....and so it goes.....A CONFESSION

[Kilgore Trout]

ScottyNo's.

that hurts...

I am trying to get honest. I can't help your feelings of inadequacy. I’m sorry.

[Deal]

You must know that time spent engaging in online social activities with strangers will offer very little in the way of positive long lasting satisfaction with life. The best thing you could do is delete your accounts, kick the pills, and travel for 6 months with a goal to reevaluate upon return. Keep a personal diary, share with nobody.

[Avon Barksdale]

You must know that time spent engaging in online social activities with strangers will offer very little in the way of positive long lasting satisfaction with life. The best thing you could do is delete your accounts, kick the pills, and travel for 6 months with a goal to reevaluate upon return. Keep a personal diary, share with nobody.

Yeah, pretty bold to start revealing yourself on this site of psychos.

Listen to this guy.

[Sanlmar]

You have the best words. Your post was so well written. The thing I enjoy most consistently here is the clever way some of the guys write. It could be just a single word.

Compulsive, educated, possessed opportunity but was unfulfilled, bored or unhappy. Sought out poker/gambling as an escape and did that compulsively and exclusively too.

Prefers speed to depressants (alcohol).

Would you describe yourself as an introvert or extrovert. Are people necessarily in your recipe for happiness?

Rings familiar. I quit my gig and lived at Foxwoods for 8 mo.s in 2007. There was a day when I just had enough of that too. It takes a while for the desire for that kind of rush to pass. It creeps up from time to time.

I have been back to Foxwoods maybe 5 times in 10 years. I feel so detached from whatever the attraction once was. It just looks stupid to me now.

I lived 8 mo.s at a poker table yet I just returned from Vegas. I played some 4/8 limit for 4 hours and that was it. Just something to do. There was no missing romance.

Aside from the Adderral, the biggest challenge is finding the next big thing to get compulsive about. That's where the people thing comes. The good stuff comes from networking and random acquaintances - a frigging miracle this ever happened in my case.

Not contributing much but your post is irresistible.

[sonatine]

I was going to rep this but your take on Bannon is sophomoric and frankly delusional.

[Kilgore Trout]

You must know that time spent engaging in online social activities with strangers will offer very little in the way of positive long lasting satisfaction with life. The best thing you could do is delete your accounts, kick the pills, and travel for 6 months with a goal to reevaluate upon return. Keep a personal diary, share with nobody.

Cannot disagree. Deleted Facebook and Instagram. Months ago, actually. I prefer to live in the real world and actually experience things, in front of my eyes. My “virtual” life and real life are not too different - and if I live in one -I live in the other. I have (at least here) portrayed myself to be exactly who I am.

I write, regularly, although I often only journal the things I think would interest someone reading my writing. That changes today. Otherwise, what is the point? Considering how closed off I have allowed myself to become - forcing myself to go running/attend AA and then go to dinner each night afterwards, has really helped me tremendously.

Travel is happening, but have to get my shit together and heal a bit before I run away. No doubt - re-learning the value of $1 is the priority.

[Kilgore Trout]

You must know that time spent engaging in online social activities with strangers will offer very little in the way of positive long lasting satisfaction with life. The best thing you could do is delete your accounts, kick the pills, and travel for 6 months with a goal to reevaluate upon return. Keep a personal diary, share with nobody.

Yeah, pretty bold to start revealing yourself on this site of psychos.

Listen to this guy.

If you read the first paragraph I wrote, I know my audience. I take a certain bit of comfort in the fact that I am, not a stranger in a strange land with any of my vices - while in these parts,.

Psychos and Sociopaths exist everywhere. I am neither naive nor so low on self worth that I rely on the validation of 25 math nerds to raise me up. I am under no illusion - being female and exposing myself to a bunch of guys. That said, give yourselves more credit than that. I mean this, in every positive way: for the most part, I find this group to be harmless, full of knowledge, firm and fair. I can more than handle what I have put out there. I expect/want nothing from this group (other than the dick pics, I am going to need those to continue) and I am not interested in finding my next wealthy Jew in these parts (Druff, if your myopia clears up, call me.)

It is what it is. I appreciate you (both) looking after my best interests. Truly. Even if I sound argumentative and cunty.

[BCR]

I guess I didn't meet you. I tried to return your pm when I saw it a few months late, but you had already given up posting and it wouldn't deliver. Apparently there's another attractive 100lb 40 year old reg at the Jack it appears from your photo. You're cheekier than the woman I met, unless the addies had you at 90lbs back in May. I encountered a pretty, but frailer lady than you appear in that photo.

Good luck to you. That dosage seems extreme from my limited adderall experience.

I've been largely absent during your most prolific posting, but I guess I'm curious exactly what was rock bottom? How many attempts to stop yourself did you fail at before attending AA? My impression of your posting was that of a woman with a strong personality. In my experience, that sort of personality type tries a do-it-yourself approach quite a few times before attending a 12 step. Did you simply know you were toast given the duration of your usage and go straight in? Do you feel like sleeping 12 hours a day after such long stim usage?

