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Thread: Just about at the end of my rope

  1. #1

    Just about at the end of my rope

    I'm posting anonymously because I don't really want anybody to wonder or give two shits about what I'm about to say.. Hell I even expect the typical nasty laterfag comments fuck it who cares I'm to the point I don't care anymore either..

    Someday soon if things don't change you may miss me posting on here.. Maybe itll be because I'm too busy to get online you'll think.. Eventually itll be maybe he got tired of the forum..... Hell maybe somebody might actually give a shit I haven't been online and inquire.... I'm guessing by the time it gets to that point itll probably be too late.. Sure Druff might find out he has his ways.. but the truth is... I'm so fucking depressed anymore and beginning to feel like a fucking burden to everybody who I care about.. Either I cant sleep and awake for inordinate amount of time or I sleep well later then I should.. I try to find things to occupy myself with but the fact is I feel fucking useless.. I'm beginning to feel like a failure honestly despite reasonable success earlier in life.. Sure do I have things I could be proud of.. Yeah but that's all in the distant pass now it seems..

    I used to consider suicide a ridiculous option that would have consequences for my family and potential damnation for myself should I succeed.. Some say suicide is selfish.. When you feel like a burden to others how is ending that burden selfish I say... When you feel like you have little hope of things changing because your luck has turned to shit it seems and thanks to the shitty healthcare system you have to deal with because you lack the ability to borrow money because your credit is so fucked up and your such a sad sack of shit even your GoFundme ends up being a GoFuckYourself basically.. You truly do find out who your friends are when the SHTF and truth is people I thought were friends and even considered family are nowhere when things go south... Maybe I was nave and stupid.. Call it what you will.. I lived by the golden rule and still believe in it because I refuse to change and become an asshole because of it but the sad truth is when it comes to doing good.. What goes around doesn't always come around and Do unto others seems to be a sad joke because Ive always tried to do so even to my own detriment in the past and in return I get a big dog shit sandwich..

    For now I'm still here on this Earthly plane of existence but should I just quietly disappear don't worry about me.. Maybe I finally found the peace that's had been so elusive when I was here..

     
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      sah_24: what a coward ...

  2. #2
    I stopped posting recently but saw this and decided to log in.

    Let me start by saying there are people here who do care.

    Nothing is new under the sun, meaning what ever it is you are going through it has been gone through before and conquered.

    Do not make a permanent decision (suicide) for what will be a temporary problem. Now in saying that the temporary part may be days, weeks months or years but it will pass.

    Our loved one's much rather have our miserable, low life selves around much more than they would have us dead. Talk to someone, get some help and have no shame, everyone has something to deal with in life. Be it finances, addiction, body image issues, family stuff the list is long. It can all be worked on.

    Things will turn around my man, make some life changes and hang in there, you'll see. They don't write songs about the up's and down's of life for no reason.
    Last edited by DonaldTrumpsHairPiece; 07-22-2017 at 04:09 AM.

  3. #3
    Man sorry you are feelin this way. Been there done that. Get professional help if you can or talk to your priest, rabbi etc. Call a suicide line in your area if you get desperate before doing some thing that can't be undone. The hairpiece is right on. Remember things are never as good as they seem in the moment and conversley never as bad as they seem to be. The old adage of time heals all wounds is really true. Hang in there Bud. The peeps in this community really care when push comes to shove. Don't give up on us or yourself. God Bless.

  4. #4
    Silver sah_24's Avatar
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    Later fag, one less weak minded selfish coward round here . . .

     
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      Hockey Guy: Just terrible.
      
      IamGreek: sad human being

  5. #5
    Diamond Hockey Guy's Avatar
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    Please get some help. What you're considering is not the answer.
    (_) ..
    ∫\ \___( _)
    _∫∫ _∫∫ɯ \ \

    Quote Originally Posted by Hockey Guy
    I'd say good luck in the freeroll but I'm pretty sure you'll go on a bender to self-sabotage yourself & miss it completely or use it as the excuse of why you didn't cash.

  6. #6
    Just an update.. I haven't gotten that desperate yet.. Ive dealt with depression issues a large chunk of my life was even on meds at one point (quit cold turkey and had a horrible 2 days its amazing I didn't off myself). I'm just soo fucking frustrated is all seems like no matter what the fuck I do to try and resolve the issues which are out of my control I spin my wheels.. I'm reticent to expound due to the fact it would out who this is posting on the anonymous section of the forum.. Probably wouldn't surprise some folks if it did come out though as to my identity on the forum.

    Even trying to get in to see a pysch is a clusterfuck thanks to ACA.. I Have Mental Health coverage however finding somebody in network who isn't so far away aint easy. Driving across town might be a little risky (plates are expired like 6 months on my vehicle which also has no A/C and a busted tail light) Driving too far would be like waving a red flag to a bull and asking to get pulled over by the fuzz and have more debt shoved at me I cant afford for traffic fines and crap..

    Ironic my other half even admitted a month ago they were worried they might come home and find me dead either through accident or some medical crisis (had a few of those almost ended up in the ER due to apparently being altered mentally from low blood sugar maybe a week ago not sure kinda don't remember the whole incident that well)..

