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Thread: The Jew Files: How I Bluffed the Salvation Army

  1. #1
    Owner Dan Druff's Avatar
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    The Jew Files: How I Bluffed the Salvation Army

    A few years ago, I was moving out of my apartment in Vegas. I had some old furniture which, while in good condition, wasn't all that valuable. Rather than try to sell it for modest amount of money, I decided to do the charitable thing and give it away to the Salvation Army. I had used the Salvation Army in the past in California, and everything went well.



    I needed the apartment all the way up until moveout day, so I scheduled the Salvation Army to come pick up my stuff at 10am. I had to be out by 5pm, so this gave me plenty of time.

    At 10am, nobody showed up. I called up at 10:10, and asked if they were close. At this point they broke the bad news to me that they were very busy and running behind, and that they would have to come at 12pm instead. I wasn't thrilled about this, but I accepted it.

    Starting from about 11:45am, I was waiting right by the door. I didn't want to miss them knocking, and in fact was paranoid that perhaps this would happen, and I would be stuck with very heavy furniture that I couldn't remove on move out day.

    12pm arrived. Nothing. Then it got to 12:15. Nothing. WTF? First they delay me for 2 hours, then they still don't show up?!

    I called up the office again, and I was told that they would get a hold of the driver and have them call me.

    About 10 minutes later, I got a call from the driver.

    "Sorry, but we came to your apartment, and no one answered. We are very busy today, and can't come back. We knocked several times and stood there for 10 minutes. You'll have to reschedule."



    All of my worst fears were coming true. How was this possible? I was certain they were either lying or had gone to the wrong place. I verified the address and unit #. They insisted that they had gone to that exact address, and that I simply did not answer. They claimed they were there at 12pm sharp.

    There was ZERO POINT ZERO chance this was true. I was right by the door the entire time, and did not have anything loud like the TV on.

    I finally talked them into coming back. I told them to please verify the address again, and to make sure to come to the right place. They said that they would. On the surface, this seemed like the matter was resolved, but I had a feeling that more fail was coming.

    20 minutes passed. Nothing. I was beside myself. How could this be happening? And why?

    I called them back on the cell number that called me. The driver answered.

    "Yeah, we came back a second time. Still no answer. Verified the address twice. You just weren't there. I don't know what you're pulling on us, bro, but we're very busy and can't keep wasting our time on this. I'm sorry, but you're going to have to reschedule."



    I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone. I was right by the door. In fact, I left the door wide open this time, just to prevent any further confusion. Nobody showed. So how could they be repeatedly verifying the address? How could the be sure they were in the right place?

    Now, normally I would just give up at this point and find some other option to get rid of this stuff. But it was already getting late, and I had to have everything out by 5pm. I didn't have time to arrange another option. I counted on the Salvation Army, did everything they asked, and now they were leaving me in the lurch.

    I called the main office. It got even weirder. I explained the situation to someone, who seemed helpful and sympathetic. They put me on hold. I sat on hold for 10 minutes, and no one came back. I hung up and called again.

    This time I got someone different. They didn't know who I was talking to before, so I explained it all over again. This person was less cooperative, and basically told me that there was nothing they could do, and that I'd have to reschedule. When I asked for the manager, they said she "was out of the office" but would be returning at 2pm. I left a message to have her call me back, and was promised that would happen.

    2pm came. No call. I called up and asked for the manager. They claimed she was "in a meeting" and couldn't talk. I again explained what was going on. In the middle of my explanation, I heard a dial tone. I had been hung up on.

    I called back. As soon as they recognized my voice, they just hung up on me.



    I called back another time. This time I heard a voice on the other end that I didn't recognize, and I tried one more time to find out WTF was going on.

    This guy was nicer, and he leveled with me.

    "I don't understand what's going on here," he said. "'I'm on your side. I've been trying to reason with them here. They just want you to go away. I keep trying to tell them that we probably made a mistake on our end, but no one wants to deal with it. The manager told everyone just to ignore you and keep hanging up on you until you go away, but I just can't do it. I don't think this is your fault. I wish I could help."