[Kilgore Trout]

Yeah, pretty bold to start revealing yourself on this site of psychos.

Listen to this guy.

If you read the first paragraph I wrote, I know my audience. I take a certain bit of comfort in the fact that I am, not a stranger in a strange land with any of my vices - while in these parts,.

Psychos and Sociopaths exist everywhere. I am neither naive nor so low on self worth that I rely on the validation of 25 math nerds to raise me up. I am under no illusion - being female and exposing myself to a bunch of guys. That said, give yourselves more credit than that. I mean this, in every positive way: for the most part, I find this group to be harmless, full of knowledge, firm and fair. I can more than handle what I have put out there. I expect/want nothing from this group (other than the dick pics, I am going to need those to continue) and I am not interested in finding my next wealthy Jew in these parts (Druff, if your myopia clears up, call me.)

It is what it is. I appreciate you (both) looking after my best interests. Truly. Even if I sound argumentative and cunty.

Even you, Blake. Regardless of the fact that Nita won’t let you sleep upstairs and feeds you sloppy, tasteless grits while the revolving door of Curtis Jackson lookalikes swing through at all hours and it has driven you to study the Quran 22 hours of the day - and your secretary wont even buy you the right flavor of Ciobani...you are included here.

[Kilgore Trout]

I guess I didn't meet you. I tried to return your pm when I saw it a few months late, but you had already given up posting and it wouldn't deliver. Apparently there's another attractive 100lb 40 year old reg at the Jack it appears from your photo. You're cheekier than the woman I met, unless the addies had you at 90lbs back in May. I encountered a pretty, but frailer lady than you appear in that photo.

Good luck to you. That dosage seems extreme from my limited adderall experience.

I've been largely absent during your most prolific posting, but I guess I'm curious exactly what was rock bottom? How many attempts to stop yourself did you fail at before attending AA? My impression of your posting was that of a woman with a strong personality. In my experience, that sort of personality type tries a do-it-yourself approach quite a few times before attending a 12 step. Did you simply know you were toast given the duration of your usage and go straight in? Do you feel like sleeping 12 hours a day after such long storm usage?

I have a feeling it was me, not too many regs or semi-lookalikes hang out there...

Rock bottom, is more or less, now. In real time. It was the admission that my compulsions have gotten to the point that they overrides my desires, my thoughts and my emotions.

I am largely of the mindset that 12 step programs are cultish and appeal to those who cannot find the truth inside of themselves. I am also righteously aware that I need something else, besides my ego and lack of faith to bridge the gap between here and healthy thinking/living. I cant find fault in the rigidity and structure of a 12 step program. Other than stimulants and gambling - it is the only other thing I know of that is available for consumption 24/7.

I am a complete basketcase as far as sleep/energy. Typically I am good with 5 hours of sleep. Since kicking the Adderall - I wake up after 8 hours, am up 2, sleep another 4 and need a nap by 4 PM. If I make it to 10 PM - its a miracle. This is temporary and will improve. It’s the product of years of overstimulation and some depression.

[Dan Druff]

Druff, if your myopia clears up, call me.

Okay, I'll bite.

Go ahead and explain this one.

[Kilgore Trout]

Druff, if your myopia clears up, call me.

Okay, I'll bite.

Go ahead and explain this one.

Harmless dig at your impaired vision [when it comes to women.]

Benjamin’s mom, excluded.

[gut]

The lack of a "tits or GTFO" post yet is shocking.

[Sloppy Joe]

Adderall was the only thing that I ever became dependent on. Dextroamphetamine was my jam.

Quit cold, mainly because I didn't have a line on any. Still grateful that I was never involved with people into the harder uppers.

Really sucked for awhile, never had physical withdrawals but was mentally shot. Gets better with time.

[Brittney Griner's Clit]

I'm the only blind one here. I call BS about there being anything big that Druff doesnt see when it comes to women... including the picture.

[Kilgore Trout]

The lack of a "tits or GTFO" post yet is shocking.

If I posted my tits, there’d be nothing to discuss.
Don’t be that guy.


Also: Cathy just one upped all of you nerds.
Let’s just say that the curtains (post chemo) match the drapes. Her tits make mine look like Benjamin’s.
Lurker is God.

[Belly Buster]

A girl turns up and now everyone's going touchy-feely, and started using long words and structured sentences.

The actual fuck?

[Brittney Griner's Clit]

A girl turns up and now everyone's going touchy-feely, and started using long words and structured sentences.

The actual fuck?

That's just how deeply into the closet these child molesters are. Very convincing aren't they?

[Suicide King]

Good luck healing yourself. I hope you find the peace you’re looking for.

[The_Lurker]

The lack of a "tits or GTFO" post yet is shocking.

If I posted my tits, there’d be nothing to discuss.
Don’t be that guy.


Also: Cathy just one upped all of you nerds.
Let’s just say that the curtains (post chemo) match the drapes. Her tits make mine look like Benjamin’s.
Lurker is God.

Just to clarify I did not send any pics