This is tough for me, but with all of the gender identity and race identity issues lately, and now gay barrage being legal and accepted, i feel this is a perfect time to come clean myself.
I sexually Identify as an attack helicopter.
Ever since I was a little boy I dreamed of soaring over enemy territory dropping hot loads on disgusting foreigners. People say to me that a person being a helicopter is impossible and I'm fucking retarded, but I don't care - I'm beautiful. Soon I'm having a plastic surgeon install rotary blades, 30 mm cannons and AMG-114 Hellfire missiles on my body. From now on I want you guys to call me "Apache" and respect my right to kill from above and kill mercilessly. If you can't accept me you're a heliphobe and need to check your vehicle privilege. Thank you for being so understanding.