Originally Posted by
LarryLaffer
here's the thing.
one i'm drunk. very drunk. i just got done dj'ing a party for all the bike messengers in chicago. one of these bike messengers is the reason i'm in trouble, because he ratted me out to the police and got me in a lot of trouble, and almost killed by a gung ho narcotics officer with a machine gun. yes that does happen in chicago. I had to watch him accept an award for 3rd place tonight (sure third sucks right? but it's the podium, so it does mean something) and everyone i know clap for him. talk about gross.
am i on the edge? you betcha. i'm about as close to the edge as it gets at the moment. it sickening.
did i make this thread with the intention of really killing myself? yes and no. i live in a deep depression, only worsened by things i have to encounter in my daily life, like having to pee in a cup while some asshole with a high school education watches me, or having to share an elevator with my mortal enemy because we happen to be making a delivery to the same building at the same time.
worst of all, no one really believes me when i tell them this kid is a scum bag. they continue to be friends with him, then when i'm around they just act like nothing is wrong.
I was packing up my gear when Druff texted me. once again, it took a random stranger, who I don't know, to talk me down. Mumbles did it in july right before my thread about my probation violation. i was halfway through a bottle of whiskey when i reached out to him to tell him if he didn't hear from me by the next few days, that i was gone. he left me a voice message. i still have it.
you guys might hate him, or troll him, but he came out of the woodwork, and helped. Druff and Drexel did tonight. Drexel took time out of his day while on vacation to text me. They know who I really am and what i've been through, as does Mumbles.
im really sorry i made this thread. it was in poor taste. but if i hadn't. who knows. i might've jumped into the expressway. but now i'm here, back home, sitting at my kitchen table typing this. turntables on the floor next to me. i just played a party. and everyone was happy, but I wasn't.
it's just after 3 am here.
thank you all for the kind words. it did bring a smile to my face. i figured it'd be a bunch of laterfags. 'Tine doesn't disappoint does he.
maybe i'll feel different tomorrow. maybe i'll feel better. maybe i'll feel just the same. only hours before day light. another day approaches, another one will pass me by.
PFA does keep