dating her. you have to be able to walk away from this shit and not let it effect you emotionally. chicks will fuck with your mind and drop you like a sack of potatoes.
    Quote Originally Posted by bottomset_69 View Post
    Johnny Manziel will be the 1st pick in the draft. I truly believe not only will Johnny Manziel be rookie of the year, quite possibly he will be MVP as his style will shock defensive coordinators. Manziel may only be 6 feet tall, but he has size 15 feet. And he has HUGE hands. I know some NFL scouts so I know what I am talking about.



  14. #14
    Inaugural Spring Classic Champion HoodedN's Avatar
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    Fuck that, id go full OJ

     
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      herbertstemple: Does full OJ include getting away with it?

  15. #15
    Is his "native" language Swooghili?

  16. #16
    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post
    During the argument I did say exactly that, It seemed as though she was keeping options open.
    People do this. It's not right, nor a good idea, but they do. The bigger problem is that she is lying about it. So, having been down this road many times unfortunately I can tell you that you are fucked. Why would she think lying is better than being honest unless she has something to hide? GL trying to get this out of your mind going forward.

  17. #17
    Quote Originally Posted by mulva View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by RegGaymer View Post
    During the argument I did say exactly that, It seemed as though she was keeping options open.

    She denied this, and said if she wanted to get back with him she could have done at any point as she was the one who ended it and he's been chasing her ever since.

    Fwiw she was with him for 5 years, was married to a diff guy for 3 years before that, and has had another bf for a year and a half since the guy in question.

    Admittedly I'm not as experienced in this respect, don't have any baggage whatsoever, that's why I posted here as I know most on here are olders.
    you're caring for her too much to soon. you're not married to her, you're dating her. you have to be able to walk away from this shit and not let it effect you emotionally. chicks will fuck with your mind and drop you like a sack of potatoes.
    I've known her for 6 months, been dating for 3 months, and been offish for 1 month spending every day together. Maybe that's too soon to be catching feelings, I dunno.

    Like Belly says, I'd rather be dating her than Pam.

    It's a tricky 1.

  18. #18
    Been on both sides of this. My last ex isn't "allowed" to talk to me. At first I was pissed because we were friends before we dated, but in time I came to see her fiance's point. It's sexist to say but I don't believe that, short of extenuating circumstances, that women can turn off their emotions completely if they ever believe that they were in love with a person.

  19. #19
    Plutonium Brittney Griner's Clit's Avatar
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    Lol you are supposedly from England now???? So he must speak Arabic than. OMFG dude no wonder why you didn't say. No one wants to lose their girl to some refugee all star not named Pras.
    Take me down to the Parvati City where the reps are green and the girls are pretty. Take me home.

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  20. #20
    Gold splitthis's Avatar
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    Her telling you if you dont give her constant attention, she will find elsewhere proves she is a low quality cunt. You will never be able to satisfy that insecurity. Kick her to the curb and find a better quality person, if you stay then you will get what you deserve.

     
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      The_Lurker: this
      
      JimmyG_415: This, only I'd give her one last out. (if you like her.) He might be the one that needs the attention........but IT CAN NOT go on.
      
      Starbucks Spunk Bucket: 100% correcto

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