DD seemes to be officially DD

[Vwls]

Can you plant cactus in your yard, or will the owner have to dictate what you do to the property?

I think I can do anything as long as it's tasteful and I pay for it. Not a big fan of most cacti, although it's popular around here. I prefer grass and trees. There are a few cacti that I like, but... 1) it makes no sense for me to spend a bunch of money if I can't take the improvements with me, and 2) in order to do any real planting back there, you have to remove the rocks, and then drill through the soil. It's a fucked up kind of Phoenix soil that is hard as a rock. You literally have to jackhammer it and then get it the hell out - replace with sod. So it's a tough job to plant trees and shrubs - you'd need machines to get it done right/go deep enough. That's why I'm thinking I'll just put up a nice looking gazebo, and a bunch of potted trees.

Someone mentioned the weeds - yes, they are popping up everywhere but easy to pull out when you catch them early. The thing that amazes me about them is that they can grow out of that rock-hard soil and up through the gravel - all with zero water. The weeds here are like alien plants - I admire their tenacity. There's actually one kind of weed back there that grows across the ground instead of vertically, and it's not bad looking. Maybe I'll pull the others and let that one do its thing. Left to its own devices, it could cover the gravel in about 6 months maybe, giving me a soft green ground covering at no cost (Jew grass LOL). The thing is, it will still feel like crap to walk on, since the rocks are jagged and uncomfortable under your feet. No amount of green cover on top of the rocks is going to change that. But it would look better. I guess. I like things green.

[sonatine]

guarantee landlord charges you to deal with jewgrass at some point, either when you leave or sooner.

[bottomset316]

This thread has gone down a very dark path. Vwls is now talking about the beautification of weeds in her backyard. I am very sorry I bumped this thread. The only thing worse now is if the owner removed the Great Wall of China with a chain link Home Depot fence.

[Hockey Guy]

This thread has gone down a very dark path. Vwls is now talking about the beautification of weeds in her backyard. I am very sorry I bumped this thread. The only thing worse now is if the owner removed the Great Wall of China with a chain link Home Depot fence.

What do you mean? It's way more interesting now.

[Vwls]

guarantee landlord charges you to deal with jewgrass at some point, either when you leave or sooner.

True. And that could be exPensive.

[limitles]

If you're renting then synthetic grass is the best option. No water, you can take it with you and it's nothing like your father's synthetic. Pricey but you only need a portion to enhance the yard

[Vwls]

If you're renting then synthetic grass is the best option. No water, you can take it with you and it's nothing like your father's synthetic. Pricey but you only need a portion to enhance the yard

Good friend of mine suggested this as well, but I've always hated fake grass. Maybe I'll do just a pathway of it leading to the gazebo. I'll come back to this thread and post pics of whatever I end up doing.

[Jasep]

Gravel backyards have to be the worse, it's like you can't go outside barefoot or with sandals on...

[Vwls]

Gravel backyards have to be the worse, it's like you can't go outside barefoot or with sandals on...

Exactly. Pisses me off that the owner isn't interested in investing in improvements. The rest of the house is so pretty - why would they want a terrible back yard? My dogs hate it too.

[sonatine]

Forgive me but from what I learned when living in the south west, you dont want to be barefoot outside at all pretty much.

- Brown recluse
- Black widow
- Scorpions
- Rattlesnakes

Like, seriously tho right?

Unless youve got something along the lines of tiles, such as the area around swimming pools, mother fuck walking on anything like grass (fake or otherwise) and specially mother fuck walking on gravel or stones.

[bottomset316]

Forgive me but from what I learned when living in the south west, you dont want to be barefoot outside at all pretty much.

- Brown recluse- Black widow
- Scorpions
- Rattlesnakes

Like, seriously tho right?

Unless youve got something along the lines of tiles, such as the area around swimming pools, mother fuck walking on anything like grass (fake or otherwise) and specially mother fuck walking on gravel or stones.

Let me clear, NOBODY ever wants to get bit by a brown recluse spider. I was the recipient of a bite 10+ years ago. Funny thing is, you don't know you are bit. The next day you know it.

[sonatine]

Yeah friend of mine got tagged in a Vegas whorehouse last year by a brown recluse. Hes looking at years of physical therapy and suffering a rotting bullet hole in his leg in the mean time.

We discovered a cluster of black widow eggs behind my oven in Vegas and I didnt even raise an eyebrow. Live and let live when it comes to those sons of bitches. But I fucking well shook out my sheets every night and knocked my shoes together every morning because of brown recluses.