    FINALLY someone with sense. But it sounded like he was a low man on the totem pole. I asked him if he could put me in contact with a district manager or something, but he said he didn't know who that was. Furthermore, he didn't want to get further involved.

    "If they knew I was even telling you all of this, I would be fired," he said. "I'm sorry. man. I really wish I could help. This is messed up. I have no idea how it got to this point, but honestly, if you need to get your stuff out by 5, you should really rush and find another option. Nobody here is going to help you."

    I felt frustrated, trapped, and powerless.

    If I left the heavy furniture in the apartment overnight, the complex would have likely moved it out at their own expense and dinged my security deposit for big money for its moving and disposal.

    I counted on the Salvation Army and they screwed me over. Now I was stuck.

    Then I realized that if I wanted to solve this, I had to get creative.

    END PART 1

  2. #2
    Owner Dan Druff's Avatar
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    I waited about 20 minutes and called back using the Colonel Nigel Fabersham voice. I asked for the manager, claiming I wanted to donate money to the Salvation Army and needed to discuss the best options for doing so.

    Of course, believing it to be a different person, they put her right on.

    I dropped the fake accent and quickly told her who I was was. Knowing she might hang up on me, I made sure to drop my fabricated bombshell to keep her on the phone.

    "You are about to lose your job over what happened here. You don't realize that my uncle is one of the biggest donors the Salvation Army has, and he's aware of what's going on. He's furious about this."



    Before she could react, I continued with my phony rich uncle story and gave it a bit more authenticity.

    "He donates $400,000 per year. He's been doing this since 2003. He left the Salvation Army in his will. He's the one who suggested I use you for removing this furniture. I told him what happened and let him listen in on some of the calls. He said, 'I think I've made a grave mistake with where I've been donating my money.' If you want, he can call in and talk to you. Or I can have him send you proof that he's really been donating this much. I'm just letting you know what's about to happen. I'd like you to give you a chance to explain this to him before he calls his contact on Monday and pulls his support."



    The manager's tone became very concerned, and she started to stammer. I could tell the bluff was working!

    I knew that she wouldn't actually want to speak to him or demand proof of his donations. I figured that offering the proof and his desire to talk to her would be convincing enough, and in fact she would be nervous to talk to an angered donor.

    "No, no, sir, please let us make this situation right. I don't want to upset your uncle. We appreciate his generosity," she meekly replied.

    I asked what happened. How did it get to this point? Why was she instructing people to hang up on me? Why wouldn't she return my call? Why didn't they take me seriously about no one showing up and perhaps having the wrong address?

    "We made some mistakes here, I will admit that," she said. "We figured out a short time ago that we went to the wrong unit and... well... we just kind of dropped the ball from there. We're human. Some people here, well, umm... we just were so busy and didn't have time to go back there, so... well, we were avoiding it. I know it wasn't right. I'm so sorry. Please let us make this right."

    I arranged with her to have them come back immediately, reminding her that I had to be out by 5pm and that we were almost out of time. I also demanded that they send two new people down to pick up the stuff, as I didn't want to deal with the two jerks who caused this in the first place.

    "Of course, sir. We will send two new people down. Two guys who aren't even aware any of this is going on. Please give us one more chance. We will get it right, and you can let your uncle know that we took care of it."



    I had the situation solved, but I wanted to make this bitch squirm a bit for what she did.

    "So what should I tell my uncle? That the average person gets treated like crap by the Salvation Army when they try to donate, and that mistakes are only corrected if they have a rich uncle who gives a lot of money to you guys every year?"

    She got really nervous again.

    "Well, umm... no... I mean, yes, we want your uncle to be happy, but.. uhhh... well, we made mistakes here. We know. This shouldn't happen. Not to anyone. We are going to talk about this here. We will make sure going forward everyone will be treated with respect. I'm so sorry. Please tell your uncle that we appreciate all people who wish to donate items to us. So please just let me send a crew over right now to get your stuff."

