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Thread: From The Penthouse To The Poorhouse: A WillieMcFuckMyLife Saga

  1. #1

    From The Penthouse To The Poorhouse: A WillieMcFuckMyLife Saga

    Flashback to about a year and a half ago, I was going into day 3 of the World Series of Poker Main Event with a top chip stack feeling on top of the world. I was living my dream and had tens of thousands of dollars in a safe. I was in the best shape physically that I had been since probably my mid 20's. I was exercising almost daily, swimming a couple times a week, had a good tan and looked and felt healthier than I had in some time.

    Well, as many of you know, I fell short of the glory but still came back to St. Louis feeling good. Even though I dropped $15k or so post-main event just gambling and having fun in Vegas, I still had a healthy bankroll and a good outlook. I felt like I played great, and was very proud of myself for taking my shot and playing the way I did - not playing like a typical first-timer, willing to get in there and play big pots with whoever and not letting any of the circus like atmosphere affect my game.

    This good feeling carried over for awhile, until a couple months after I got home. I started to feel less pride in how I played and more regretted not doing more with my "one shot". I would beat myself up daily, if not hourly, knowing I would probably never find myself in a spot like that again. I wasn't working, and just kind of did whatever I wanted on a day to day basis, with no real direction. I wouldn't consider myself depressed at the time, more...indifferent.

    This went on for probably about six months, where I wasn't really doing much of anything - just sitting at home spending money while not making any. Eventually I found myself at or near busto, and really wasn't in a good mindset.


    In my early twenties I had a big drug problem (heroin). I was a junkie but eventually got clean around age 25 with a little luck and a lot of methadone. I completely abstained from dope for well over a decade but still was taking a very minimal dose of methadone of 10mg. A typical heroin addict takes around 80-100mg per day by comparison. It doesn't sound like much but that last 10mg is tough to kick, and because it didn't cost me really any money and wasn't a real problem I was never highly motivated to get completely off it.

    Fast forward to about six months ago and there were problems getting my script filled. For whatever reason, there was a problem with the distributors or whatever and the pharmacies were all out. This is where I really fucked up. Instead of toughing it out while I had no responsibilities (a job I had to get up for every morning), I had a buddy of mine who still used get me a small amount of dope.

    I was depressed and busto so I really didn't give a fuck, and thought it was a temporary solution until I could figure out how to get my methadone script filled. Well, obviously you know how this ends...

    So now I'm hooked on dope, owe several people money, and have a job I like which will ultimately be affected if i don't get myself clean. The problem is I don't know if my job would still be there if I decided to go to an inpatient rehab, so I've been trying to cut back to where I can go cold turkey on a weekend and feel good enough to be able to go to work that Monday.

    Not really looking for pitty or whatever, just kind of tired of being in this spot and really feel like a piece of shit. I guess this is me taking my "first step". Easier to admit to a message board than my family. Hopefully this will light a fire under my ass, and make me stop being a little bitch. If anyone has any questions, I'll do my best to answer them. Flame away


    tl;dr drugs are bad, mmkay

     
    Comments
      
      Lord of the Fraud: best of luck fella
      
      jsearles22: Maybe the most real post in PFA history. We all got your back. You can kick this. Just takes the desire, which you've got
      
      big dick: yep, what sizzle said.
      
      BeerAndPoker: Hang in there man. You can fight this! It won't be easy as you already know but just remember YOU are living proof it can be done.
      
      DRK Star: what the others said
      
      Suicide King: Xoxo
      
      sonatine: https://www.health.ny.gov/publications/9555/ (ive watched it save lives)
      
      herbertstemple: GL and get off the shit.
      
      tony bagadonuts: You're still my boy Blue
      
      gut: you got this
      
      Sanlmar: Huge Willie fan. I'll continue to rail ya.
      
      Baron Von Strucker: Good luck
      
      ToasterOven: at least you're not garrett
      
      Hockey Guy: Best of luck to you sir. We're all rooting for you.
      
      Onestep: pretty sure they legally cant fire you for going to rehab
      
      Crowe Diddly: HArd times don't break Willie rep
      
      Ricky: real shit. Good post. You can beat it, smoke lots of weed and take hot showers untill the worst is over. god bless
      
      JACKDANIELS: at least your not 408mike
      
      IamGreek: You are better than this Buddy. and look at all the support you have here. You can do this.
      
      vegas1369: You can do this Willie. Stay strong my friend.
      
      Gordman: Hang in there, you can do it
      
      nunbeater: We all have our demons bro kick this shit
      
      Flipper_Fair: CBD patches, pm me
      
      4Dragons: HCY? Suck it up, buttercup
      
      JimmyG_415: GL Willie, I know from friends and fam its a tough road, but you did it once.
      
      JMM: GL, Willie. You got it.
      
      JUSTIFIEDhomicide: respect brother. didnt know the deets til now
      
      Tegnation22: Poignant read. Opiods/Heroin Suck!!!
      
      splitthis: Pussy
    Last edited by WillieMcFML; 11-28-2015 at 02:26 PM.