[Vwls]

Forgive me but from what I learned when living in the south west, you dont want to be barefoot outside at all pretty much.

- Brown recluse
- Black widow
- Scorpions
- Rattlesnakes

Like, seriously tho right?

Unless you've got something along the lines of tiles, such as the area around swimming pools, mother fuck walking on anything like grass (fake or otherwise) and specially mother fuck walking on gravel or stones.

Depends on how close you are to the mountains. If your house is on the mountain or at it's edge, you will definitely have scorpions in your back yard at some point, and probably in your house. As you come further away and into the city, the incidence is less and less. I've never had a scorpion, black widow or snake in my yard in any house I've resided in here, but I've heard a lot of people tell me stories about their encounters. Also coyotes snatching up small pets. But those people were always at the base of a mountain.

[LLL]

Yeah friend of mine got tagged in a Vegas whorehouse last year by a brown recluse. Hes looking at years of physical therapy and suffering a rotting bullet hole in his leg in the mean time.

We discovered a cluster of black widow eggs behind my oven in Vegas and I didnt even raise an eyebrow. Live and let live when it comes to those sons of bitches. But I fucking well shook out my sheets every night and knocked my shoes together every morning because of brown recluses.

I don't know why but I think I am going to make this my sig.

[sonatine]

Forgive me but from what I learned when living in the south west, you dont want to be barefoot outside at all pretty much.

- Brown recluse
- Black widow
- Scorpions
- Rattlesnakes

Like, seriously tho right?

Unless you've got something along the lines of tiles, such as the area around swimming pools, mother fuck walking on anything like grass (fake or otherwise) and specially mother fuck walking on gravel or stones.

Depends on how close you are to the mountains. If your house is on the mountain or at it's edge, you will definitely have scorpions in your back yard at some point, and probably in your house. As you come further away and into the city, the incidence is less and less. I've never had a scorpion, black widow or snake in my yard in any house I've resided in here, but I've heard a lot of people tell me stories about their encounters. Also coyotes snatching up small pets. But those people were always at the base of a mountain.

definitely the case with the scorpions and snakes but the spiders will pop up wherever there is water/moisture basically. eg around faucets, sprinkler systems, labia, gardens, so on. they are definitely urban.

[sonatine]

Yeah friend of mine got tagged in a Vegas whorehouse last year by a brown recluse. Hes looking at years of physical therapy and suffering a rotting bullet hole in his leg in the mean time.

We discovered a cluster of black widow eggs behind my oven in Vegas and I didnt even raise an eyebrow. Live and let live when it comes to those sons of bitches. But I fucking well shook out my sheets every night and knocked my shoes together every morning because of brown recluses.

I don't know why but I think I am going to make this my sig.

I believe in your vision.

[bottomset316]

Yeah friend of mine got tagged in a Vegas whorehouse last year by a brown recluse. Hes looking at years of physical therapy and suffering a rotting bullet hole in his leg in the mean time.

We discovered a cluster of black widow eggs behind my oven in Vegas and I didnt even raise an eyebrow. Live and let live when it comes to those sons of bitches. But I fucking well shook out my sheets every night and knocked my shoes together every morning because of brown recluses.

Not to over dramatize things, but after being bit, I got up to 104 fever within a day and nearly died. Went to ER, and the saw the bite on my lower left back. Amazingly the Doc spotted it right off the bat and treated it (Indian guy).

Every night to the day, I scan the walls for spiders before I go to sleep. Gay, perhaps. But its part of my routine after that episode.

[Vwls]

Depends on how close you are to the mountains. If your house is on the mountain or at it's edge, you will definitely have scorpions in your back yard at some point, and probably in your house. As you come further away and into the city, the incidence is less and less. I've never had a scorpion, black widow or snake in my yard in any house I've resided in here, but I've heard a lot of people tell me stories about their encounters. Also coyotes snatching up small pets. But those people were always at the base of a mountain.

definitely the case with the scorpions and snakes but the spiders will pop up wherever there is water/moisture basically. eg around faucets, sprinkler systems, labia, gardens, so on. they are definitely urban.

LOL at labia... I guess I've been lucky then. Always a few spiders around, but I haven't seen a dangerous one. One thing I actually like about living here (and there aren't many) is that there are no fleas. Never had a single flea on any of my dogs or cats since I moved here - I guess maybe it's too hot for them?

[devidee]

Greetings, NWP.