    I admittedly was a bit inebriated the other night in my first posting.. Problem is alcohol tends to magnify my moods so being depressed was made 10x worse.. Not ideal but couldn't sleep figured maybe some alcohol would shut up the demons in my head that keep me awake some nights.. Apparently once again I failed.... Pattern of my life I guess...

    The irony of it all is I could probably be a low life scammer and get what I need but sadly my moral compass wont allow it even to angle shoot at a poker table (haven't even played live in months for a cheap buy in tournament because I don't have the cash.. Pulled all my money off ACR, BOL and Ignition simply to try and pay for stuff.. Lifes roll is just gone and not even from being a Degen. If anything trying to figure out a way to generate some cash legally since my options are limited being unable to work right now. Hell other half and I were gonna try and find a cheaper place to live.. Ironic don't have the cash to move because well it costs money to do so even though if we moved closer to their work and rental rates it would save us $500 a month probably.. The Irony of life.. Its like the old saying while floating in the Ocean.. "Water Water everywhere and not one damn drop to drink.."

    Fuck I'm not greedy don't need to win the hundred million jackpot like PowerBall or Mega Millions but 5-10k would sure be nice about now.. (admit it Ive spent a few dollars only here and there hoping for a miracle I know the odds suck but cant even throw down $1 on red or black around here).

    Damnit rambling again need to stop.. pressing reply now before I end up posting a fucking novel..

     
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      sah_24: hint get a job loser . . .

  7. #7
    Diamond Hockey Guy's Avatar
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    Just so you know, people are pulling for you on here.

    Don't settle for excuses(your vehicle issues) not to get some help. Just get it because it's the most important thing right now.
    (_) ..
    ∫\ \___( _)
    _∫∫ _∫∫ɯ \ \

    Quote Originally Posted by Hockey Guy
    I'd say good luck in the freeroll but I'm pretty sure you'll go on a bender to self-sabotage yourself & miss it completely or use it as the excuse of why you didn't cash.

  8. #8
    Yes, people pulling for you, best advice I can give after reading up date....1) if the meds were helpful stay on them 2) don't drink! Lastly money helps sure but remember that is not the answer over all.

  9. #9
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    PM me, I have been there and can help

  10. #10
    King of Lost Wages LarryLaffer's Avatar
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    Yo man

    obviously if you're a poster here you know what i've been through. it sucks.

    this community, as muchas it hates me, helped me. Random people who didn't know me came out and hoped i'd pull through.

    I can only think of one way to act in this situatuon: and that's the same way.


    OP, whoever you are, it's not worth it. I've been there too many times.

    Please feel free to PM me if you'd like. I'm always aroud to talk, 24/7.

    stay up.
    "Winning is the most important thing in my life, after breathing. Breathing first, winning next."

    George Steinbrenner

  11. #11
    Silver GringoStar's Avatar
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    My whole family has depression, at least on my non-Jew Italian side.

    It's a mental cancer and the only cure is constant activity and staying away from bad influences and cycles.

    1) Stop drinking or don't do it as often. It may help you forget or nap but only will compound your problems.

    2) Suicide continues to be a ridiculous option, even when you momentarily neglect to remember this fact.

    3) This is going to sound harsh, but suicide is selfish. A lot of people like to wrap themselves in the thought that by killing themselves, they are relieving the stress they put on the people they care about, or damaging the people they want to say the final "fuck you" to.

    In reality, the people who you care about will be the ones who really get shit-on, while you and your enemies get the easy way out. Fuck that.

    Sounds like there are a lot of people here that are willing to support you. Take them up on it.

     
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      The_Lurker: this is great advice

  12. #12
    Platinum thesparten's Avatar
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    Yo dude seriously... Not worth it....

    Had a friend that fucked it all up and ended in a Brooklyn shelter in fucken Brownsville..

    Got a minimum wage job.. worked like a horse for that pityfull $ and finally got a decent job..a decent apartment and a real decent girlfriend..

    It sucked just looking at him struggle, never mind "doing" the struggle..

    He us actually better for it..

  13. #13
    [you] is a chump

  14. #14
    Owner Dan Druff's Avatar
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    I can see who posts anon here, FYI.

    To the OP, sorry to hear about all of your problems.

    Do not consider suicide. Even if it seems like the right option, it's the wrong option.

    Often people feel like a burden when they actually aren't. Even if you think you really are, it will be a far bigger burden to your loved ones if you kill yourself.

    It will get better.

    Focus on your biggest few problems and put energy into solving just those -- even through unconventional (though not illegal) means.

    As I have said, I can see who you are, and can tell you that I personally like you.

    GL

  15. #15
    Wishing you well anon.

    Small successes can feel good. Literally, any accomplishment - like cleaning up the garage just to pass the time will feel good when you have finished. It might start a trend.

    Look at pulling off the gambling sites as a positive thing too. Attaboy. Inevitably, there is always a gambling setback or bad beat. It's part of the game, right. Who needs that shit? Especially now. Fuck them- you win!

    Small successes.

