I'm posting anonymously because I don't really want anybody to wonder or give two shits about what I'm about to say.. Hell I even expect the typical nasty laterfag comments fuck it who cares I'm to the point I don't care anymore either..

Someday soon if things don't change you may miss me posting on here.. Maybe itll be because I'm too busy to get online you'll think.. Eventually itll be maybe he got tired of the forum..... Hell maybe somebody might actually give a shit I haven't been online and inquire.... I'm guessing by the time it gets to that point itll probably be too late.. Sure Druff might find out he has his ways.. but the truth is... I'm so fucking depressed anymore and beginning to feel like a fucking burden to everybody who I care about.. Either I cant sleep and awake for inordinate amount of time or I sleep well later then I should.. I try to find things to occupy myself with but the fact is I feel fucking useless.. I'm beginning to feel like a failure honestly despite reasonable success earlier in life.. Sure do I have things I could be proud of.. Yeah but that's all in the distant pass now it seems..

I used to consider suicide a ridiculous option that would have consequences for my family and potential damnation for myself should I succeed.. Some say suicide is selfish.. When you feel like a burden to others how is ending that burden selfish I say... When you feel like you have little hope of things changing because your luck has turned to shit it seems and thanks to the shitty healthcare system you have to deal with because you lack the ability to borrow money because your credit is so fucked up and your such a sad sack of shit even your GoFundme ends up being a GoFuckYourself basically.. You truly do find out who your friends are when the SHTF and truth is people I thought were friends and even considered family are nowhere when things go south... Maybe I was naïve and stupid.. Call it what you will.. I lived by the golden rule and still believe in it because I refuse to change and become an asshole because of it but the sad truth is when it comes to doing good.. What goes around doesn't always come around and Do unto others seems to be a sad joke because Ive always tried to do so even to my own detriment in the past and in return I get a big dog shit sandwich..

For now I'm still here on this Earthly plane of existence but should I just quietly disappear don't worry about me.. Maybe I finally found the peace that's had been so elusive when I was here..