Recently, I was playing in a 7 handed local game of 5/10 with some old guys. I dealt myself K10 of spades, and action folded around to me. I raised it up, and got called by both blinds. As I dealt the flop, I was bitten on the chode by four Brown Recluses in unison. I mucked my hand and ran to the bathroom to spray Raid down my urethra. While frantically scampering down the hallway, I tripped and fell face first into a tupperware container full of LSD. My throat was swollen, and I was unable to get up and ask for help. I managed to retrieve my Blackberry from my fanny pack. I fumbled with the device, unable to concentrate long enough to dial for help.

I am not a religious man, but what happened next really made me think that someone was watching after me. I heard a quick succession of raps on the front door. At this point, I was still lying face first in the LSD holding my breath! One of the old guys might get up to answer the door and help me spray Raid or DDT down my dickhole! My hope dissipated when four minutes passed. Another four or five knocks on the door... KNOCK LOUDER YOU SON OF A BITCH! No results. The old guys were all deaf from years of listening to Big Bands and their televisions turned up to Ten. The blood was draining from my face and I was extrememly downtrodden when I heard footsteps pattering away from the door. My one last hope was walking away. To make matters worse, I felt another Brown Recluse crawling up my pant leg. It felt pregnant, and I heard the faint rustle of a plump eggsack rattling on her back. God, I hoped this was just the LSD.

Anyways, just as I was about to give in and inhale the pure LSD... I did. Just as I was giving up, I heard a thunderous crash to my left! I felt hundreds of shafts of glass lodge into my back. Before I could fill my lungs with liquid acid, a strong hand pulled me from my hair out of the tupperware container, and unzipped my pants. At this point, I was really tripping out. My vision was distorted... but for one instant, I focused perfectly... and I swear to God I saw Kathy Liebert standing over me, can of Raid in hand. She told me to hush, and I felt the soothing Raid flowing down my urethra. After two complete cans were emptied into my you know what, I was able to move again, although my joints were creaky and my throat was still swollen. I tried to say, "Thank you", but could not yet muster the strength. The mysterious hero zipped me up, and gave me some orange juice to help me with my acid trip.

Let's not forget about the pregnant brown recluse that was crawling up my leg to hatch eggs in my asshole. As the heroine stroked my hair, I heard the tell tale crackling of hatching spiders echoing in the canyon of my own asshole. The Kathy Liebertesque savior grabbed the nest and ate the eggsack before it was too late. I watched in horror as she consumed the venomous arachnids. The blood drained from her face, and she scrambled back out the window. I didn't even get to thank her for what she did.



TWO WEEKS LATER

I'm in Atlantic City, and still not even sure if any of this happened. The old guys at my home game had told me they found me tucked in to the guest bed. Noone mentioned the broken window or any kind of commotion... perhaps I had dreamed it all. Anyways, I am playing limit holdem when Kathy Liebert sits in at the table. I am in seat 1, and she is in seat 4. I am dealt the K10 of spades, and raise it up. Kathy calls and it's me and her heads up in the pot. The flop comes down K 10 10. I check, she raises, and I fold. I mouth, "Thank you... whoever you are." to her, and she shows me the KK as I muck. She winks at me, and opens her mouth. For an instant, I saw the intricate webbing of a family spider nest... Kathy quickly closes her mouth, and it all comes back to me. Kathy scooped up the pot, and abruptly leaves the game. She slips something in my fanny pack as she passed.

Now, I was pretty much in shock at this point. I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. I broke into a brisk jog... I just had to know what this mysterious hero had left me! I made it to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I opened the fanny pack, and found a cylinder wrapped in a note. I read the note: "There is no time! Quickly disperse the contents of this into your urethra!" Huh? What the... I looked down to find a can of Raid. I didn't hesitate. As I felt the warm, pleasant substance coursing down my urethra... twelve black widows were forced out of my penis hole.

How did she know? I haven't seen her since, but I owe this woman two of my lives. She is an unheralded hero in the land of pubic spider infestation, and one hell of a poker player. I came out and posted this in the hopes others could be inspired by my personal experience, and prepared for any kind of penis tube arachnid shenanigans. Kathy Liebert is only a man, she cannot be everywhere at once. I advise you to disrobe and spray your orifices thoroughly with DDT and Agent Orange, and to keep on Tweakin' your respective Games, son.

y0 y0 y0 y0 y0 y0 y0, dat were what it was


BOI



-diggydow

[Vwls]

Greetings, NWP.