  2. #2
    Keep doing what you are doing to get back on track. One of the hardest things to do is look forward and not look back. Thinking about "what might of been" will keep you bogged down forever. Start trying to be better off tomorrow than you were today, and keep going like that every day. It works.

    Seriously stop doing drugs. Not even a little bit. Not even once in a while.

     
    Comments
      
      Jayjami: Excellent advice.
      
      thesparten: +1

  3. #3
    Serial Blogger BeerAndPoker's Avatar
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    No questions here just want to wish you the best and taking the first step to admit you have a problem to others and yourself is something a lot of people won't ever do so good on you for that.

    I hope you can get clean. I'm not sure of your family situation but perhaps you should tell at least someone you feel will be the best to give you positive help/advice instead of someone who will just be like damn that Willie fell off the wagon.

    Maybe you have another friend who has had the same issues with drugs then got clean who would be willing to talk to you. This could help give you encouragement and motivation which is what you will need along the way.

    It's important not to give up and do everything you can to fight temptation. Yeah I know that is waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay easier said then done especially with heroin (and variants of it) but you have to give it your all to want to stay clean because the harsh reality is people can give you advice, words of encouragement, etc. but you must do for you by finding a way stop putting that very addictive shit in your body.

    Consider the job you have that you seem to like where you want to hold on to it and other life purposes that will push you to want to do well for yourself.

  4. #4
    Damn Willie, so sorry to hear that. Fucking sucks. Kudos for admitting all that though. Hope you can kick that shit man. Any possibility you can look into the benefits of your new job descreetly to see if they have an addiction rehab policy? Some companies have a policy where they guarantee employment.

    Can't say I'm totally shocked based on our transfer attempt, but definitely surprising to hear.

    Willie is an honorable dude. I'm sure he doesn't need some random person like me defending him but a few weeks back I offered to do a Bovada swap for cash for him and although it didn't work out and he took a couple weeks to pay me back he not only paid me back but paid me more than we originally agreed to for the inconvenience. He doesn't know me from Adam and could've easily rolled me.

  5. #5
    Diamond big dick's Avatar
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    Don't stop fighting, never give in and never give up.You are up against a formidable opponent, I wish you luck.
    Id rather lose the decent job than lose my life, get going on the impatient/outpatient program regardless if you lose the job or not. What good is a decent job if you're fucked up on heroin? Have you gone to any aa/na meetings lately? If not get up and go to one 1st thing in the morning.
    Keep us updated dude, good luck.

  6. #6
    Serial Blogger BeerAndPoker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThreeBet View Post
    Seriously stop doing drugs. Not even a little bit. Not even once in a while.
    Sorry man but this comment isn't a good one here. It might sound great in theory but it's unrealistic for most people who get hooked especially on Heroin and other opioids. It is the goal though of course.

    It were only that easy then a majority of people would quit, especially when they realize they've got in too deep. These individuals would stop ruining their lives and others around them but it's just not possible for many of them without a lot of help and the will to want to not only get clean but stay that way.

     
    Comments
      
      MumblesBadly: Truth.

  7. #7
    Quote Originally Posted by BeerAndPoker View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ThreeBet View Post
    Seriously stop doing drugs. Not even a little bit. Not even once in a while.
    Sorry man but this comment isn't a good one here. It might sound great in theory but it's unrealistic for most people who get hooked especially on Heroin and other opioids. It is the goal though of course.

    It were only that easy then a majority of people would quit, especially when they realize they've got in too deep. These individuals would stop ruining their lives and others around them but it's just not possible for many of them without a lot of help and the will to want to not only get clean but stay that way.

    Its not a "theory". There are millions of people that have quit drugs forever. Obviously it is not easy and I am in no way suggesting it is, but if he ever truly is going to get back on the right track it will have to be drug-free. Not "sorta" drug-free. For the same reason alcoholics can't just have a drink once in a while.

  8. #8
    tell us weird drug stories now also how many black people do you have to encounter on the reg AND ALSO what are we calling it now adays chiva, ron whats THE WORD ON THE STREETS BREH

     
    Comments
      
      big dick: Kill yourself
      
      Gordman: holy fuck, leave and never come back
      
      Muck Ficon: :noose
      
      DRK Star: Most Octopi have 3 hearts...you, sir, have none
      
      Onestep: he means well...in hisown way
      
      IamGreek: Srsly Man. You are the worst human on here. and I use the term very loosely here
      
      Corrigan: look at this

  9. #9
    Serial Blogger BeerAndPoker's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by ThreeBet View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by BeerAndPoker View Post

    Sorry man but this comment isn't a good one here. It might sound great in theory but it's unrealistic for most people who get hooked especially on Heroin and other opioids. It is the goal though of course.

    It were only that easy then a majority of people would quit, especially when they realize they've got in too deep. These individuals would stop ruining their lives and others around them but it's just not possible for many of them without a lot of help and the will to want to not only get clean but stay that way.