    I've been busto too. Serious fucking shit with small kids, a house, car loans etc. You are not the only one. Even if the prospect of minimum wage feels humiliating now - it's a small success.

    Small successes. Wash the dishes in the sink!

    Another, piece of advice that nobody accepts - but it's true in my experience. People love granting favors. Makes them feel powerful. While looking for a job or whatever - don't be too afraid to admit you are down on your luck and need a break. Who knows, guy across the desk may have gone through th same thing.

    Good luck !!!

    Edit: If you're a Dodgers fan consider the Cubs or the Indians. This too will go a long way toward turning that frown upside down
    Last edited by Sanlmar; 09-16-2017 at 03:53 AM.

  16. #16
    Wondering if Dr. Laffer ever finally graduated from med school?
    He really is/was a tailblazer in Mental Health Cancer Studies and America, of late, could really use his wisdom

    Also, OP, TR on your last year?

  17. #17
    Silver sah_24's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    I'm posting anonymously because I don't really want anybody to wonder or give two shits about what I'm about to say.. Hell I even expect the typical nasty laterfag comments fuck it who cares I'm to the point I don't care anymore either..

    Someday soon if things don't change you may miss me posting on here.. Maybe itll be because I'm too busy to get online you'll think.. Eventually itll be maybe he got tired of the forum..... Hell maybe somebody might actually give a shit I haven't been online and inquire.... I'm guessing by the time it gets to that point itll probably be too late.. Sure Druff might find out he has his ways.. but the truth is... I'm so fucking depressed anymore and beginning to feel like a fucking burden to everybody who I care about.. Either I cant sleep and awake for inordinate amount of time or I sleep well later then I should.. I try to find things to occupy myself with but the fact is I feel fucking useless.. I'm beginning to feel like a failure honestly despite reasonable success earlier in life.. Sure do I have things I could be proud of.. Yeah but that's all in the distant pass now it seems..

    I used to consider suicide a ridiculous option that would have consequences for my family and potential damnation for myself should I succeed.. Some say suicide is selfish.. When you feel like a burden to others how is ending that burden selfish I say... When you feel like you have little hope of things changing because your luck has turned to shit it seems and thanks to the shitty healthcare system you have to deal with because you lack the ability to borrow money because your credit is so fucked up and your such a sad sack of shit even your GoFundme ends up being a GoFuckYourself basically.. You truly do find out who your friends are when the SHTF and truth is people I thought were friends and even considered family are nowhere when things go south... Maybe I was nave and stupid.. Call it what you will.. I lived by the golden rule and still believe in it because I refuse to change and become an asshole because of it but the sad truth is when it comes to doing good.. What goes around doesn't always come around and Do unto others seems to be a sad joke because Ive always tried to do so even to my own detriment in the past and in return I get a big dog shit sandwich..

    For now I'm still here on this Earthly plane of existence but should I just quietly disappear don't worry about me.. Maybe I finally found the peace that's had been so elusive when I was here..
    What a fucking coward ... later fag

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by sah_24 View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by Anonymous View Post
    I'm posting anonymously because I don't really want anybody to wonder or give two shits about what I'm about to say.. Hell I even expect the typical nasty laterfag comments fuck it who cares I'm to the point I don't care anymore either..

    Someday soon if things don't change you may miss me posting on here.. Maybe itll be because I'm too busy to get online you'll think.. Eventually itll be maybe he got tired of the forum..... Hell maybe somebody might actually give a shit I haven't been online and inquire.... I'm guessing by the time it gets to that point itll probably be too late.. Sure Druff might find out he has his ways.. but the truth is... I'm so fucking depressed anymore and beginning to feel like a fucking burden to everybody who I care about.. Either I cant sleep and awake for inordinate amount of time or I sleep well later then I should.. I try to find things to occupy myself with but the fact is I feel fucking useless.. I'm beginning to feel like a failure honestly despite reasonable success earlier in life.. Sure do I have things I could be proud of.. Yeah but that's all in the distant pass now it seems..

    I used to consider suicide a ridiculous option that would have consequences for my family and potential damnation for myself should I succeed.. Some say suicide is selfish.. When you feel like a burden to others how is ending that burden selfish I say... When you feel like you have little hope of things changing because your luck has turned to shit it seems and thanks to the shitty healthcare system you have to deal with because you lack the ability to borrow money because your credit is so fucked up and your such a sad sack of shit even your GoFundme ends up being a GoFuckYourself basically.. You truly do find out who your friends are when the SHTF and truth is people I thought were friends and even considered family are nowhere when things go south... Maybe I was nave and stupid.. Call it what you will.. I lived by the golden rule and still believe in it because I refuse to change and become an asshole because of it but the sad truth is when it comes to doing good.. What goes around doesn't always come around and Do unto others seems to be a sad joke because Ive always tried to do so even to my own detriment in the past and in return I get a big dog shit sandwich..

    For now I'm still here on this Earthly plane of existence but should I just quietly disappear don't worry about me.. Maybe I finally found the peace that's had been so elusive when I was here..
    What a fucking coward ... later fag
    Well aren't you just a fucking happy ass bowl of cherries.. Bet the person in question is still alive... PS c$ is DREXEL!!! )

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