Recently, I was playing in a 7 handed local game of 5/10 with some old guys. I dealt myself K10 of spades, and action folded around to me. I raised it up, and got called by both blinds. As I dealt the flop, I was bitten on the chode by four Brown Recluses in unison. I mucked my hand and ran to the bathroom to spray Raid down my urethra. While frantically scampering down the hallway, I tripped and fell face first into a tupperware container full of LSD. My throat was swollen, and I was unable to get up and ask for help. I managed to retrieve my Blackberry from my fanny pack. I fumbled with the device, unable to concentrate long enough to dial for help.

I am not a religious man, but what happened next really made me think that someone was watching after me. I heard a quick succession of raps on the front door. At this point, I was still lying face first in the LSD holding my breath! One of the old guys might get up to answer the door and help me spray Raid or DDT down my dickhole! My hope dissipated when four minutes passed. Another four or five knocks on the door... KNOCK LOUDER YOU SON OF A BITCH! No results. The old guys were all deaf from years of listening to Big Bands and their televisions turned up to Ten. The blood was draining from my face and I was extrememly downtrodden when I heard footsteps pattering away from the door. My one last hope was walking away. To make matters worse, I felt another Brown Recluse crawling up my pant leg. It felt pregnant, and I heard the faint rustle of a plump eggsack rattling on her back. God, I hoped this was just the LSD.

Anyways, just as I was about to give in and inhale the pure LSD... I did. Just as I was giving up, I heard a thunderous crash to my left! I felt hundreds of shafts of glass lodge into my back. Before I could fill my lungs with liquid acid, a strong hand pulled me from my hair out of the tupperware container, and unzipped my pants. At this point, I was really tripping out. My vision was distorted... but for one instant, I focused perfectly... and I swear to God I saw Kathy Liebert standing over me, can of Raid in hand. She told me to hush, and I felt the soothing Raid flowing down my urethra. After two complete cans were emptied into my you know what, I was able to move again, although my joints were creaky and my throat was still swollen. I tried to say, "Thank you", but could not yet muster the strength. The mysterious hero zipped me up, and gave me some orange juice to help me with my acid trip.

Let's not forget about the pregnant brown recluse that was crawling up my leg to hatch eggs in my asshole. As the heroine stroked my hair, I heard the tell tale crackling of hatching spiders echoing in the canyon of my own asshole. The Kathy Liebertesque savior grabbed the nest and ate the eggsack before it was too late. I watched in horror as she consumed the venomous arachnids. The blood drained from her face, and she scrambled back out the window. I didn't even get to thank her for what she did.



TWO WEEKS LATER

I'm in Atlantic City, and still not even sure if any of this happened. The old guys at my home game had told me they found me tucked in to the guest bed. Noone mentioned the broken window or any kind of commotion... perhaps I had dreamed it all. Anyways, I am playing limit holdem when Kathy Liebert sits in at the table. I am in seat 1, and she is in seat 4. I am dealt the K10 of spades, and raise it up. Kathy calls and it's me and her heads up in the pot. The flop comes down K 10 10. I check, she raises, and I fold. I mouth, "Thank you... whoever you are." to her, and she shows me the KK as I muck. She winks at me, and opens her mouth. For an instant, I saw the intricate webbing of a family spider nest... Kathy quickly closes her mouth, and it all comes back to me. Kathy scooped up the pot, and abruptly leaves the game. She slips something in my fanny pack as she passed.

Now, I was pretty much in shock at this point. I excused myself and headed to the bathroom. I broke into a brisk jog... I just had to know what this mysterious hero had left me! I made it to the bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I opened the fanny pack, and found a cylinder wrapped in a note. I read the note: "There is no time! Quickly disperse the contents of this into your urethra!" Huh? What the... I looked down to find a can of Raid. I didn't hesitate. As I felt the warm, pleasant substance coursing down my urethra... twelve black widows were forced out of my penis hole.

How did she know? I haven't seen her since, but I owe this woman two of my lives. She is an unheralded hero in the land of pubic spider infestation, and one hell of a poker player. I came out and posted this in the hopes others could be inspired by my personal experience, and prepared for any kind of penis tube arachnid shenanigans. Kathy Liebert is only a man, she cannot be everywhere at once. I advise you to disrobe and spray your orifices thoroughly with DDT and Agent Orange, and to keep on Tweakin' your respective Games, son.

y0 y0 y0 y0 y0 y0 y0, dat were what it was


BOI



-diggydow

Old school greatness... but you credited the wrong author, didn't you? I think this belongs to the Light that Casts no Shadows..., the one, the only, Wiz.