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Thread: From The Penthouse To The Poorhouse: A WillieMcFuckMyLife Saga

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    How Could You? WillieMcFML's Avatar
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    From The Penthouse To The Poorhouse: A WillieMcFuckMyLife Saga

    Flashback to about a year and a half ago, I was going into day 3 of the World Series of Poker Main Event with a top chip stack feeling on top of the world. I was living my dream and had tens of thousands of dollars in a safe. I was in the best shape physically that I had been since probably my mid 20's. I was exercising almost daily, swimming a couple times a week, had a good tan and looked and felt healthier than I had in some time.

    Well, as many of you know, I fell short of the glory but still came back to St. Louis feeling good. Even though I dropped $15k or so post-main event just gambling and having fun in Vegas, I still had a healthy bankroll and a good outlook. I felt like I played great, and was very proud of myself for taking my shot and playing the way I did - not playing like a typical first-timer, willing to get in there and play big pots with whoever and not letting any of the circus like atmosphere affect my game.

    This good feeling carried over for awhile, until a couple months after I got home. I started to feel less pride in how I played and more regretted not doing more with my "one shot". I would beat myself up daily, if not hourly, knowing I would probably never find myself in a spot like that again. I wasn't working, and just kind of did whatever I wanted on a day to day basis, with no real direction. I wouldn't consider myself depressed at the time, more...indifferent.

    This went on for probably about six months, where I wasn't really doing much of anything - just sitting at home spending money while not making any. Eventually I found myself at or near busto, and really wasn't in a good mindset.


    In my early twenties I had a big drug problem (heroin). I was a junkie but eventually got clean around age 25 with a little luck and a lot of methadone. I completely abstained from dope for well over a decade but still was taking a very minimal dose of methadone of 10mg. A typical heroin addict takes around 80-100mg per day by comparison. It doesn't sound like much but that last 10mg is tough to kick, and because it didn't cost me really any money and wasn't a real problem I was never highly motivated to get completely off it.

    Fast forward to about six months ago and there were problems getting my script filled. For whatever reason, there was a problem with the distributors or whatever and the pharmacies were all out. This is where I really fucked up. Instead of toughing it out while I had no responsibilities (a job I had to get up for every morning), I had a buddy of mine who still used get me a small amount of dope.

    I was depressed and busto so I really didn't give a fuck, and thought it was a temporary solution until I could figure out how to get my methadone script filled. Well, obviously you know how this ends...

    So now I'm hooked on dope, owe several people money, and have a job I like which will ultimately be affected if i don't get myself clean. The problem is I don't know if my job would still be there if I decided to go to an inpatient rehab, so I've been trying to cut back to where I can go cold turkey on a weekend and feel good enough to be able to go to work that Monday.

    Not really looking for pitty or whatever, just kind of tired of being in this spot and really feel like a piece of shit. I guess this is me taking my "first step". Easier to admit to a message board than my family. Hopefully this will light a fire under my ass, and make me stop being a little bitch. If anyone has any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. Flame away


    tl;dr drugs are bad, mmkay

     
    Comments
      
      Lord of the Fraud: best of luck fella
      
      jsearles22: Maybe the most real post in PFA history. We all got your back. You can kick this. Just takes the desire, which you've got
      
      big dick: yep, what sizzle said.
      
      BeerAndPoker: Hang in there man. You can fight this! It won't be easy as you already know but just remember YOU are living proof it can be done.
      
      DRK Star: what the others said
      
      Suicide King: Xoxo
      
      sonatine: https://www.health.ny.gov/publications/9555/ (ive watched it save lives)
      
      herbertstemple: GL and get off the shit.
      
      tony bagadonuts: You're still my boy Blue
      
      gut: you got this
      
      Sanlmar: Huge Willie fan. I'll continue to rail ya.
      
      Baron Von Strucker: Good luck
      
      ToasterOven: at least you're not garrett
      
      Hockey Guy: Best of luck to you sir. We're all rooting for you.
      
      OSA: pretty sure they legally cant fire you for going to rehab
      
      Crowe Diddly: HArd times don't break Willie rep
      
      Ricky: real shit. Good post. You can beat it, smoke lots of weed and take hot showers untill the worst is over. god bless
      
      JACKDANIELS: at least your not 408mike
      
      IamGreek: You are better than this Buddy. and look at all the support you have here. You can do this.
      
      vegas1369: You can do this Willie. Stay strong my friend.
      
      Gordman: Hang in there, you can do it
      
      nunbeater: We all have our demons bro kick this shit
      
      Flipper_Fair: CBD patches, pm me
      
      4Dragons: HCY? Suck it up, buttercup
      
      JimmyG_415: GL Willie, I know from friends and fam its a tough road, but you did it once.
      
      JMM: GL, Willie. You got it.
      
      JUSTIFIEDhomicide: respect brother. didnt know the deets til now
      
      Tegnation22: Poignant read. Opiods/Heroin Suck!!!
      
      splitthis: Pussy
    Last edited by WillieMcFML; 11-28-2015 at 01:26 PM.

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