You've never bought a car Krypt. You're considering a Porsche - not a Jaguar F-Type. Already I see you need my help.
It's charming to follow a young man's struggles with adulthood while bound by conventional thinking and a complete lack of financial aptitude.
You've got a checklist. That's a start. Number one isn't performance. You want to get laid.
For the price of an Accord you can get a 1996 Rolls Royce Silver Spur. This is the stretched version of the Silver Spirit.
Seek out a landau roof. It's in keeping with the period. Another period touch - lighted ash trays abound in the car. What do kids do with spent roaches and blunts today? Hookers will appreciate this feature.
For the same amount of money your prospective Porsche will depreciate first year you can hire a negro to chauffeur you. Maybe your parents will lend you one of theirs. I don't know whether I would trust you with one of mine. I digress.
Point out to your lady friends the hood ornament is called "The Spirit of Ecstacy".
Try to prove this wrong.