    The crew came. Indeed, they had different voices than the people I had spoken to at noon. They were extremely nice, the the point of asskissing. They said that they had "heard about" what happened and were very ashamed of the actions of the others in the office.

    I gave them some cold water throughout the job on this hot day, and everything went fine. They again apologized at the end before leaving.

    The time was 4:50pm. I ran down to the complex's office and turned in my keys.

    The crisis was over. And I had my fictitious rich uncle to thank for it.

     
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  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by Dan Druff View Post

    I needed the apartment all the way up until moveout day, so I scheduled the Salvation Army to come pick up my stuff at 10am. I had to be out by 5pm, so this gave me plenty of time.

    lmao, this one is 100% on you.
    Quote Originally Posted by abrown83
    I'm going to come across as a bit of a douche but I really know more about this then anyone on this board by miles.

    ...if Trump is nominee he wins Presidency easily. Angry Blue Collar Whites will have record turnout.

  4. #4
    All Sorts of Sports gut's Avatar
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    I've ran into similar situations with cabs up here. Had multiple times of calling from a bar, I'm waiting outside holding my phone, and no cab. Then when calling back, get told by the operator I was marked as the noshow. Obviously the cabbie who took my listing in the queue then got a personal call for himself, and instead of trying to send my order back, just labels it a noshow. Pisses me off to no end. No wonder Uber keeps growing in popularity.

    Obviously those Salvation drivers had a busy day, saw what your load was, and said "fuck that guy".

  5. #5
    I donate a ton of stuff to big brothers and sisters. They must like the stuff because keep sending me cards every couple of months. Surprising with Salvation Army though I have never dealt with them. Big brothers and sisters always show up on date scheduled.

  6. #6
    My Jew tip.

    Donate some old clothes. Goodwill Industries writes up a slip, dates and signs and always leaves the "estimated value" line blank. At least that has been my experience for years and years.

    Max tax deduction for this kind thing is $500.

  7. #7

     
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  8. #8
    I hope this is a level. Nice story, but if you really did this, why didn't you give you stuff to friends or people that needed it. No tax deduction was worth this.

    You can bring your own crap to salvation army or other organizations if you really wanted to help somebody that needed help.

    You get the tax deduction and don't make unpaid or low paid people work for you to get tax deductions. I guess you wanted some charity to cater to your time schedule, while you still get the tax deduction. we don't care that you were to lazy to move your own stuff, and felt some charity organization should hire people to move your stuff on your schedule so you get tax relief.

    omg, please tell me this is a level.

     
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  9. #9
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    Jew Files? How about The Rockstein Files
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  10. #10
    Owner Dan Druff's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by anchordraw View Post
    I hope this is a level. Nice story, but if you really did this, why didn't you give you stuff to friends or people that needed it. No tax deduction was worth this.

    You can bring your own crap to salvation army or other organizations if you really wanted to help somebody that needed help.

    You get the tax deduction and don't make unpaid or low paid people work for you to get tax deductions. I guess you wanted some charity to cater to your time schedule, while you still get the tax deduction. we don't care that you were to lazy to move your own stuff, and felt some charity organization should hire people to move your stuff on your schedule so you get tax relief.

    omg, please tell me this is a level.
    I offered it to everyone I thought might want it. Nobody needed it. At that point, I called the Salvation Army.

    Why is this so hard to understand? This wasn't about the writeoff, and I wasn't patting myself on the back for helping people in need. I had to get rid of the stuff, I knew that the Salvation Army could benefit from it, so I made a mutually beneficial agreement with them to come get it from me.

    I couldn't "bring my own crap" anywhere because it was very large and heavy, and I didn't have the vehicle or equipment to move it (plus I would have to either find or hire someone to help me.)