    Its not a "theory". There are millions of people that have quit drugs forever. Obviously it is not easy and I am in no way suggesting it is, but if he ever truly is going to get back on the right track it will have to be drug-free. Not "sorta" drug-free. For the same reason alcoholics can't just have a drink once in a while.
    I know you mean well for Willie and in no way was I suggesting you don't btw but I don't like it being said that way is all but perhaps it's just me.

    A lot of people do quit forever and turn their lives around but many go back to their old ways because something brings them back to the drug.

    It's just to tell someone who admits they have a problem "stop doing it" is repeating what they already know yet at this current time in their life they can't quit.

  10. #10
    Quote Originally Posted by BeerAndPoker View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by ThreeBet View Post


    Its not a "theory". There are millions of people that have quit drugs forever. Obviously it is not easy and I am in no way suggesting it is, but if he ever truly is going to get back on the right track it will have to be drug-free. Not "sorta" drug-free. For the same reason alcoholics can't just have a drink once in a while.
    I know you mean well for Willie and in no way was I suggesting you don't btw but I don't like it being said that way is all but perhaps it's just me.

    A lot of people do quit forever and turn their lives around but many go back to their old ways because something brings them back to the drug.

    It's just to tell someone who admits they have a problem "stop doing it" is repeating what they already know yet at this current time in their life they can't quit.
    what you are saying is very true. if it were that easy, i wouldn't be in the spot i am today.

    but what i took away from three-bet's comment was he was trying to say you can't say to yourself you'll only do it on the weekends or whatever. if you are going to quit, the only way is 100%. at least that's what i thought he was trying say

  11. #11
    Diamond big dick's Avatar
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    Do you shoot or snort? How much have you been using(roughly) per day since you started using again?

  12. #12
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    last time you used?

  13. #13
    are there any specific meds that you could use to help your situation?

  14. #14
    logged on drunkenly to say that if you get clean buddy, like I've said before, I'd be willing to buy a large chunk of you in the next WSOP main. Honestly, good luck and keep fighting the fight. BOL

  15. #15
    last time i used was tonight. typically use around 12 pills a day (~$75)

  16. #16
    Beer & Poker, Yeah, I understand what you are saying. I'm not suggesting he kick an opioid addiction overnight. Im just saying that whether its tomorrow, next week, next month, whatever, until he is drug-free he will always end up in the same spot. I think every ounce of his being should be focused on figuring out a way to quit (with the help of others)

    Sorry, didnt mean to sound like I was saying "Hey idiot, its easy. Just stop doing drugs". Quitting a herion addiction is probably the toughest thing someone will have to do their whole lives. I have a great amount of respect for someone that can overcome it.

    I guess what frustrates me, is that I am almost 40, and I can't believe the sheer volume of people I know personally that have had their lives ruined by drugs and/or alcohol. Off the top of my head, I know at least a dozen people that have died from it. It just fucking sucks to see it happen to anyone.

     
    Comments
      
      BeerAndPoker: fair enough! It sucks losing anyone you know to any type of drugs.

  17. #17
    Diamond big dick's Avatar
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    Pills?

  18. #18
    Quote Originally Posted by DRK Star View Post
    are there any specific meds that you could use to help your situation?
    besides methadone, subuxone

    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buprenorphine

    the problem with suboxone is it's an opiate antagonist, which means if you have any dope in your system it gives you immediate, severe withdrawals.

    i actually have some and everyone says it's a miracle drug, but i must be taking it too soon after my last high, because it makes me hella sick.

    i'm not waiting long enough, apparently. you have to get sick enough to get better, as strange as that sounds...which is hard to do.

     
    Comments
      
      sonatine: just repped this, its legit

  19. #19
    Quote Originally Posted by WillieMcFML View Post
    Quote Originally Posted by BeerAndPoker View Post

    I know you mean well for Willie and in no way was I suggesting you don't btw but I don't like it being said that way is all but perhaps it's just me.

    A lot of people do quit forever and turn their lives around but many go back to their old ways because something brings them back to the drug.

    It's just to tell someone who admits they have a problem "stop doing it" is repeating what they already know yet at this current time in their life they can't quit.
    what you are saying is very true. if it were that easy, i wouldn't be in the spot i am today.

    but what i took away from three-bet's comment was he was trying to say you can't say to yourself you'll only do it on the weekends or whatever. if you are going to quit, the only way is 100%. at least that's what i thought he was trying say

    Exactly Willie. Ive just seen so many fall into the trap of thinking they can maintain a normal lifestyle while just doing it occasionally, and Ive NEVER seen it work out. Sure, it can work for awhile(which it sounds like you have experience with), but it always crashes down in the end.

  20. #20
    Quote Originally Posted by handicapme View Post
    logged on drunkenly to say that if you get clean buddy, like I've said before, I'd be willing to buy a large chunk of you in the next WSOP main. Honestly, good luck and keep fighting the fight. BOL
    thanks man

    this is why i made the thread, going for long-con jasep type rolling

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