    I wasn't "lazy". This is very difficult shit to move, especially for someone not used to moving large pieces of furniture. We're not talking about having to move a television or a few lamps.

    I didn't "want some charity to cater to my time and schedule". I made an appointment with them which we both agreed to, and they committed to it. If this wasn't something beneficial to them, they wouldn't have agreed to do it.

    You're acting like I selfishly forced them to bend to my needs, when they couldn't accommodate me.

    That's bullshit.

    In reality, a few assholes decided they didn't feel like doing their jobs right that day, and left me in the lurch. Then they tried to cover it up when I bitched about it.

    If you commit to be somewhere and do something, it's your responsibility to do it. Period.

    If this shit happened to you, you'd have been just as pissed, and if you say otherwise then you're lying.

    Oh, and if YOUR post was a level, congrats. If it wasn't, I'm pretty shocked, because you're usually a good poster.

     
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    I finally read the whole story. Very entertaining.

    But level with us here. The part where the rogue employee sells out his company and co-workers to you on the phone was you using Artistic License right? Or maybe you imagined using that as part of your bluff at/during the time of your Col. Fabrisham idea and forgot it didn't really happen?
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    Gold garrett's Avatar
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    lol this is hilarious


    Solid bluff Druff!

  13. #13
    I think I have scheduled a Salvation Army pick-up before, but never at last minute before a move. Can't remember if had any problems.

    I've put old desks, chairs, sofa, broken washing machine, all kinds of shit on they street, and every time long before the garbage man arrives, somebody in a pickup grabs the shit I don't want any more. Usually it doesn't last more than a couple hours.

    I remember one time a got new carpet. I was expecting the installers to haul off the old carpet, which wasn't in that bad of condition. they put it on the street. I told em I didn't think the garbage men would pick it up. They laughed and said somebody will pick it up, call us if city gives you any problem. It was gone that evening. Couple Mexicans in a pickup got it. I talked to em, and they were like, do you have anything else you want to get rid of...lol

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    my favorite part is when you thought you should probably mention you gave them cold water rofl. I hope you didn't waste any precious ice cubes on them.

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  15. #15
    Quote Originally Posted by Dan Druff View Post

    I needed the apartment all the way up until moveout day, so I scheduled the Salvation Army to come pick up my stuff at 10am. I had to be out by 5pm, so this gave me plenty of time.
    scheduling a pickup of this type for the day you have to be out is almost the opposite of "plenty of time."
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  16. #16



    Position Title: Truck Driver

    Status: Non-Exempt

    The Salvation Army Mission Statement:
    The Salvation Army, an international movement, is an evangelical part of the universal Christian Church. Its message is based on the Bible. Its ministry is motivated by the love of God. Its mission is to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ and to meet human needs in His name without discrimination.

    Education and Work Experience:
    1. Education:

    2. Work/Professional Experience: Minimum one year truck driving experience and one year of warehouse work. Preferred two years of truck driving experience and two years of warehouse experience.

    Scope of Position:

    Knowledge, Skills and Abilities Required:
    Some knowledge of Pendleton and surrounding areas (preferred good knowledge)
    Flexibility and team conceptualization

    Essential Duties and Responsibilities:
    Shall be responsible for working the assigned hours and following the designated rules
    Maintain a neat and clean appearance on the job
    Must be courteous to customers, donors and fellow employees
    Responsible for the condition and appearance of the assigned truck and the equipment. Shall report any malfunction immediately
    Do daily check of truck follow maintenance sheet
    Responsible for keeping an adequate supply of bags, flares, maps, insurance forms, wheel chock, blankets, safety triangles, etc. on the truck
    In case of an accident, responsible for gathering all of the information required by the insurance company. Will report the accident immediately to their supervisor, either by radio or phone
    Responsible for prompt and courteous pick-ups of all calls
    Will obey all traffic and safety rules while on the job
    All pick-ups will be started by 10am every day

     
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